Yep, the book you're talking about is by Juju Sundin and I used that for two and a half days out of my three-day labour.

I think it's one thing to think "mind over matter" but really we need practical ways to manage the labour and pain.

I found the book wonderful.

She says that you can never be disappointed with your birth if you know that you've tried your best and if you've used the techniques that she recommends, then you really will know that you've done everything possible.

The techniques that she recommends are very practical and they work brilliantly. For most of my labour (with a posterior baby), I said "aaaaaaaah" very loudly and then banged stress balls together. The theory is that your body can only concentrate on one thing at a time so if you distract your brain, it won't have chance to concentrate on the pain from labour. Infact, I can't actually remember any pain, the techniques must have been so good but I DO remember feeling exhausted because it was a very long labour and I had 7 hours sleep in three days.

I personally don't find the "yes, you will have your natural birth or your VBAC or whatever if you really want it" very helpful. Willpower is one part of labour but it's not the whole part. For me, it was the length of the labour that was the killer and I opted for an epidural because I'd really had enough and wanted a rest.

I don't feel bad about that because what she said really struck a chord with me. I really did try my best with all the techniques she'd recommended and I am IMMENSELY proud of my labour.

I really think the best way to cope with fear is to confront it head-on and arm yourself with lots of tools and techniques that will be helpful.

If they're not enough, that's OK, but you will know that you did your best and that way, you can't have any regrets.