thread: Feeling let down :(

  1. #19
    Registered User

    Feb 2008

    Oh Kimmy, That is really bad news.

    I also had a few bad nights like that including the row with DH. Everybody is so fractious which just implodes. I certainly doesn't help Bubs to sleep either. You really have to be on the same page with the sleep settling and it does no good to have the discussions about it in the middle of the night with a lack of sleep and with a baby who is unsettled! I don't think I am telling you anything you don't know here, just backing you up in that your DH really needs to understand what you are going through and what you need from him in the short term to make the much longer term work. My DH was terrible with this but me completely losing it in a big way shook some sense in to him . I am not too impressed that it had to get to that though.

    I wholeheartedly agree with snacks' advice above. You do have to feel comfortable with what you are doing to settle your DS and with all things with kids, the dreaded *consistency* is really really important.

    The bad night last night does not necessarily mean it wont work. Plus I don't necessarily think that your first night was a fluke... I think it shows that your DS can do it. Those big long hours in the middle of the night where he wont settle are really really really hard to take. Remember if you are continually going in to him to help him settle and let him know you are there, he is learning to resettle, albeit slowly! Take some big breaths, set yourself up with something to do when you are up and keep at it. Try to get sleeps during the day when he does or hand him over to your DH, family or friends for a few hours during the day to catch up on sleep. Remember to look after you too as then you have a much better chance of making it through these nights.


  2. #20

    Nov 2008
    Country Victoria

    Thanks Snacks JenJorja and Jackrose for your support it really means a lot to have you here for me, esepcially when a lot of my other friends laugh at me when i say i can't bear hearing my DS cry (apparantly i'm too soft but whatever )

    last night was a little better he still woke up twice but only stayed awake for about 20 min each time and resettled without any where near as much crying from us both. DH got home from work last night and was really apologetic for the way he carried on the night before, apparantly he has had a very bad headache for days and neck pain and the noise of DS was too much in the middle of the night, so that was good that he knew we was being a jerk! he went off for his afternoon sleep in about 5 -10 min so a much day better today.

    Thanks again for your kindness and support i really needed it yesterday and this morning so thank you all so much. Fingers crossed tonight will be okay as well! xxx

  3. #21
    Registered User

    Jul 2007
    Over the rainbow

    With my first I had one rule and one rule only: DH's job was to shut up

    He did not have to get up, make bottles, change dipers, settle bubs ... NOTHING, his ONE and ONLY job was to shut up. It worked for us. It's hard enough dealing with a baby crying at 2am for three hours straight, don't need a full grown human being to point out that you don't know what the blooming hell you are doing.

    Like they said ... I'm sure it does get better, if you stick to your guns and have the support of your partner in crime.

    PS. I'm very happy for you that he gave you an apology, good boy

  4. #22
    Registered User

    Jul 2007

    Just about to go to bed, sorry I didn't read a lot of other posts but this is what we did:

    DS: waited until he was 1 year old. Prior to that we were giving him a cup of milk (went from bf to cup at 10mths, his choice) and holding him until he went to sleep.
    Chose a long weekend or when DH didn't have to go to work for a week and let him cry for 10 mins before we went in, but I remember lying there listening to him cry for what seemed a long time the first night. Took a few hours the first night for him to learn we weren't going to pick him up.
    2nd night we did the same as the first night (very hard not to give in but this is the key for the shortest period of pain) and he went to sleep within 2 hours, for the whole night.
    3rd night went to sleep within 45 minutes.

    DD: still bf but at 14 months I was so tired from working pt and bf and getting up to bf at night 2-3 times so again planned for DH to do the going in, so she knew she wouldn't get a feed.
    Took 3 nights again, but not so much crying because she quickly got the message that only water was coming. So since October long weekend last year she stopped waking at night.
    She kept bf in the morning until slowly weaned her off at 18 months.

    I would suggest looking at Pinky McKay's website to see if you can find some tips there, as she supports gentle parenting and has some hints for getting them to sleep. She advocates choices that a respectful for parents and babies, so it is about what you think is the right thing for your baby and your family.

