hospital visitors

[Smoke Jaguar]

I just wanted my parents (one out of two wasn't bad in the end!) and DP's mum (his dad passed away 6 months prior) to visit when DS was born, but got a bit more and DP totally let me down on the baby holding front - something we had discussed beforehand, too! People were good when we got home and called to see when a good time was to come. In the end, visitors came towards the end of that first week, after the baby blues had come and gone.
With DD we had to revisit the discussion again and DP still didn't want to be my advocate (pretty much bailing to leave me advocate for myself if the midwife wasn't here...and she only came to visit for about an hour for the first 3 days when no-one else was here!) cos he didn't want to be 'the bad guy' (instead of thinking of it as being my 'good guy'!!) to his family (wasn't going to be an issue with my parents this time as they live in the country now).
I didn't change my mind once I'd given birth either time - I just got railroaded when I was at my most vulnerable the first time round, and this time round keep DD close to my chest...in a sling! And it was up to me to have to say no to a couple of requests to hold her
I'm glad for it - it's been 9 days and we've got a really good communication going on - which was a bit interrupted with DS and he was more unsettled in the first couple of weeks when visitors and 'baby holding' were most frequent. DP reckons it's 'just' personality difference, and I say that can't be it and that it has to be a combination of birth, no baby passing and a bit of personality. But definitely no baby passing has to be credited with how safe and secure she feels!
It's YOUR time, YOUR newborn and you only get it once (as my wonderful friend, Bathsheba keeps telling me!!). You won't regret keeping your baby to yourself, and you're more likely to regret folding and letting people into your space too early.
Don't tell yourself that you're 'only' a first time mum - your instincts are gold, trust them, go with them and defend them. I'm defending mine as a SECOND time mum!

[HollyC]

I really enjoyed having visitors at the hospital. I found it so much easier. There were lovely ladies who came in and cleaned every morning, all my meals were provided, a bin to put dirty baby linen in and all the usual stuff. So all I needed to do was shower and get dressed and feed my baby. I was a bit overwhelmed when I got home and found visitors more difficult.

I also found that people didn't tend to stay long and didn't arrive until afternoon. There were only a couple of extra chairs in my room. Maybe that would be a good way to keep visits short? Get rid of extra chairs!

On the day that the blues kicked in I only had one visitor. Everyone had gone away as it was the sunday of a long weekend. I think the lack of visitors got me down even more.

As a few people have said, include in the announcement SMS or phone call that everyone is to call before visiting.

[Daytona's Mummy]

I would have to agree with everyone else in saying to see how you feel when the time comes. I wouldn't say I was bored with being in there with ds, (had to stay 4 days ) but I was feeling really closed in and trapped by not being at home in my own space. I pretty much told everyone I wasn't feeling well enough for visitors (more like ones I didn't want to put up with while feeling trapped already) and only asked a few close friends up for visits to keep my sanity as DS's father left straight after the birth before DS was even cleaned up and didn't come back for 2 days when he sobered up!

Then once I got home, 2 weeks later, I had a Sat afternoon BBQ kind of thing and had all the visitors in 1 go. They stayed for about 3-4 hours but DS went down in his bed only about an hour after they arrived and anyone that wanted to see him after that had to just quietly look but not touch IYKWIM? expartner was VERY firm on no-one holding him but for him it was just another power trip to boost his ego.
This time, I'm hoping to only stay for the min time then go home and I'm not worried about visitors, Everyone knows to call first so if we don't want any, will just tell them it's not a good time and when it would be better. Will do the BBQ thing again though and lots of cuddles over and done with in 1 go, on 1 day! Cause this time I have a VERY proud DH eager to show her off !

[Visitor3]

I would personally say from my own experience to have people come to the hospital. I had an emergency c-section and just wanted to rest and take care of my beautiful DD who just cried from the time she woke to the time she fell asleep in the first month after she was born. After I had my DD I was filled with pure love and on a high but also sore so I much preferred having everyone come to the hospital than come to the house after a week or two when the sleep deprivation really kicked in and I was in no mood to make coffee's for myself let alone for anyone else. DH ended up running around making coffee and putting out biscuits when people came over. To be honest, even though people meant well and came after a week or two because they wanted us to "get settled first", I kind of resented the people that came over because this was the hardest time for me.
In the hospital you don't have that pressure, if people are hungry or thirsty they can help themselves to the snack machine or go the cafeteria. After everyone leaves you have the nurses on hand to help you with baby if she/he gets overstimulated. Luckily DD slept he whole time I had visitors in hospital, but not when they came over to the house though. Next time I'll ask that if people prefer to visit me at home after we have "settled in" that they come after 3 months because it's only just now that some sort of normality has started to resume.
Good luck with whatever decision you make xx

[Smoke Jaguar]

Oh, no, you're doing it wrong if you're getting drinks for visitors!!
I've been changing from bed PJ's to fancier PJ's and plonking myself on my recliner chair with a basket of essentials near me (wipes, phones, remote control for DVD player, book, breast pads)...visitors know that I'm not in hostess mode

[Visitor3]

Oh, no, you're doing it wrong if you're getting drinks for visitors!!
I've been changing from bed PJ's to fancier PJ's and plonking myself on my recliner chair with a basket of essentials near me (wipes, phones, remote control for DVD player, book, breast pads)...visitors know that I'm not in hostess mode

I like it !

[alipetrina]

I'm actually a bit stressed out by this issue, mainly because of MIL. She's become quite intrusive and pushy recently and I'm finding it difficult to deal with. I think she presumed that we would allow her at the hospital during the birth and then she would come home from the hospital with us! Several times she's said "Don't forget to call us as soon as you go into labour" - not likely!! When DP said we'd prefer not to have them stay for the first couple of weeks because we'd like to get settled she got really cross and said sarcastically "Well, you get yourselves settled then". She's even tried to organise the baby's christening even though DP and I are not religious. Anyone want to swap MILs?

[Smoke Jaguar]

Oh, Ali, how hideous! My mum also has issues differentiating what's about her and what's about her...eek! Luckily, this time round my parents live 3 hours' drive away...small mercies...