Tan - the biggest reason why I had a c-section last time was fear - no medical reason whatsoever. And I found this time around my fears aren't as bad, but I have worked through them with hypnotherapy.... which is fantastic.. I feel no fear, and have no "bad fear thoughts" in my head. I keep imagining a relax, birthing atmosphere, and some pain, but none that i can't manage and holding my gorgeous bub at the end of it.
I'm sure you were actually after someone's experiences, but just thought I would put my 2c in as well.
I think the best approach is to tackle it head on - analyse your first birth and try to pinpoint exactly where you think things started to go wrong (well not wrong as such, but where you think your sliding doors moment was kwim? If there was a decision you made that may have impacted etc kwim?) Or if you felt that it was a support issue. I think having a small amount of fear is healthy in a way because we aren't invincible after all, but its letting the fear overcome you that is the problem.
So once you have worked through it all in your head, write down where you think you could make improvements and things you can do to remedy the issues. Did you write down your birth story from Izzy's birth? Go through that again and insert any more detail if you can remember it (incase you didn't go into a lot of detail) and ask you DH for his perspective too.
Trillian - problem is, many of my fears are VBAC based, not based on the fears I had with Izzy! I don't think I really had that many other than ending up in c/s!
I have a fear of losing my little man, my uterus, my life- they are not HUGE fears but they are there, and make me doubt myself, and if I am doing the right thing having a VBAC. Even writing that I know that it is the right thing to do but its like that little devil that sits on your shoulder whispering those doubts and fears in your ear when you least expect it IYKWIM! Writing it all down is definately a great idea though = I think I will do over the holidays and take it with me to my next antenatal class.
That's fair enough, they are pretty big concerns, but still they are things that could happen anyway in a normal vaginal birth without the previous history of a c/s kwim? So thats what you have to focus on - all the things that can go wrong can go wrong in a *normal* circumstance too. And with your VBAC you will be monitored more closely than if it were a normal vag birth so they will be on the lookout for signs that things could be happening - so someone will 'have your back' if you need it.
I never got to have the natural birth that I was hoping for...but in anticipation for that birth, I read a fantastic book called "birth skills". It's written by a Sydney physiotherapist who has had 20+ years experience helping labouring women...and it's co-written by Sarah Murdoch.
The book has very practical ways to deal with the labouring process.
I don't think it covers VBAC births, but it is definitely helpful as a general birthing book. Very practical, very real. My cousin is actually one of women featured in the book and she absolutely swears by the techniques. She ended up birthing a 10lb posterior baby with no medical intervention!!!
I so wish I got to use the strategies and techniques...but maybe one day!
To be honest I just put a lot of faith (and I don't mean religiously) into my body ... and figured if my body can get through a pregnancy for the 1st time at 40 and my body knows how to push all the right buttons ... then it would know what to do when in birth (apart from all the books I read & all the ante-natal classes I attended)
... And you know what my old body did just that
It was the most amazing experience, & I never felt so empowered (a drug-free birth I might add)
Yep, the book you're talking about is by Juju Sundin and I used that for two and a half days out of my three-day labour.
I think it's one thing to think "mind over matter" but really we need practical ways to manage the labour and pain.
I found the book wonderful.
She says that you can never be disappointed with your birth if you know that you've tried your best and if you've used the techniques that she recommends, then you really will know that you've done everything possible.
The techniques that she recommends are very practical and they work brilliantly. For most of my labour (with a posterior baby), I said "aaaaaaaah" very loudly and then banged stress balls together. The theory is that your body can only concentrate on one thing at a time so if you distract your brain, it won't have chance to concentrate on the pain from labour. Infact, I can't actually remember any pain, the techniques must have been so good but I DO remember feeling exhausted because it was a very long labour and I had 7 hours sleep in three days.
I personally don't find the "yes, you will have your natural birth or your VBAC or whatever if you really want it" very helpful. Willpower is one part of labour but it's not the whole part. For me, it was the length of the labour that was the killer and I opted for an epidural because I'd really had enough and wanted a rest.
I don't feel bad about that because what she said really struck a chord with me. I really did try my best with all the techniques she'd recommended and I am IMMENSELY proud of my labour.
I really think the best way to cope with fear is to confront it head-on and arm yourself with lots of tools and techniques that will be helpful.
If they're not enough, that's OK, but you will know that you did your best and that way, you can't have any regrets.
Tan, I've been thinking about what you posted for a little bit now, and I think I know why I don't have any fears of my scar rupturing or anything. Its because we have the same risk factor of rupture as first time mums do that get induced - and that happens every day.. and you NEVER hear anything about something going wrong, people are going in asking to be induced - do you think they are warned about the risks as much as we are?!!!? No way jose!!!!
I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure this will be successful - without a rupture - by NOT having an epidural, so if I start feeling pain, at least I will be able to warn the middies and something can be done about it in time IYKWIM? And I'll agree to monitoring, but not continuous... and then I will know that I have done everything in my power to prevent it.
I so wish you lived up here and you could see my OB.. I think she gives me a lot of motivation and gets rid of my fears...
Also, I'm of the strong opinion that if anything was going to happen to me, my bub, uterus, whatever, it would still happen if I had a c-section, because (and you may not agree) I don't think you can run away from fate, whatever happens would have happened anyway...
I'm probably just rambling and not helping at all!!!!
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(apart from all the books I read & all the ante-natal classes I attended)
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