I get what you're asking Mel, and while I don't think that first births are always traumatic, it seems to be that the majority of traumatic births are firsts. Consequently, I have sometimes wondered how many women experience 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc births that are traumatic? Or is it that by nature of the fact that with 2nd and subsequent births you know what you're in for, you're more likely to know what you want, and less likely to be traumatised by the exeperience?
Anyone else have thoughts on this?
I think the fact that the body has not birthed before could make first births generally more difficult/traumatic than 2nd and subsequent births (I mean generally speaking; there would of course be many women who have not experienced this to be the case!), but I think there are several other first-birth factors that contribute to the fact that there are higher rates of first births that are traumatic birth compared to 2nd and subsequent births that are traumatic. I think some of the factors include: the nature of the expierience and lack of preparation/understanding about the physiological process of birth (unique to firsts), unnecessary intervention (when the woman doesn't understand her options, more likely in firsts) and poor/inadequate care (when women don't realise that their chosen 'care giver' doesn't necessarily care! Also more likely in firsts). The good news is that by nature of the fact that you're doing your research, you should avoid most of these But, as others have said, there are also factors in traumatic births that would have been there regardless of whether it was a first birth or not - positioning, foetal distress, etc.
Mel, I had an OK time for the first 28 hours of labour - I would say fantastic, but sometimes midwives appeared and whinged at me and told me off. The last five hours were fairly crap. I've been told by another midwife for that trust that they didn't listen to me ("I am in labour." "I'm not in pain." "I am aware of drugs, I don't want them at the moment, it really doesn't hurt." "I am going to push because that's what my body is doing and you've just said I'm fully dialated.") because it was my first time. So maybe the first time is worse not because of the mother being unprepared, but because of the expectations of the midwives to just treat you as an idiot and not listen to a word you say.
I did it the opposite way around. Numbers 1 and 2 were both Birth Centre Water Births. My midwives were wonderful, and knew my name. I have seen them since and they have said my name when I said hello in the shops.
My health with #3 in the last trimester precluded me from the birth centre. I had been booked in but had to be transferred to the L&D system. My BC MW is one of my FB friends, and I saw her partner (they work in teams) and even she remembered my name when we had only spoken on the phone, because I told her that I wished DD3 could have been born there.
The L&D MW though didn't have a clue who I was and tried to tell me that I wasn't ready to push. 5 minutes later my baby was born, with a smaller head than average so I did not need to be 10cm to be fully dilated anyway, the diameter of her head was 9cm.
Definitely go for the more physiological to begin with. If you need to you can be transferred to L&D but it doesn't work the other way around. All the best for your family!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO MEL!! You CAN give birth in water in any hospital in WA! The legislation changed last year. Don't let them try to tell you otherwise!! And even if they didn't "allow" it, they can't really stop you anyway. They're not allowed to try to pull you out because that's assault. I would definately have a home waterbirth again and would have the first time had I had the opportunity. Unfortunately I didn't know about the Community Midwifery Program, I thought I had to have a private midwife to have a homebirth and I couldn't afford that.
It's up to you what you decide to do of course but I really wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks. Labour and birth is the biggest physical feat you may ever experience, and while other people are entitled to their opinions it affects you fifty thousand times more than it does anyone else including DP. My partner was against my having a homebirth as well, and I point blank told him I didn't give a rats. My first birth was so horrible (even though both me and bubs were physically fine) I couldn't face going to hospital again, it just wasn't an option. Now that he's actually witnessed both, he's as pro-homebirth as I am and gets really annoyed when uneducated people act as if there's something wrong with it.
A first time birth can be a little more difficult to get through IMO, than second or third, etc. That DOESN'T have to mean traumatic! It's all new, and your body hasn't stretched that way before, but with good support and education, you'll be just fine. You were made to give birth, and your body can do it. It might take a little more work the first time, but, as I said, that doesn't have to mean trauma!
When it comes to labour and birth, I'd definitely recommend a doula. She'll be there to support you and advocate for you when you are too focussed on contractions to put up a fuss. She'll help make sure that your wishes are met, as long as that's possible. She'll help you cope with the contractions and keep you focussed. She can also show your husband how to help you.
And, for practical advice in labour - stay up and stay active, and use water for pain relief in whatever way you can.
