Grrr.... C/S the easy way out!

[HollyC]

My sister has been bothering me with all her comments about c/s being the easy way to give birth.

The first thing she asked me when I told her I was pregnant was if I had booked in my c/s yet.

My DD was born by emergency c/s and at my 6 week checkup doc and I briefly discussed future births. My doctor said that I have the option of an elective c/s in the future. At my appointment today we started to discuss options more seriously. I would prefer not to have another c/s. OK with my doctor so now we wait and see how things go.

I'm fine with all this. The problem is all the comments from my sister. When I try to explain that c/s isn't easy she tells me that I wouldn't know because I haven't tried to push a baby out. She seems obsessed with the idea that I have this option of an elective c/s. She keeps on bringing it up and is surprised that I haven't "booked in" yet.

It is just so frustrating. Why does she bring it up constantly? And why does she care?

[Arimeh]

Cos sisters do this. My sister has had 4 sections and still doesn't understand why I want a VB so much.

Just because its right for one person, doesn't mean its right for you. And to your sister - csection is definitely not the easy way out

[MagicSeahorse]

You do what YOU want to do. I Desperatly wanted a VB, but was forced to have an emergency C/S Too. If you want a VB, GO FOR IT! We are all behind you with this. I know it's not true for all, but always felt C/S was a cop-out. PLease don't anyone take offence to that, that's just me.
Any way what I'm trying to say is you have our support with this.

[CrazyLady]

You do what YOU want to do. I Desperatly wanted a VB, but was forced to have an emergency C/S Too. If you want a VB, GO FOR IT! We are all behind you with this. I know it's not true for all, but always felt C/S was a cop-out. PLease don't anyone take offence to that, that's just me.
Any way what I'm trying to say is you have our support with this.

:yeahthat:

Couldn't have said it better myself! Go with what you feel is best for you!

[Amaunet]

Gosh - sometimes i'm glad i don't have a sister! I don't think any means of giving birth is "easy" - but it is none of her business! Maybe you could ask her why her self esteem is so low she feels the need to "compete" with you about your birth choices!

[~*lilla*~]

Maybe you could ask her why her self esteem is so low she feels the need to "compete" with you about your birth choices!

:yeahthat: My ex friend used to be like that. I had an extremely traumatic c/s for my 1st birth, and rather than supporting me, she told me how lucky I was to have a c/s because vb's were so much worse. I did point out to her that she hadn't actually had a c/s so how would she know? Her reply was that having a needle in your back and a little scar was far less painful that 8 hours of the back labour she had

It was almost like a competition that she was more of a woman and mother because she had a natural birth. *yawns*

[Snacks]

Sounds to me like you really need this place to vent. Sounds like your sister is a PITA, but she's family so you can't shoot her, LOL!
If she is rude and then tells you you are oversensitive for calling her on it, it just sounds like she's got her own issues and they have nothing to do with you, Holly. Keep your head about you, mate. Try to just detach yourself from what she says: make the competition one-sided. May not make it less fun for you (she sounds quite self-absorbed so I imagine she'll still enjoy belittling you) but might make it less hurtful to you.

[smiles4u]

I was up & walking not long after giving birth (the hospital was busy & they badly needed my room for a birth) ... then a quick shower then off to walk the long walk pushing bub to my room ... i'd like to see your sister do that after a c/s

I have friends who have had a VB & C/S with each of the two children & funny enough they both said they would rather a VB ... but once again like Mel said we are all different as people in what's best for us at the time !!


*** Maybe tell your sister if she cares about you like a sister would to not bring the subject up again as it's causing you unnecessary stress that you don't need !!!

[HollyC]

I'm perfectly happy with the way my previous birth went and I haven't even mentioned how this next one will be born.

The thing that is bugging me is that my sister keeps on bringing up how this baby should be born and pushing for a c/s. I wish she would just mind her business and stop telling me her theories about birth.

That is wishful thinking though. She often isn't aware when she is being offensive. Gentle hints don't work with her and I don't take it further as that has proven disastrous in the past.

I guess I'm just having a whinge.

[fionas]

I've had a reasonably similar problem with my friends recently in that one of them inparticular wanted to prove a point and I think that's what your sister is doing. It looks like she desperately wants you book a caesarean so that she can go around saying that you've chosen the easy option and therefore belittling you in some way.

It sounds like she's a difficult person to deal with so I'm not sure there's ANYTHING you can do to get her to shut it. You could try something simple and direct like, "Please stop talking about the caesarean, it's my decision and I don't need input from you," but I don't think she'd necessarily respect your wishes. So I'd probably just say, "no, I haven't and I'm not going to - I'm going to see how things go."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr ... people.

[Arimeh]

Holly - you are fully entitled to have a whinge - and believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from.

At the moment I'm having to deal with telephone calls from my mum, and she puts in things like "oh when you have the baby at the hospital" (no, I'm going to a birth centre) "oh, you'll be out of action for a while after the csection" (um no, I'm getting a VBAC this time round)

So try not to pay too much attention to it, and focus on just you and your bub. Thats what matters.

[Megan]

Holly, I don't get it either. I wanted a VB, but ended up with a c/s and 6 months later I still don't feel fully recovered and still have some discomfort. Why people think that is the "easy" way to have a baby I don't know.
When I went to my workplace after DS was born and mentioned I would like another baby, my old boss said "of course you would, you had an easy pain free birth", right after she also asked me "what's it like to be a lady of leisure?" (huh? a lady of leisure with a newborn?) Some people are just irritating and have these preconceived ideas of how things are and there's no changing their mind.
Good luck with which ever way bub comes into this world.

[JellyBean]

Aw gee- people and their comments!! And family sometimes seem to be the worst!!

Perhaps its worth reminding your sister that a c-section cut and subsequent discomfort and recovery time is far greater than any cut a VB will incur. Then there is the greater risk of miscarriage & uterine rupture with successive c-sections.
Also she is probably not taking into account that many people wish to VB so they can avoid drugs that are necessary with a C-section (ie anesthetic, epidural etc), but which increase the risk of side effects for the mother and baby (nausea and breathing difficulties etc).
Then there are factors such as increased feeding difficulties in babies exposed to anesthetic and antibiotics (routine for c-section), and the flood of endorphins (happy hormones) which often are not triggered after a c-section as the body does not register that birth has occurred- hence increasing the risk of PND (something I doubt she'd be aware of given that she is too proud to read birth books!).
So yeah - I think it may be worth reminding her that wanting a VB it is about more than just the actual avenue that the baby comes out of!!!

Best of luck with your VB!! With the right kind of support I'm sure you will get the birth you are after.

XX

[me83]

Holly- big hugs to you.

It sounds like the issue is that your sister has some serious problems with either self esteem or tact (or both) and is taking it out on you. Her comments are obviously not founded on facts and must be infuriating to listen to. I have found that the only way to deal with this type of behaviour when it comes to family members is to set clear boundaries so that they know it is not ok to talk to you about it. It is ok for them to think it, just not to tell you what they think. When i was pregnant and had a series of unhelpful comments from a family member I tried the following:

Next time she says he unhelpful remark, I would be extremely direct and say something along the lines of "your comments regarding......are not helpful and I feel that you are being judgemental. Please keep your opinions about this to yourself in future." I guarantee she wont be impressed but if she wants to be involved she will talk to you again, and if she is concerned about looking better than you she will not bring it up again for fear of another rather direct comment from yourself. You may need to be prepared for her to not talk to you for a few days tho. I really hope you figure it out, as it is so much harder listening to the comments when you are pregnant and already have enough on your plate.