Are we the only ones struggling? Feeling very alienated and lonely here

[Little Chicken]

You are so not alone! We live pay to pay here as well. I understand just how stressful financial pressure can be when you are the one paying the bills and juggling everything. We have one income (DP works full-time), and get FTB, and it barely covers everything. We don't go out, DD only has one activity we go to because I can't really afford anything else. We don't have any credit cards due to our business going bankrupt last year, so living off them is not an option for us at all. If we can't pay by cash, we don't have it. The only indulgence for us is austar and that is it. If you ever need anyone to vent to or talk to, then I am here for you I know exactly what it is like.

[Ella]

Muminalice- Thats great to know. Will be good to have someone to talk to who has done the bankruptcy thing too. Bit scary! Yep Austar is my one vice too, DF does smoke and drink alot of ice break though lol

[~breeze~]

Muminalice- Thats great to know. Will be good to have someone to talk to who has done the bankruptcy thing too. Bit scary! Yep Austar is my one vice too, DF does smoke and drink alot of ice break though lol

I was coming back in as I forgot to say about the pay tv but I see you have it. I dont have it (cant afford it) but its not like the old days, there are more channels now (digital tv), there are heaps of kids shows with ABC 1,2 & 3 & GO! channels & I watch heaps of shows I like on channel 7TWO. Thought I'd mention it as it would save alot of money if you could get rid of it I understand its very hard to do (I had it for all my adult years while married to XH.... only stopped when I became a single mum & simply couldnt afford it)

[Little Chicken]

Can I just ask, and you don't have to answer, but why wait till july to lodge? Is it for the end of financial year? Other wise it is just another month of debt piling up. I don't know if they have warned you of this but our trustee froze our bank accounts for a bit to ensure that everything we said was legitimate so just be prepared for that. Also they will want a fee as well but the amount depends on what is left in your estate. I felt horriible doing it, like I was chickening out of my debts by doing it, but we really had no choice, and the relief after lodgement was just palpable. You don't realise how much stress you are under sometimes until it is gone. Good luck.

[Ella]

Muminalice- We've stopped making payment to the debtors that will go onto the bankruptcy, so it won't make much of a difference except to stop the awful harrasing phone calls. As for the tax returns, its partly that but not really, we have some other stuff we need to sort out and we want to sell some little things aroudn the house to try to catch up on things liek the phone bill electricity etc so that its all in order. I think its just the best time for us to do it, also need to be sure that we hae a stable lease on our house as I knwo that bankruptcy can make getting a lease alot harder. On that note have you found it hard (if you rent) to get a place with the bankruptcy record?

[Antheia]

Trust me, you're not the only one. The only way i have found works is to make a budget of everything that needs paying each week. For the bills, i pay $10-$30 on each depending on how much they are each month and i take a calculator with me to do the grocery shopping so i don't go over budget. We have avoided credit cards on purpose so we dont have debt. The only debt we do have is our mortgage.

[Cherished]

Hi Ella, I haven't read everyones responses to your post so sorry it I am doubling up, I just wanted to quickly offer you some advice

We don't really talk to others about our money/finance because we know many people are doing it tough and we are doing 'ok' right now so don't want to seem insensitive. If people ask how we manage we are happy to tell them with the hope that they can reduce some of the stress surrounding their own situation. Basically when dh and I met 4 years ago we were thousands of $$$ in debt between the both of us. Since then we have paid that off, built a new house and furnished it with all new furniture including the big flat screen tv lol and purchased a new 2nd hand car. Now the only debt we have is the home loan. Most of the other stuff we bought outright there and then or with the bigger stuff we put it on GE and paid it off in the interest free time frame. We did this by allocating the money each fortnight to pay it off and kept it aside as if we had been paying it back to GE but that money was actually in our home loan account offsetting our home loan. The same goes for our credit cards, we purchase everything on them to get points and to make it easier to keep track of things and then we allocate the money aside each fortnight as if we had actually paid for it with cash rather than the credit card. That way when the bill comes we already have the money for it and never pay interest on the credit cards. The same goes for every living expense we have, the money is 'allocated' well before the bill comes in so we don't have to worry about having the money when it arrives. I can hear you saying "that's all fine if you have the money in the 1st place" which is true. The bottom line is that you either need to cull your living expenses until they do not exceed your joint income or you need to make more money. If your time is already full with working the hours you do than the only option is to get a higher paid job or to cull your living expenses. Then get yourselves out of debt and then once that's done you can start saving some money and you will slowly climb out of the rut. This really does take commitment from both you and your dh, you both have to be prepared to 'happily' go without to make sure your expenses don't exceed your income or 'happy' to work more hours or 'happy' to change to a higher paid job, 'happy' to sell everything you don't use or really need anymore 'happy' to down grade your cars or even 'happy' to move house or town to cull your living expenses. I hope that all makes sense and I haven't rambled too much!

