Firstly good on you Ella for speaking up. Money is a bit like mothering people only want to talk (& often hear) the gossamer image of life. I applaud you for going deeper.

When I was first married we ended up with 2 mortgages and we lived in neither, they both became vacant (thus no rental income) & I was heavily pregnant in a new city... It was really hard. Our fridge died and we had our food in an esky... It was tough.

I am in my early forties & recently divorced (still going through a property settlement) so I am about to start all over again. I actually feel "richer" than I did when I was married. Mainly as I have control over my finances & I feel empowered. (my ex was a control freak who controlled all the finances as "he worked"... )

I live on centrelink payments & child support which comes when he's good and ready so I cannot rely on it. It's tough but doable.

I am committed to organic food & I like others go to farmers markets (it's fun & it's cheaper & much healthier most of the time!). I buy at a larger supermarket my staples like canned organic tomatoes, sauce, paste, gluten free pasta etc etc etc. I do this as it's the only way I can afford organically grown.

I cook everything from scratch. I do not buy (or at least rarely - have been known to purchase the odd pack of tim tams!) commercial bikkies, cakes etc - they're full of crap and it's so much cxheaper and more fun to cook from scratch. I plan meals ahead - I often have a cooking day where I cook 4-5 meals and freeze. (I cook double of those 4-5). This is good as I have a busy life and if I'm home late from sport/music/dancing etc I always have something prepared. I almost never have take away. I just can't see the value of feeding 5 of us on crap that costs at least $50. Once a month a group of us take the kids to the local pizzeria and that's our fun! It's more fun to share a meal, it's about the sme cost as takeaway and it feels more special to them (& me!).

I buy kids clothes in the sales always never ever at full price. I layby for the next season and pay off a bit each week. I frequent second hand shops & it's my fun. I love it. I get great bargains often & I have a sense of "woo hoo"!

I find it totally bizarre how people feel the need to be in the "best" with kids clothes when mostly they're for play and they grow out of them so fast! The same with baby equipment. IMO babies need almost zilch & nursery's whilst fun for Mama are completely unnecessary for babies!

As I've got older I like "better' clothes for me. But I am very discerning - I plan what I will buy and I have it for ever! I also shop at oppies for me all the time. I love clothes & I love dressing up so I'd rather spend more on clothing than say Austar. (just a different priority)

My splurge is chanel lippie. I am addicted!

I have a good car & I plan drives. This is important for the environment and for the wallet. I have a number of days a week where the car doesn't leave the garage and I live out of town. I share drop offs with friends etc to save this...

I do know it's hard out there - certainly I think most of us struggle with different things. I also found that it was cheaper to get an unlimited mobile plan and have no home phone. This is certainly working more cost effectively for me.
Turn off the lights, change your bulbs to more savvy ones... Plan your washes... It all helps.

I think planning is the key. Good luck my love.