what an interesting thread... something to think about and then come back and post my thoughts...
I do think with DS1 I had a great birth experience and this lead to an relatively easy early motherhood journey - the whole thing was positive for me - i loved being preg, loved labour, loved bf etc - think the mindset and positivity played a great role in making me the mother i am to him.
but as i said need to ponder and then post some more..
Did Jazzy's birth make me a mother, or contribute significantly?
And did it contribute to my trust in myself, or know my inner strength?
For me... no, but at the same time yes.
No... in fact, my labour and birth with Jazzy compeltely shattered my trust in myself, and my notion of inner strength. And it wasn't until weeks afterwards that I could even call myself a mum and believe.
For me, birth did not mark the beginning (mentally) of my motherhood. It did not make me a mother. I struggled in the first few weeks being a mother, but once I fell in love with Jazz, the realisations that birth was but a moment in time compared to the experiences and lessons that I need to teach her. In the future, no one will ask me how she was birthed. No one will compare her to another child and say "oh, well you can tell she was a c/s birth"... no, they will talk about the thins I've taught her, her attitudes towards life, respect towards other... etc...
BUT, at the same time...
Going through the labour and birth with Jazz, and then later on (9-12 months later on) realised that... the fact that I had grown a baby, brought a baby into the world who was healthy and happy, and was raising this baby, breastfeeding and using gentle methods ... for me, that built my inner strangth. Waking every night to her, and not allowing her to cry helplessly without me made me realise how strong I really was. I was strong in my resolve to mother gentley. I trusted in my instincts.
It was the opposite to the labour and birth, which I felt was so hard, forced, and in some ways very violent. And I realised... labour and birth, which was a loong but ultimately a tiny tiny moment in time compared to the 9 months preceding and the years proceeding it, did NOT define me as a mother.
Hmm... well for me I feel that the actual moment was insignificant, but the realisations coming from it were the most important things for me to learn.
I think (or, i'd like to think) I parent in the way I wanted birth to do... instintual and gentle, personal, loving.
Does that make sense... it makes so much sense in my head, but hard to write LOL
Last edited by Indadhanu; October 5th, 2009 at 07:55 PM.
Yes leasha, that makes sense to me and I agree. That's pretty much my take on the quote also.
It's about laying claim to our power as mothers to bear, birth and nuture our children.
I agree Leash, I had a very medical birth with DD1, induction, forceps, stirrups episiotomy etc yet now nearly 18 years on it means nothing, I rarely think about it. I was young when I had her and probably not the best mother but she has grown up into such a lovely girl/woman that all the hard times were worth it.
I am not sure when I will feel like I am a good mother as it seems to get harder every day but I guess I feel comfortable in my role as a moher at least!
Its all part of the journey..
DS birth was my 1st like anything 1st time i learnt SOOO much. i dont dwell on it (too much) but it has made me the mother i am today, each child and birth changes me more and makes me into a different mum
its kind of like how if you didnt get heart broken by your first love you wouldnt have been on the path to have met your current partner...
Great thread Rory - I feel sick tonight so I can't give this my best.
However, I gave birth to my Motherhood when I birthed my first baby and my birth did set me up for my experience with her which was abysmal in many respects!
However, the strength and fortitude that I found in myself to birth her also set me up for what i needed to be her mother. I reflect on her birth and know that I really drew on my resources to birth her and I needed to do that to mother her.
With DS - well his birth showed me what my body could do in Peace surrounded by Love and a controlled environment of silence and darkness. He taught me to gather my instincts and listen to them - they will never fail me - that's what birthing him taught me.
DD6 taught me that my body Knows" what to do and that there is no by the book labour. Parenting her wasnt by the book either. She taught me that babies make their own rules!
DD5 taught me that I alone birthed - not my support but me. That me listening to my body and joining with the flow of my body, listening to the Wise Women that surround all birth would help me through. And they did. She taught me that I could trust myself, my decisions and my feelings. Thankyou Eva...
My angel babies my DD1 angel taught me that I could survive the death of my precious child. That the sun would still shine and the people in the street sipping coffee had no clues. No idea and that the orld would still go on... So I could go on - through torturous pain I could go on...
DS angel - He taught me that even in death I could feel joy - I cried through his labour, I laughed, I pushed and I felt triumph at the birth - for a moment. He taught me even in death there is joy.
DD angel - she gave me the strength to continue. She whispered to me that there would be a baby to hold warm in my arms. I parented differently from then on. I had a Faith that sometimes was shaken but it was part of me...
Imogen - when she was born I felt like God or the Goddess had spoken - had personally delivered her. I felt this incredible surge of strength for her angel siblings were in the room that day with the Wise Women of birth. I have no doubt. I could almost see tjem - but definitely I could feel them. Her birth confirmed that miracles happen. They happen and they are real. She taught me about thankfulness, gratitude and Grace. I drank in every second of her life with gratitude - as I never knew if she would stay - at least not for a while. That drinking in of her hasn't finished or changed. I hang on her every action, milestone and mannerisim. For in having her I lost so much - but gained her amazing Being.
I believe with each child we birth we change. There is a lesson, a quality that we are given. For me each birth formed my parenting experience.
1. I tried my best at labour and to some people I'm sure it looks like I failed. Epidural and forceps. To me, I was a champion. Three days of labour, posterior baby, three hours of pushing. Pain management techniques worked until the third day.
2. Breastfeeding. Tried and again, I'm sure to some people, I failed. When I got home from hospital for the first week, I got a half-hour break between trying to attach, expressing and feeding the expressed milk then a formula top-up. I went on to express for two months.
So I think my early experiences are just indicative of what sort of person I am. I'm not someone who gives up easily, I will try my damndest but at the end of the day, the only person's judgement that I respect and fear is my own.
I actually think I'm a pretty good mum but no, DD's birth and our BF experience are no longer important to me. I think being a mum is much more than that. But, on the other hand, I can totally understand how they would be traumatic.
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