Is it a bit much to write post-birth guidelines for visitors?

[Boo Boo]

Maybe I'm weird but I would never expect a hold of a brand new baby and in fact friends with new babies have actually said to me " would you like to hold the new bub" because I havn't asked to hold their new bub. I have visited new bubs in hospital and havn't thought anything of leaving and not having a hold of the new bub. I guess I was not only excited about "seeing" (not holding) the new baby but also seeing the new Mum and supporting and congratulating her. Anyway, that's just me and everyone's different.

[HotI]

I'm the same as you Boo Boo, i don't think it is a 'right' that visitors get to hold a new baby.

[sloane]

i agree as well - i never ask for a cuddle but wait until someone asks if i'd like to hold the baby. most people waited for me to offer with DS but others just sort of barged in & asked when they were getting a hold.

[Jennifer13]

I haven't read everyone's responses, but here are a few things that worked for us:

- We had relatively short visiting hours anyway, but we shortened them further. DP suggested certain times to those who wanted to visit so we weren't innundated all at once. Or he gave them different days (we were there for a few days because of c/s).
- If you can, try to be holding the baby yourself as soon as people arrive. Due for a feed is a good excuse, or just had a feed. People seemed less inclined to take the baby from Mum sitting in bed, plus it's harder to grab the baby if you're holding it.
- I got DP to pass on instructions about things like washing hands (we even insisted MIL wear no perfume, she usually doused herself in the stuff). So no smokey-smells sounds perfectly fair to me.
- The m/ws told us that if we were having visitor troubles to buzz them and they'd be happy to come and shoo people away.

Now I am a mother I don't feel it's right to pass a new baby around or take it from its mother. The bonding between mother and baby is such an important thing and I don't feel I have any right to come between them just because I would like a snuggle. When Mum is comfortable offering a hold, I'm happy to accept, but I take the view that unless Mum offers, it's not my place to ask.

Plus, what about what the baby wants? He/she wants to be with Mum and Dad, not passed around and touched by a bunch of strangers (strange to them, anyway). If I went to a party and a whole bunch of people I was meeting for the first time wanted me to come and sit on their laps I'd be quite perturbed! Physical touching can wait until we know each other a bit better. Shouldn't be any different for a baby, just because they can't say anything. I think any crying is their way of saying give me back to Mum!

PS BTW I get that different ppl expect different things and might be put out. They'll get over it. Make sure you tell them you appreciate the visit, have a photo taken with you and them with bub if there's no holding, etc. Don't be rude, just firm. I cared more about what my baby thought about the whole thing than anyone else.

[Pip82]

I'm the same as you Boo Boo, i don't think it is a 'right' that visitors get to hold a new baby.

Totally agree. I wouldn't be offended at all not holding the baby. Good luck with whatever you decide Tenibear.