[Ella]

Thanks everyone for replying, I must say that after having read everyones tips and stories this morning, the world isn't changing and I haven't discovered a way to save $1000 a week but I am starting to think more positively and getting a few ideas. I'm going to start a thread to get some people to lend me their meal plan lists that they do up for a week and see if I can do one of them. We eat very frugally but I'm sure there's another $5 I can save somewhere. Also I think I might go have another look at some more op shops this week as I'm in need of some maternity clothes and they're just too expensive from normal shops.

Thanks again and keep the stories coming. It's truly inspiring to hear from so many people of different walks of life!

[Mum2SweetCs]

Thinking positive is a great step!

With regards to mat clothes, i never bought any. I cut the front part of the elastics off my tights (which i got for $6 at SES (cheap store) and they worked great and i bought those baby doll dresses which you can also wear after your pregnancy.

Mat clothing is too expensive anyway.

hth

[Little Chicken]

I agree with you breeze, life would be easier without austar, but if you live in the country there is no digital tv channels, in fact we don't get channel ten here at all. I sacrifice for it but it is worth it sometimes

[Asparagus and Lemons]

I feel your pain, we have not thought about bankruptcy yet, well it's crossed my mind but not dh's. I tell him we ar broke, but he just doesnt get it. He bought a motorbike on the credit card a few months ago because I said we hadn't maxed it out yet. Every weekend he says he wants to buy such n such, and I say you CANT there is NO money in our bank account!! And he asks why.. I save every last cent so I can afford the bills, but I always end up using the credit card to pay the bills which frustrates me because I cannot put the money back in there. I have had to get a credit card limit increase, I know it is bad as it just sent us into more debt... but that has paid for our bills in the last month. Dh is really bad with money, thats why I try to all the financing. But it stresses me out, every week we overdraw and get charged. And dh gets a bit of extra cash and he thinks he can do what he wants with it so he'll buy junk food and things for his bike. I have not bought myself anything in the last 2 years.. apart from one lot of maternity clothes.. they are ugly, but I needed something to wear!
We get free meals from the parents & inlaws, we dont talk about our struggles because we are embarassed, and dh just doesnt think its that bad. If I did have friends that were struggling, then I would definantly discuss it with them, but we hide it, so nobody would know unless they started the discussion. I just dont want pity or peoples charity, I am too proud, and I like to have things that we have earnt, I dont like people handing us money and I would never borrow money. I do sugar coat it for dh, but only because when I do tell him a bit of what is really happening he just blames it on me and tells me to get a job. So I dont bring it up as it just brings more stress. He gets mad at me when there is not enough money in the bank for wasting on his car or bike. I only buy food that is needed. And I am so tight with our money but my effort is wasted when dh sees more than $20 in the bank and buys himself hungry jacks for lunch because he couldnt be bothered getting the lunch I made for him out of the fridge!
Your not alone, definantly. I can understand that you would want pay tv if you dont have normal tv, as you would get bored staying at home all the time otherwise. Our escape from reality is a few times a year we will go to the cinema.. I get free tickets off survey sites though, so Im not paying for that! I really hope getting the ftb will help us a bit, I'd hate to loose our home.. but if things dont pick up then I would really have to sit dh down and tell him whats going to happen. I try to tell him, but he 'forgets' that we are broke and thinks that once he gets paid again then we have money, but he is very wrong!!
Sorry for the ramble, we should have a vent about this topic, it feels good to tell somebody.

[widdly]

Youa re not the only, we are so used to living pay day to pay day now thank to DH and his ridiculous pointless debt. Every single week I research on how I can save money on the grocery bill this week

[Astrolady]

Definitely not alone. We are a 1 income family living week to week as well. We are also classed as low income, but don't claim the low income benefits as I really can't be bothered re-applying for it every 6 mths. I really should though to help save on other stuff. Our luxury is the internet. We don't have foxtel/austar. We do have 2 cars, one nearly on death row though LOL. So come tax time all our tax return is going to fixing that car.

We don't own a credit card, just a debit card and I handle all the finances. I am pretty lucky as Andrew will ask if he can buy something. Also having a mortgage I can cease our mortgage payment for the fortnight if needed. I tend not to do it though. Want the house paid off eventually but have resorted to that once already this year.

[Astrid]

WE have it tight here, which you would not think due to DH's income, but we are not the best money, well correct that DH is not and sometimes I just get sick of the "can't afford its". It is cheaper for me to leave his credit card maxed than to clear it, as it is cheaper to pay the interest than the whole card off. I can't budget the way I want. He wont have his pocket money in his account each fortnight, I have to keep it, as he will waste it. He refuses to look at the budget, but then argues with me when I say we can't afford it. We would be fine, but we have debt, it is the debt payments that hurt us. Also where we live costs, we need 2 cars, can't get ADSL so can't get cheap home phone and internet. Free to air TV is so non-existant out here, that we the only way we watch TV is with Austar. Past experience with DH has shown that without PayTV he will just spend $100's a month on DVD box sets or going to the movies ro more computer games. Austar works out cheaper. Seems stupid, but he has put us in the position of having to spend money to save money.

