Funny things you said in labour

with my second i was going to my last clinic appt where i encountered the rudist weasel student doctor after a 3 hour wait we had parting words something to the effect
D: well i will be seeing you again next week maybe if you keep your sugar levels steady you might have this baby before then
Me : well lets bloody hope thats the case cause i so won't be seeing you again

guess who was rostered on when i went into spontaneuous(sp) labour
at one stage i had him by his tie and wouldn't let go till he got me an epidural which he promised then left the room my husband tells me he walked to the door way and stood just outside i ebded up delivering DS within 5 minutes of him leaving

oh i did loads of i hate you , it is your fault , don't laugh at me this i sso not bloody funny come closer i dare you come on .... to my DH who by the way swears not once did he laugh at me

The funniest thing in my labor is my addiction to the gas, and hubbys lack of understanding of the necessity it really is. Whilst I think its around 7- 9cm I prefer to begin sucking at the start, so I am off my face for the top....so to keep it close I was laying with it a few cms beside me on the pillow. (easy to grab)

Well my hubby dared to move it and tell me I needed a break from it as I was falling asleep. You can imagine my reaction.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I remember also telling my DH that i wouldn't be making "all that fuss and noise" - hmmm lol yeah right!
And when i first held Evan (a towel was around him) I asked "did anyone see his willy? Is it definately a boy?", and then i asked a few minutes later "did anyone notice the time?" - my mw replied "of course, what kind of MW do you think i am?!!" (she is a close family friend).
Oh and while i was pushing him out I couldn't focus on anything (hadn't had any pain relief so must've been that escatic birth hormone thing working) and DH kept saying to me "Linds, look at Julie (MW)" - he was trying to get me to focus - and i kept replying "I don't want to look at Julie!".

:lol:

these are fantastic. This thread is a must for everyone to read.

I hope I have some funny things to add to this thread very soon.

About 3 hrs into labour I said "this better bloody be transition, cause I can't stand much more of this". He was born about 10 hrs later. Needless to say it wasn't transition. I wanted the pain to stop but it never occured to me to ask for drugs.

During the actual transition there was a lot of "I can't do this" and DH was nicely encouraging, later he said he was thinking well you've got no choice!

Hahahaha, Willow PMSL

Well this wasn't my story (obviosuly ;) lol) but my dad tells the story of mum, when giving birth to me, was having an internal and they must have done something that REALLY hurt, and she scaremed "get the f*#! away from there!" and kicked her in the chest - the mw was down for the count lol!

And then with my youngest bro (her last) she worked out how to use the gas (had never used it before!) about 10 minutes before my bro was born and continued after my bro was born until the mw snatched it out of her hands after my mum decided it would be hysterical to try and play "piggy in the middle" with the mask and the mw!!!!!

I've never been in labor, but something I say to DP is "If you faint when i'm giving birth, you'd better hope you stay there!". My SIL with 3 kids reckons, yep, thats just about right too!

i said heaps of starnge things when i had the gas before my epi and while being stitched up. I remember the anaethetist walked into the room and introduced himself to me and i kept giggling and calling him Scott Cam like it wwas the funniest thing anyone had ever said, his na,e wasn't Scott and he didn't look anything like Scott Cam....The midwife stopped my epi drugs a couple of hours before i started to push but i was reaking out over the pain so she got a hypnotist/anaethatist in to talk to me, he was amazing, when he turned to leave i grabbed his arm and told him i loved him.....When i was being stitched up i had a student watching ti and i kept teasing him cause he looked quite nervous (understandably) i was making quite crude jokes that were hilarious to me, i also laughed at the sound of my poor baby screming hysterically in the background, i remember taking the gas out f my noutha nd saying "you know you should stop sucking on the gas when you are laughing at the sound of your extremely distressed newborn baby" then i started sucking on the gas again. There were sooo many more strange things i said on gas but i can't think of them now.

While my friend was in labour her helpful DP fell asleep in the chair near the bed (well, it was a looong... labour!!). I don't know how she had the sense or the energy to do it (I certainly wouldn't have), but she picked up a shoe and chucked it at his head, telling him "If I can't sleep through this, neither can you!"

During my labour my dad rang the hospital (which really annoyed me, like we wouldn't tell him when we'd had the baby) and I told the lady to tell him to p*ss off- not language I would use in parents company! I'm sure she toned it down for him when she got back to the phone!

I also remember saying that I was lazy (after 20 odd hours of contractions!) and that I'm not very good at this, over and over again. To which the midwife and DH had to keep repeating that yes, I was doing fine, but I think it shocked me that the labour wasn't what I was expecting.

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Well this wasn't my story (obviosuly ;) lol) but my dad tells the story of mum, when giving birth to me, was having an internal and they must have done something that REALLY hurt, and she scaremed "get the f*#! away from there!" and kicked her in the chest - the mw was down for the count lol!

