Wow. Thanks guys. I think you've helped me make up my mind. Of course I will leave it up to her, but with enough preparation I'm sure she will cope fine, if she chooses to be there for the birth.

DH is not her father and I really want her to feel as much a part of the process as possible, and don't want her to feel as though she's any less a part of the family. I think if we do something similar to what you've suggested, she will think it is extremely special - as will I.

Thank you both for your ideas - I feel much better about it all now!