Children at the birth
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Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you have a happy healthy one!
My children have been at each of their siblings births. Our eldest daughter is 11 tomorrow and she was present when her brother was born - she was 5 1/2. We prepared her well, she watched birth videos, we read her books (Hello Baby is a fantastic book for this), she came to most of my antenatal visits, she 'helped' the midwife to palpate my belly and listened with the doppler.
When it came labour day she was so so excited. As we drove to the birth centre she said "this is the night my baby brother or sister is coming to meet us!". I had packed a 'show bag' for her. Colouring in, poppers, chippies etc and I also had a present for her after the baby was born from her new sibling. I began a family tradition during the pregnancy where she chose a teddy for her new sibling and also an outfit that was the very first thing the baby wore.
She was absolutely fine during labour. She wiped my brow and chatted between contractions. She had my sister in law there as her support but that wasn't even needed really. She knew that I would make strange noises and she had heard them on the videos and seen pictures in books. When Finn was born he was caught by my husband and then passed to me. It was the most amazing incredible and beautiful experience to look up into the eyes of my oldest baby and her daddy. We were a family of four and we all helped with the birth. Ruby wanted to cut the cord and she did this. It was very very special.
So both her and Finn were at Lucy's birth and Ruby again cut her sisters cord. Again all three were there to welcome their youngest sister Eva into the world. Hers was a water birth so they couldn't see as much but it was just beautiful. Again Ruby cut the cord.
I am a huge fan of siblings at births. For me birth is a momentous occassion and one that shouldn't be hidden away from siblings. They all know how babies come out and they all know it hurts but you live! They of course are given a choice if they want to be there or not but wild horses won't keep them away.
I have been at many births where siblings are present and I have never seen it go sour. Of course sometimes in birth there are unexpected challenges, if that happens children are sometimes better not to be there. They can go out of the room and reenter when things are on track. Ours is one of the few cultures that excludes siblings from the birthing experience. I don't know if it is to do with their inclusion in the pregnancy and birth experience but none of my children had sibling rivalry that sometimes happens. They understood why mama was a bit tired after the birth, The feeling of all of those little hands upon me gave me the strength to push and to focus. Seeing all of their faces as they love their brother/sister for the first time is absolutely priceless....
This type of birth isn't for everyone. We all have to make decisions around birth that sit comfortably with our own value systems and personal comfort zones.
Some women feel that it's too much information for children or that it will damage them to see you in pain. I believe it is a lesson in life. I can say there was no fear with my kids they understood that I would make noise and that there would be some blood and it would hurt Mama a lot. During pregnancy, especially the last weeks I would make groaning noises and pushing sounds so they knew what I may sound like. (sounds a bit wierd but it worked!!!) I hope my girls won't fear childbirth - something that is all so common these days. And I hope my son will draw on his memories of his mothers labours when he has a partner birthing his child. After Finn was born Ruby came home from school one day and said a boy at schools mum had had her baby. She said "it's really wierd Mum he didn't go"... I liked that she saw being present to see your sibling born as completely normal and natural. Which of course it is!!!
If you would like any information or any support let me know. Good luck with making a decision that is right for you and your family.
Big hugs and congratulations!
If you don't have someone to help with your child, you could always have a Doula but the thing is if you have no other family or friends who can come and get them if it's a long labour, it can be hard, especially when there is no-where they can sleep or nap. Luckily Elijah was born in the morning, went to hospital at around 9 and he was born by 10, so it worked well for Marisa!
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