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That reminds me - when I had my only internal it hurt so much I wanted to kick the OB, and I thought I tried, but DH said I didn't. Message for you all, don't say yes to an internal unless absolutly necessary!

Sorry nothing funny happened in my labour (at all) - but I just wanted to say it warmed the ****les of my heart reading this thread. Thanks, everyone :)

i hear you on the internal, i tried to shuffle up the bed away from the doc. the second internal i was 10cm dilated, couldn't feel her then, there was plenty of room!!!

One of my m/w at our pre natal classes told me a funny one.

She said the woman, after many hours of labour and drugs, grabbed the m/w by the lapels and screamed in her face:

"I shouldn't have let you **** me!!"

The m/w took it in her stride. She says that the woman had no idea she had just said it and that for some reason she had mistaken her for the DH. I thought that was pretty funny.

I'm afraid I didn't say anything funny. I didn't find it to be a particularly amusing thing to be doing. But all of your stories are hilarious.

I begged for an epidural while i was in transition, but i guess that's pretty stock stuff.

When i lay down for my 2nd VE (DD was crowning) i felt her head with my hand and the midwife turned in surprise and said to the other midwife "Well! Fully dilated wouldn't you say?" with a smile and i, feeling the tips of DD's ears slowly oozing out of me said "Can you check!?" ROFL!

For any of you who went on YouTube to look at Birth 8 (talked about in the labour/birth montage thread), i showed it to XP yesterday and waited for him to be amazed. The only birth he's seen was DD's and he was very nonchalant - "you looked like that when DD was coming out, isn't that normal?" - i nearly fell off my chair! Apparently i was smiling and excited during crowning too - i sure didn't think i was!

Bx

my last bub came 5 wks early I kept saying i'll come back in 5 wks
my 2nd bub the midwife said no1 wanted to see my combined pass except I thought she said she had lived in this town I had lived in b4 so I said you used to there? me too and started going on & on about it

my DH said to friends & family the next day when they said he looked tired, "what do you expect I was up all night alright for (her) she got to lay down the whole time "
gee thanks a lot lol

Mine wasn't real funny but..I had to have an epidural (which didn't work properly-bugger) as bubs was in distress. It was 12.30am and they had to wake the anesthesist up, he finally arrived and after having a big shot of gas the anesthesist asked if i had any questions before going ahead with the epidural, i said "Yeah - you have had enough sleep haven't you? cause if your sticking that thing anywhere near my spine it would be good if your on the ball" Needless to say that went down like a lead balloon, i don't think he was very happy, and he had to keep topping up the epidural cause i could still feel my whole right side - i couldn't get him out of there sooner...

I cried to the midwife saying, "Did I break the record for the quickest person to ask for an epidural?" and "I'm just not good at this." And then during the pushing stage, I asked my DF "Do I look pretty?" But that was as close to funny as I got because boy, I was in some pain and very unhappy about it! Oh and I ended up with a c-section and when DF turned to me to say isn't he beautiful or whatever, all I could say was "You've got blood on your face!" They must have splashed him as they pulled Luca out!

Thanks for sharing though girls. So gorgeous! Makes me wanna do it all again. :)

Ha ha. This is funny!

Mine were:

Oh my god father!!!

and

Holy fu**ing dooly!!!!

Oh these are good!

I had the gas and told my husband that we needed to put oil on the grill. Dont know where that came from. Also said to him, the cats are in the freezer. (this makes a little more sense, as our cats are able to open the cupboard doors and get in to eat their biscuits, and we have an upside down fridge/ freezer)

I also kept apologising to the midwife.

I was an apologiser too, I did a poop on the bed (not ashamed, it happens!!) and kept saying sorry to the midwife over and over.

I also did the classic transition stuff of "Just cut him out" and "Can you just pull him out, I can't push"

I was a moo-er, I said I'd be super quiet hahaha yes, right. DH said I sounded like a cow being slaughtered LOL thanks love!

I'll have to consult mum about this though, I remember at one point everyone laughing but I cannot remember why. Watch this space :D

LOL what a crack up.
After I had pushed Yasin out I asked if was all over then when they putting the stitches in I started complaining because they had told me it was over.
They gave me the gas then (probably to shut me up lol) and when they finished putting the stitches in I refused to give it back rofl - they made DH take it away from me and I was trying to fight him for it.

ETA - This thread reminded me of one of the funniest threads I have read on BB so I went hunting through the archives
Funny story about my sister's friend...

I remember sitting on the ball in the shower an hour before DD was born, begging for a panadol !???

Needless to say they didnt give me one..

Thanks for digging that up dachlostar, it's hilarious.
I have to empathise with her though that felt similar to me, I just didn't express it that way.

