With DD I was induced, so had a precautionary epi put in the night before in case I went into labour overnight - whilst they were inserting the epi "Dammit I'm not supposed to be here, I'm meant to be at home cooking the lamb roast I took out this morning!"

And as my Dr walked through the door after DD's birth - "You're late. I've done all the hard work already" To which he just laughed and walked over to where she was being weighed and measured by the midwives