Are we the only ones struggling? Feeling very alienated and lonely here

[Starfish]

Hi Ella (and everyone else)
Just thought that I'd subscribe to this thread, as we are struggling too. I think you're being very brave to open up and talk about it now, as I "stuck my head in the sand" right up until the cards were all maxed out. Then a couple of expensive things happened (e.g. car needed major repairs to get rego, etc), and now we're really skint. I actually posted about it about a month ago (in the Platinum section), so you are definitely not alone. I think the ladies here give really good advice.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one whose DH just refuses to face things though...

Question - has anyone struggled with setting up payment plans for things? I have found recently that I talk to providers asking for plans to pay our bills and they demand unreasonable amounts that I can't ever hope to pay. Wouldn't it be more worth their while to work with people reaslistically??

[Ella]

Starfish- Yep I struggled majorly with setting up payment plans and had companies telling me I would need to pay like $500 as an upfront payment. I got really scared and for so long used to cower and agree to things that I just couldn't do, which only got me in more trouble. Thigns changed when I got really fed up with being pushed around by them. Basically with most things like phone electricity etc they have an obligation to provide for people in financial hardship. I started pushing them back and it worked. Got to the point one day when a woman was telling I needed to pay $500 upfront and $120 a week till the bill was gone- I said to her, "I have told you three times that I don't have $500 just sitting in my bank so I can't give it to you and there is no way I can afford to eat if I give you $120 a week. I will happily give you $50 a week starting this Thursday till the bill is payed off, or you can cut off the phone and we'll deal with it from there." You know what happened, she said "$50 a week would be great, we'll expect the first payment this week."
Sadly most collection departments in big companies encourage their staff to use bullying as a first stance with women as its proven to be the most effective way of getting money.
I had a company ring this week to chase up a debt and after I told them I would be going bankrupt in a few weeks, the guy said "well we will force you into bankruptcty immediately if you don't agree to make a payment." I turned around and said "Well sir unfortunately I know how this works, for you to force me into bankruptcy you need to take me to court and to do that you have to give me a written notice and then wait 28 days, by which time I will have filed for bankruptcy myself. So you would be much better off saving yourself the hassle and jsut waiting for me to do it myself..." the reply I got was something like "thank you have a nice day." lol

Basically the point is that I spent too long crying every time they called and bullied me. Save yourself the anxiety, tell them what you can afford and if they refuse to accept it, ask to speak to a manager. Gets things sorted alot quicker!

[Starfish]

Thanks for that Ella. I am on the verge of saying exactly what you wrote next time I get one of those calls. We too have agreed to things that we had no hope at all in paying, simply because the people we spoke to seemed to demand it. Won't be doing that anymore as, like you said, it just leads to more trouble down the line...

Good luck with everything. Hope things improve for you (and me and everyone else posting here ;p) soon.

[~mamaspice~]

Hi Ella,
You are so not alone. We are not "struggling" right now, but in saying that we certainly so not have much spare cash, and the only reason we're getting by is because both me and DH are working fulltime. There is absolutely NO way we could ever afford for me to be a SAHM, as our mortgage takes up 70% of DH's wage alone let alone all our other living expenses so we'd lose everything quick smart if we only had one income. We only have one car, we have a modest 3 bedroom duplex that we're paying off and I am very upset at the fact that I'm gonna have to go back to work (at least part time) by the time our new bub is only 3 months old. Quite frankly, it sucks . . .

[Liviam]

Thanks for being so honest about money. It seems to be the such a taboo subject but seems to be one that a lot of us struggle through in silence. DH and I are in a similar boat and I have no idea how to sort out our budget to try and start getting ourselves in the black again.

[Ella]

Liviam- have you thought about going and seing a Lifeline financial counselor? We did and they were great. They are a free service and can help you sort out your finances, do up a great budget and also can advocate on your behalf if there are any companies pushing you around over money. I know it can seem a bit embarrassing to go through it, but the way I look at it now is "isn't it more embarrassing to stick your head in the sand when you know there is someone who can help, than it is to say hey we're strugglign but at least we're smart enough to knwo that and do something about it." It's taken me so long to get to this point- I grew up in a poor family and swore I would never get into a "poor" situation, guess now I have just realised 90% of people are "poor" at some point in their life!

[Liviam]

That is a great suggesstion Ella. I'll put some thought into it. I've been trying to sort out how to work out what to pay in each pay and how to slowly chip away at our pointless doubt. I hate money!!!

[~mamaspice~]

If anyone is interrested I have a great little budget spreadsheet that DH's boss gave him. You put in your weekly income and all your weekly living expenses and it has been a great help for us in working out what we can and can't afford. It's also been a big eye opener as you just don't realise how much you have to dish out each week until it's all listed down. If anyone is interrested PM me and I can email a copy of it to you.