I had an epidural so was quite calm and placid for the most part. When it came time to push, I told everyone in the room (there was 7 of them) that the Anethatist (sp) was a saint, and when the Ob. told me she was going to tell him I said that I replied, good because its the truth.
I also laid back and closed my eyes between contractions and the Ob was saying "I dont think she can do this" and I just sat up and smiled at them all and I said "its ok, I was just resting my eyes!"

I was in transition and DH said to me "we're going to meet our baby soon, aren't you excited?!" to which I replied "No!!! Stop being excited!!!"

When we arrived for my induction I told DH he had better buy me the biggest bunch of flowers eva for this but during transition I grabbed his t-shirt and told him I'd buy him all the flowers in the world if he made the pain stop.
Then as Olivia was crowning I was screaming at my OB to cut me and if he didn't I would do it myself because I can do that you know because I'm a midwife you know.
Also I was very apologetic to my midwife, OB and everyone in the room except for DH. I had to keep asking DH what we had. I ended up asking about 5 times before I remembered.

I'm loving these stories. Keep them coming.

During my labour I pulled DH aside and said "if I ever say to you later that labour wasn't that bad just remind me of this moment right now because it really is that bad!"

When Charlie finally came after 22 hours and feeling like there was no end in site, he was put on my chest and all I could say was "Oh my God!"



Rachael

Dan, PMSL @ you doing your own episitomy. Not something you really want to try out hun ;)

I had a rant (loudly) about having a private room after birth...it was my privlege being a staff member :) and i remember them all just say 'ok Nat'

and I told my m/w slash support person that I didnt want to do this anymore in transition...and she replied...'ok Nat lets all go home and have a nice cup of tea' ...I thought dark thoughts ;)

You know how the nurse keeps saying *you are doing well* I turned to her and snapped *I bet you say that to everyone!*

I didn't have much funny stuff to say during labour. I was an avid apologiser though - and did tell the mid to tell m Ob to "just get this thing bloody out of me!". I also remember telling the anethetist "Ouch! That's my ****ing back!" (he hit ligament). Apparently I made lots of comments that had them thinking I was in transition - even though I wasn't anywhere near it! Hmmmm.....

Early labour

"I l..o..v..e this shower." "Why the H*%% didn't anyone tell me how good hot water is before this?" "Hey do you rekon they have water restrictions?" "Get out of the shower you have got to be kidding" "No if you want to see how dilated my hooha is you can come in here!" "I don't care if I have my baby in the toliet, I'm not moving"

*Bribed with promises of gas and jelly beans* Get half way tpo the door
"Oh bugger this I want my water back"

*more bribery and DH leading me (quite forcefully) to the bed. Get on the bed
"F off I want my shower" - gas kicks in.


"Oh gas is good, I like the gas"

Trasition
midwife tells DH to tak the gas away inbetween contractions, we have a tug o war wife 1 husband 0

Midwife says we are nearly fully dilated "are you lying just to make me feel better?"


After birth

beautiful little girl on my chest while OB is checking everything and doing 1 or 2 stiches for grazes. I stare deep into my little girls eyes and say ever so sweetly "It's ok sweety, you're OK" as she cries "Don't worry at least someones not stiching up your twot"

PMSL Sarah, that is priceless hun. Here's hoping one day you can share that moment with Ariya when she has her own babies :D

Haaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha that is great Sarah, the last little bit had me on the floor!

Oh Sara that's fantastic! PMSL!

I didn't say much at all in my labour i was quiet thru the pain so the midwives were happy when i said i wanted to go home cause they knew i was in transition! When they were telling me to push i told them no and wanted to tell them where to go but didnt have time cause by the time they got me to lay down (i had been standing) my DS popped out in one push while i was still half sitting up! No one caught him (he landed on the bed) and my first thought was wow i can lay down! OMG that's a baby! LOL dont know what i was expecting! Then he peed on me as they handed him over.

Lol Sarah, I am also PMSL, I loved that it was great.

nelly, such a little boy, peeing, I thought mine would do that.

When I was pregnant with my first baby and in labor I kept telling my beautiful midwife "I need to go to the toilet" and she kept reassuring me that it was just the babies head descending, I was being so polite, in the end I yelled at her 'You don't understand I need to *****!!!!", she smiled sweetly and told me again it was just the head, and gee it turns out she was right.:redface:

When DS was born and placed on my chest I just kept repeating "Oh my god, Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god look at it"

The other one I forgot was when I was pushing, after 17 hours of labor my mum is all excited telling me she can see the head "it's got dark hair" and I replied to her "Am I supposed to really F$#@ing care? Who f$%@ing cares?" One of the things I loved about him was his little swirls of dark hair.