    The guilt was there at the time for me, but I knew ultimately that the night bf especially had to stop as I just couldn't cope and it was affecting the kids, my work and me! So I put it into perspective that a few days in the scheme of things was not too bad. Having a very very supportive DH made it much easier because we were in it together so the timing was crucial not to affect his work etc.


  5. #23
    Registered User

    Jul 2007

    KimmyF if you are interested I have Pinky McKays' book "Sleeping Like a baby" that I would be happy to give to you. I bought it as I had heard wonderful things about it. I ended up not really using it to be honest. If you want it it's yours, just PM me your address and I pop it in the post for you.

  6. #24
    Registered User

    Oct 2006

    How was last night, Kim?
    Oh, I think I jynxed myself by coming in here and giving you my 'advice' My daughter has started up these dreadful bedtime tantrums the last two nights and I have been beside myself! I have been reminded anew how horrid it is to have an unsettled child! I feel for you all over again.
    To top it off, DH is making me crazy with his 'instructions' Like he has EVER been the one to deal with her sleeping problems!
    Sorry - that was my therapy Anyhoo, I am glad that the other night was better and that your DH apologised. Hope that last night and tonight go well.

  7. #25

    Nov 2008
    Country Victoria

    Thanks for eveyone's concern it means a lot, sorry to hear you have been having trouble with your daughter Snacks hope i haven't jinxed you and things have improved!
    Nadine, i pretty much told DH if he can't support or say something nice or helpful lay there and pretend to be asleep an don't even do as much as sigh!
    Thanks for your offer Chakra i PMd you hope it got to you would be interested to hear it worked for you.
    Krisp i will PM you if you don't mind giving/loaning the book to me that would be awesome, you BB girls really are the best.
    So... nights have been hit and miss, Friday was not too bad but last night was an abosulte nightmare!!!!! Screaming and crying so hard in between me settling him, i think he has a croaky voice today, i tried really hard not to cave but eventually did at 4.30 am as i couldn't bear anymoreand i'm pretty sure Cooper couldn't either. Tonight he settled quite quickly and has remained asleep, so lets see what the middle of the night brings its usally the troublesome time so fingers crossed i see a little improvement, i'll let you know in the morning.
    Thanks again everyone, you are helping me more than you know through this process. xxxx

  8. #26

    Nov 2008
    Country Victoria

    thought i'd pop in and update how we've been going, he has turned one so that was special for us celebrating our first year but what is nearly just as special is we have slept through the last three nights!!!!!!
    The waking in the middle of the night is a quick wake up cry out for mum sometimes before im even there he has self settled already other times i just give him his dummy and blanket, stroke his forehead for a few seconds and walk out and he is back to sleep. in the last few weeks we have had one really bad night and that was last Saturday night but he was cutting a top tooth and i think it was the cause.
    Thanks Krisp for the loaning the book to me it was an interesting read i'll post back soon just rereading some bits, i am so glad i decided to persevere but i never thought it would be so hard.

    Thanks to all the lovely ladies who responded to my post i really appreciate your support i couldn't have even started this with out you all. xxxxx

  9. #27
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2007
    In my own little world.

    Happy birthday Cooper!!!

    So glad to hear you have had a few excellent nights! You must feel like a different person after getting a couple of stress free sleeps. YAY.

    I guess you now know, even if you get some more bad times, that you can do it and what you have done will work for you. Hope things keep going well though.

    BB people really are fantastic hey? Glad you got some great support here.

  10. #28
    Registered User

    Jan 2008

    I did this with my DD when she was 8weeks old. My MW and Pediatrician said babies dont need milk in the middle of the night they learn, (like us we dont wake at 2am wanting a cheeseburger etc.)
    It took me 3 nights of letting her cry, it was fantastic when all done. Now I put her to bed and off she goes, both my kiddies actually.

    ITS very very very hard, I would go have a shower LONG shower, go outside hang clothes on the line etc.

    You are doing waht you need to do.. to keep yourself sane and hubby sane.
    Not everyone will agree with letting baby CIO.... but I did it and never looked back. They learn to settle themselves. MUCH MUCH EASIER.. short term pain long term gain!!

    Good luck you are doing a brilliant job!