DD1 was a scary time, but the only thing I managed funny was as the bed was getting moved up, it squeaked, and I said ' the bed is saying get off fat pig lol'

DD2 was a little more relaxed, I managed things like
'told you they don't just fall out' to DH!
'now lets organise this vasectomy' to my doctor while pushing her out
I know there is more, but I can not remember them all now...