[Gigi]

Mamaspice, i would love to see that spreadsheet.

i am so fed up with my child's father NOT co-operating about budgetting, that i see no way around it, except to for me to leave him. Our r'ship has been "dead" for years, but i have stayed due to no $$$$ to actually leave. THe fobbing off, the lying, the saying yes but no action to follow up the yes, all of that, has completely eroded my trust and respect in him (amongst other things too).

So, not being on the same page about money, i would say, has been a major contributor to our r;ship breakdown. He is an ostrich too, telling me "we don't earn enough to need a budget, that's for well off people who have money spare" - whereas i believe the less you earn, the MORE you need a budget, to make the little you have, go as far, and as effectively, as it can.

i am puzzled about people mentioning "moving interstate to save money" - does that mean some parts of Australia are cheaper (than others) to live in?

Each time i've thought about this, i come to the conclusion - look in the country for cheaper rents (but some country towns charge the same for rent, as what we're paying in a city) - so that isn't cut and dried for me (getting cheaper rent in country)
but the downside is more reliance on a working car, more petrol for basic services.
So i'm not entirely convinced moving to the country would make my dollars go further.

How do you find out even, where you COULD live that would be cheaper?

i get the feeling, you only find out by trying, and that could mean some costly time to find out. Not to mention, it would be so much harder to do with a child/ren (as opposed to doing that sort of thing when you were on your own, before children).

According to the "cities with the lowest cost of living" that i have seen published in newspapers in last decade, i already live in the cheapest city. i don't have a credit card, no cable tv, don't drink or smoke, don't go to the movies, don't go out to restaurants, shop opshop and sales for me and DD, no loans, my major expense is having a 2nd hand car and keeping it on the road/working.

i'm terrified about renting on my own (no rental refs) and coming up with the money to set up a new household for me and DD.

But it will be nice to be in control of my own destiny, after all the non-communication with child's father, his complete refusal to do a budget for the family. i went to charity places to get budgetting help. They all said to me, we can't help you do a family budget, if we only have half of the info, until you get info from child's father, the budget is not complete or workable.

[Arimeh]

How do you find out even, where you COULD live that would be cheaper?

In my own situation, rent in tassie is cheaper than it was on the sunny coast. Also, houses are still VERY cheap in tassie compared to anywhere else (sunny coast, brisbane, sydney, melbourne) so we actually purchased a house down here and our mortgage is $150 per week LESS than what we were paying on our house in Qld.

[sconeonamission]

Yeah definately in the same boat. I have a budget, and stick to it, but sometimes there's an expense thats not on the list. Even when the budget says there's $x left over... where the heck is it?? It all goes to one bill or another. I just had to re-do the budget as daycare fees went up

[deletedit]

i am puzzled about people mentioning "moving interstate to save money" - does that mean some parts of Australia are cheaper (than others) to live in?

I have a house for sale for $75,000 - nothing wrong with it, its quite a nice house (I lived there for 7 years), but impossible to sell it because it is at least 10-15 mins drive from anywhere. Its just cheap because of its location. Here, 15 mins down the road from that house, you're lucky to get anything for under $200k to buy or rent for under $300 a week. I've had my house for sale for ages, some people are interested, they go out and look at it and ask me endless questions online/by phone (its listed on Gumtree) but noone has bought it yet.

So there's definitely cheap spots, and some of them are actually quite close to not-so-cheap spots. But sensibly, most of the cheap spots are reasonably remote and you'd have to work from home.

[Inertia]

I think most people have walked this road before. It is not easy at all. We were there only a few years ago. Back then we had to accept what was crippling us financially (the car loan) and either knuckle down and clear it up ASAP, or drop it. We took the former and the day we made that last payment was very liberating. I mean we owed a fair amount of money to other people still, but it didn't seem as difficult without $300+ a fornight to pay on one bill. I still cannot comprehend how we actually managed to do it so I am afraid I cannot put it into words. It just took some sheer determination.

Prior to that we tried so much. Budgets are like diets - one self indulgent splurge and you are back at square one. It is even more infuriating when that self indulgent splurge is made by he who could not be bothered to get a clue! Lets not even get into that egocentric "well I earnt it, I should be able to spend it on what I want" BS. I earnt that baby bonus mate, I did more manual labour in those few hours than some men do in a whole year - and I spent it on bills and baby stuff. Man Up! You are not a bachelor with free maid service and trophy kids. Those kinds of words from a husband - while he may not realise it at the time - is economic abuse. I am certainly not saying that any of your DHs are evil men or anything like that. They may not even realise they are doing it, but it is a form of psychological abuse and you need to call them on it because it hurts, its unfair and it is no basis at all for a stable loving relationship!

Plus you really need him to be on the same page as you or the struggle will never end.

I also refuse to have credit cards. Evil things. Not your friend! Cut em up, pay em off. Learn to loathe the very sight of them. Instead, Hug your nearest layby counter! LOL.

There is light at the end of this tunnel, I promise. Remove the bills one at a time. Trying to pay them all at the same time nearly never works.