I don't know if it's FIRST births in itself, but FEAR of the unknown that gets people in situations where they give into their ob/middy/hossy because they don't know any better and have not thought to learn during their pregnancy!
Do your research & read birth & labour stories. Find what appeals most to you, your comfort zone. Ring midwives, hospitals, etc, see what they offer, and what pricing plans are available. Do NOT worry about what your family think, if you want to be at home, do it. YOU are having this baby, YOU are having this pain, YOU need to be in your comfort zone, NOT THEM! Hubby on the other hand, you will want him on side, so research. Ask him to go to an interview with a middy or a tour of the birthing centre, etc, with an open mind.
Read labour stories, and google episiotomies, vitamin k, everything and anything at all, and read the pro's and the con's.
A lot of ladies seem to go into pregnancy and birth seeming to have the total trust in the medical system (on the surface, why wouldn't you? one would like to think they work in our health's interest, but unfortunately it doesn't always seem the case). This total trust allows the patient to follow every instruction or precaution the doc/ob/nurse says, without questioning WHY SHOULD I, or what happens IF I DO NOT, or asking I DONT UNDERSTAND. End result can often be learning in hindsight that perhaps some interventions weren't necessary, or that really they weren't given a choice, or had a lack-of-information. One friend of mine was telling me about her labour on her back on the bed, docs had put her there, I got out the Sit Up & Take Notice book on birthing positions, and showed her how she'd been cheated of an extra 2cm room for baby to pass through when the tailbone lifts up, she was shocked! She was also all over checking out our placenta which we kept, as she'd not been given a chance to even look at hers!
End of the day, knowledge is power. Do your research, and you'll get the birth you want. And if interventions come into it, you'll be educated enough to make the choices necessary, and feel comfortable making them too!
My first was a hospital birth complete with induction, morphine, gas, epidural, tearing - you get the idea.
I was petrified of a repeat experience when I got pregnant with my daughter and made an effort to do everything I could to avoid this happening.
Well I did this - I waited until I went into natural labour, used a Birth Centre rather than a hospital and I LOVED LOVED LOVED every bit of my labour and birth.
I have learnt that trust in your body to do what it knows to do is essential as well as having the right people around you to help you achieve your birth.
I would suggest reading everything you can get your hands on, having a FLEXIBLE birth plan and start meditating/visualising your "perfect" birth.
Mel, I really want to congratulate on reading up about this already and being prepared. My biggest regret is not knowing more about labour and birth before DS1 was born.
I am one of "those people" too, who did everything wrong the first time. I allowed them to lie me on my back for an internal, and when the contractions were more painful that way, they bullied me into an epdiural. From there things went downhill and I was lucky to escape with a vaginal birth using forceps and an episotomy that gave me grief for a long time afterwards. Second time I was informed and prepared, and although it was still a hossy birth, it was much better - no epidural and the best feeling in the world afterwards - and no painful stitches!!
If you are comfortable with a birth centre for your first, good on you. I think that's an awesome way to do it and you should go for it. Read up everything you can, starting with New Active Birth, and go in there informed and empowered. And believe me, you'll feel even more empowered after a positive birthing experience.
Well my first birth was a home birth by accident. I think of it as a mish mash of positive and traumatic experience. My waters broke on the bed at 5.30am. I toddled off to the bath room and that is where I stayed for the hour and a half that DD took.Obviously a totally natural labour. My xp (abusive partner) did not call an ambulance until she was born. I got to birth DD the way I felt needed. I stood the entire time and got to push when I felt the urge to push. So in that way I feel it was positive however like the other women have said support is critical. Xp didn't help until after she was born. I was ALONE the entire labour and petrified. To be completly honest I didn't even click I was in labour. I didn't have contractions every few minutes it just felt like one major one. I was in so much shock it was very traumatizing. If I had a do over I would of loved to had a family birthing suite and still got to be mobile .
kylie - sorry to blurt out.... but he sounds like an ABSOLUTE *****!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad he's an ex, not calling ambulance & leaving you alone at a moment like that, shame on him!
But, as others have said, there are also factors in traumatic births that would have been there regardless of whether it was a first birth or not - positioning, foetal distress, etc.
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