I has a dilemma...

[Miss E]

Sounds like an awful situation for your friend. I'm pretty sure that some local councils or community centres run education courses on budgeting and managing finances, could she enroll him in something like that? I'm not sure of the situation, but by the sounds of things it seems like a problem with understanding (and he's not alone, financial literacy is a huge problem in Australia) rather than a low care factor iykwim.

[Enchanted]

I think that if it's to do with self-esteem that a Psych or someone of the like may work.
I have a very close friend who just spends and spends to make herself feel better. It has got them into a lot of trouble before. She goes to see a Psych who helps her deal with her issues and she does have blowouts every now and then but most of the time she is in control.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

She can report the credit card lost and get the bank to give her a new one with a different number.
Get his wages paid into her account and not give him access.

But those kind of measures are only treating the symptoms not the disease which is that he is too self-centered to step-up and take responsibility as a father and husband to ensure his families' financial health. Can she get a pastor or similar who her husband will respect to have a word with him about manning up?

Oh, I didn't know she could do that, that's a great idea about changing the card number!

His sister is the only person he listens to, and she's spoken to him a few times about this. He's good for a few days, maybe a week, but then he slides again in a big way. For instance, he works for a family company, he's the only employee. The boss was going away over christmas, and gave him 3 or 4 weeks pay upfront. That combined with the Chidlcare rebate they got back meant they had a bit over $3k in their account, which looked good but of course was all accounted for, they'd just gotten it all in one lump sum. So he went out and spent $600 on stuff for his ute that's been off the road for 3 years, didn't even spend it on the car they use.

I've tried being diplomatic with him before, and once I even lost it at him and told him he needed to man up or he was gonna lose everything. He used to earn $100k pa on the mines, but he refuses to go back because he doesn't wanna be away from his kids. Fair enough, but I told him he was risking screwing his kids up for life by raising them to not respect their mother and unable to care for their own finances. He really annoys the heck outta me, I wanna shake him! There's a perfect scripture for it, but he's not a JW, and wouldn't listen

Could she talk to his boss to try to restrict the cash access?

I'm sure she could try, I'll suggest it to her

Would a prefessional help? Would he be more likely to listen to them, than her? There are services who can pay your bills etc and put money in savings etc and give you pocket money. They take a percentage, but maybe that's better than the constant stress.

Goals? Do they have any? Or is it just too hard trying to get by? Maybe if he could save for a small goal - a thing he wants. Then a bigger thing, like a holiday etc. It's addictive, saving for treats.

Money can and will ruin relationships. It sounds like he doesn't respect her or the family unit very much, to put himself ahead of them.

She approached a certain foxy financial company, and they told her she wasn't in enough debt for them to help. This was around when her first bub was born - I told her to get her credit card and extend the limit while they could, and buy everything she needed and wanted for bub, and then they'd actually be better off because of the help they'd receive. But she couldn't bring herself to do it - not that it was a fabulous idea to begin with!

Yeah, he's going away in September for a fishing trip. I told her to make him his own bank account and tell him to save his own money, but I really think she's given up on it. I wouldn't be surprised if she took that opportunity to change the locks or something.

How about drastic measures, like selling his car and replacing it with a bike, explaining to him that they can't afford the running costs of the car anymore etc.
I just feel like he needs to be shocked into understanding the situation. Because she manages to make it work, he thinks they are fine. He needs to go hungry.
I know, so much easier said than done. It sounds so horrible. I really feel for your friend, I hope he snaps out of his self absorbed money wasting attitude.

Yup, I've told her that. If they don't have enough money to eat, it shouldn't be just her that's not eating. But she doesn't do it, I think in some ways she'd rather martyr herself than stand up to him in that way

I think that if it's to do with self-esteem that a Psych or someone of the like may work.
I have a very close friend who just spends and spends to make herself feel better. It has got them into a lot of trouble before. She goes to see a Psych who helps her deal with her issues and she does have blowouts every now and then but most of the time she is in control.

That goes back to his sister, she's actually a counsellor. I'd love for them to speak to her on a regular basis, but as soon as it becomes a counselling thing rather than sisterly advice, he shuts off

He really annoys me, he can provide for his family but he CHOOSES not to. Growing up, my Dad was on a pension and in chronic pain, and yet he still supplemented our family income by being a school bus driver. I remember he would only miss work if he was in so much pain that he was crying - next to him, this guy just looks like nothing. I just don't understand it