It sucks. I had more money when I was single and on the dole.

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi Ella,

Definitely not the only one struggling. We have been thinking of a second child for a long time and DH always brings me back to reality that we will be struggling big time when we do (and I'm not even pregnant yet) We cannot survive on his wage so I have to go back to work full time to be able to pay the mortgage (we dont have paid maternity leave at work).

At the moment we are looking of ways to cut our budgeting down but I guess it doesn't help when we both aren't really good at saving money!

We dont have pay tv and only have internet as I need it to work from home.

I try to use vouchers when i can and go online to find which store coles/woolies/aldi have specials on and write a list of which store has what specials to get food on special to save a few bucks (i guess it all adds up)

I definitely hope things look up for you soon and we are all ears when you need a place to vent.

[Ella]

I get what you mean about your DH's. DF sees his smokes + ice breaks + couple of bourbon cans a night as his escape and release from the stress we are under. I have tried to explain to him that I don't get to have any of these escapes because there is no money left but he doens't get it, he tells me to buy somethign then and doesn't see that if I did we would be in more trouble. We he gets mad he lays on the 'but I work and my pay pays for everything we have and the food that goes into your mouth.' That upsets me so much, when will something make them realise that what we do at home each day when we look after kids is work, its hard and tiring and yes I may get to be at home all day, but there are times when I would kill to stand behind a counter and talk to adults!

I also understand what someone was saying about not telling people because you will feel embarrased, but I have learnt from experience that if you tell people that you just want their understanding not their charity then understanding is usually what you get. If you don't say anything, you feel ashamed when you say no to going out to somethign and have to make an excuse, if you do say something then people aren't going to pity you, perhaps they will understand and not feel like you're making something up. We have had to go to charity's in the past wehn things got really bad and I won't lie, it was embarrassing, but the truth is I have always given when I could to those charitys and they are there for people who go through times of crisis, there's no judgement when they speak to you.

Thank you all for replying, its really nice to get peopel talking about it, not so that we can wallow in self pity but just so that we can share helpful tips and empathise with each others stories.

[luna moth]

Sometimes I wonder if some of my friends look at us that way, and I worry that they're not seeing the whole picture. We're not struggling, DH is on a good wage, and I am still working. But we have some friends that are really really struggling.

We go on 6 interstate trips per year, sometimes more (to visit both our families) and last year we had a three week overseas holiday.
We haven't bought a house but we save money as if we had a $400,000 mortgage, so our savings are pretty big.
We go out to dinner at least once a fortnight, sometimes more.

BUT I buy 1-2 new clothing items per year, DH gets maybe 5 or 6 and the rest is second hand. OUr house is filled with second hand furniture. We shop at the markets every weekend to get cheap fresh produce, and then cook everything from scratch to make the most of it. We don't own a car, but even when we did, we make a lot of trips on foot or by bike, to lower petrol costs.

So we actually give up quite a lot to be able to enjoy ourselves the way we do. I decided to talk to my friend about this, as I flt that she and her DH were trying to live to this same standard, without seeing where we cut corners. It helped her a lot, and I think it made a diffrence just to talk about finances - not enough people do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is a) is there something you're not seeing? or b) would it help to open the discussion channel with them? Maybe you could save them from getting into trouble...

Anyway, it sounds like a hard road, and I'm really glad you have sought help. Good luck.

[Rouge]

Money isn't something people like to talk about it. It's a very old fashioned thing. Some people don't care, but you'll find most people like to talk more about what they do have than what they don't

I have learnt over the years, that people have misjudged us badly thinking we have more than we do etc. And I don't care anymore. I also tend not to care what others do with their money either unless it impacts me directly which it shouldn't LOL!

It can be depressing constantly pinching every penny.

And even though things are tight, and we don't go on holidays, and I can't remember the last time I bought furniture/clothes etc we are fine. We don't go without food, the children are happy and so are we all.

We don't really do luxuries, but we have children and they cost a lot LOL! A lot more than we could have ever thought... new clothes, kinder/schooling, activities, birthdays, christmas, easter, dentist appointments etc It all adds up, so I do think that most families struggle on some level iykwim?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've learnt to stop stressing. I've learnt to be frugal, and I've learnt that we will get there and we have for the past 5 years.

Definitely check out some of the money blogs around about frugal living, they help not only with how to save money, recycle etc but also with finances and how to handle them.