How impt was it that your partner could stay with you after birth?

[~Hestia~]

It wasn't important to me but I think if I felt strongly about it, I would pay the extra $$$ if it meant I could have that

[Janie]

It was super super important to both of us, both times. DS1 was in SCN, but only for 24 hours, and then in with us for the next 4 days. I can't imagine that special time without DH sharing it. I also had a broken foot, so it was helpful to have him there to help look after me and DS.

DS2 was in SCN for a month, and I can't imagine not having my baby OR DH with me while recovering (I had a c/s this time). Having DH there really lightened the (emotional) load, and he was so supportive of all my expressing efforts etc. It was tough, because it meant DS1 spent a week with my mum while we were in hossy, but I think it was really important for us as a family. And DS1 coped fine .

HTHs

[berrme]

I was in a private room at a private hospital. DH didn't stay either time, I didn't think it was that important that he slept there, just that he was there during the day when bub and I were awake more. With DS1 he was there most of the time during visiting hours, just sitting and gazing at his son. With DS2 he was hardly there at all as he had to be home looking after DS1. It can be a bit boring when bub is asleep the whole time, but on the other hand you get lots of time alone with bub before you have to share them with anyone else.

[thepixie]

It really depends on the hospital. The public hospital where I had DD, I could have been admitted as a private patient without an OB, and I could use my PHI to have a private room and the Bear could have stayed if we had realised that we had to ask earlier and asked (I didn't go up to the ward until around 11.30pm which was too late to organise it. This time, I don't think any of those are options, just because it is a different hospital with different policies. So ask and then you can make your plans from there. You might be surprised.
I didn't feel it was that important at the time because I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep. I also didn't realise how close we came to losing her. The Bear did, as he was with her the whole time, and for him going home alone was really hard, after watching me give birth to her, and then her nearly dying and ending up in SCN.

[*TripleJ*]

with DS i was in a shared room with no other ppl i think it might have been the same as previous posters where they fill the private rooms first and one person in each shared room till they are full DH stayed for the first night coz i was in the family birth centre with a double bed and my parents stayed as long as they could i only spent my last night actually in the ward lol

with DD small hospital and all the rooms were private DH would have stayed but he wanted to go home to DS but he was with me all day they didnt really enforce visiting hours unless i wanted them to

[Miss E]

For us it was one of the key factors in deciding to go private... After having an emergency CS I was really glad we did because DS was able to spend his first night sleeping on my chest because DH was there to look after him while I was bed ridden. I have a friend who had a similar birth in a public hospital and her little girl got put in the nursery the first night because she was bed ridden and her DH couldn't stay with them.

For us it was really important to be able to spend pretty much every minute of those first few days together as a family and for DH and I to learn about this parenting business together. In some ways I think it was really good for DH that I was bed ridden that first night because he was it and he got to do everything. If I had of been physically up to it I'm sure I would of taken over iykwim? But because he was 'in charge' he was able to build his confidence in handling DS very fast. Anyway I'm rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it is really valuable for the dads to be there 24/7 those first few days, I have some friends whose partners don't have to much confidence with their little ones because mum has always 'appeared' to know best iykwim? I personally do think a lot is set in those first few days...

But all that said, next time around I don't think we will be able to justify the price tag, especially because we have DS which means that DH probably won't be able to stay anymore than one night.

HTH

[Miss E]

Sorry, I meant to add that I also thought I would want to get out of there asap, not sure if it would've been different if I had of had a natural birth, but I found the midwives really helpful and enjoyed being in hospital. They left us to take care of DS and it was nice to have someone there to alleviate our silly concerns in those first few days. Also, I was really glad to still be in hospital when DS became jaundiced on day 3, I'm not sure how I would've coped with that at home.

[sloane]

i went public (at MMC) and i ended up in a room by myself - they were doing renovations & i got lucky & was put in a family birthing room that was up on the ward. i was very happy because i'm not a big one for sharing personal space. i don't think they offered for DP to stay & i'll be honest - i was absolutely gutted when he left. i had DS at about 5.30 & DP stayed until about 11pm that night. the next afternoon i started asking when i could go home & they were happy for me to go the next morning. they thought i might be lonely & offered to see if they could get me in a shared room but i declined

the only thing with going home relatively quickly was that i didn't realise i should take it easy (i felt fine) & i think if i'd stayed in hospital it would have forced me to take the rest i needed. but now i know better & will probably just be bossier & delegate more next time round

[LionsandBears]

JM - I suspect we will be considered 'high risk' simply because our baby died. It has nothing to do with the pregnancy or birth. As my DH delicately put it, I could birth in a tree Assuming I'm not pumped full of adrenalin and there's no medical issues, I expect to have another natural, drug free birth. I expect pregnancy to be a complete cow, but that's because I still have SPD from the last one. But, whatever. If it wasn't for Leo dying we'd be low risk. Nevermind that he died from a genetic disorder. However, from a mental health/peace of mind thingy, we'll most likely be high risk. Then again, I imagine the paeditricians will want to triple check the new baby is fine.

Heather - we'll have our IM wherever we go. If it's public, she has a bit more influence on our behalf. It may be possible to have shared care with her and RWH. If it's private, she has less power to look after us. She has to be careful not to step on toes.
She'll be there for the birth but she has to go home sometime. We were lucky with most of the mw we had last time, but it always depends on who's on shift and what the hospital policy is. She'll also be our LC.

sloane - WRT running around once home. I'm likely to just want to stay home in bed with bub for a week. We figure parents etc can meet bub but we'll then let visitors in at home on a trickle until we feel a bit more confident. Then again, I might call everyone around to come see our living, healthy baby.

Everything changes again if we end up with a c/s. It's almost as though if we have a VB, we'd be OK going public, hoping for a private room and checking out ASAP. If we ended up with a c/s then the comfort of a private hospital, single room, better food etc would be a benefit.

It's starting to do my head in. But this is helping me work through it, so thanks so much for all your input.

[fionas]

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

[LionsandBears]

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

So true. I spent $3K on various therapies last year. Or we could put it towards the education fund.

I think I'll have to find out more about the private room/Dh staying over option at RWH. It just seems to be the luck of the draw. I don't suppose I could transfer to stay at FPH afterwards?

[OceanPrincess]

Tash - I know you can use PHI to get a private room at the Mercy for Women in Heidelberg - is the Mercy an option?

Even if you weren't considered "high risk" because of Leo, I just have to second what some of the PPs said about the hotel option - there are more criteria that you have to meet, not just low risk - you have to be on your way to establishing good BF (or FF, whichever you choose), baby has to be above a certain weight, some other things. Even if your Ob clears you for transfer, the hospital may not, based on their criteria, and also as someone said there might not be any room.

Also I know at the Mercy through the standard public system, they do have some partner rooms available but it really is luck of the draw. Some how my sister lucked one both times and BIL stayed but a lot of other people I know missed out. I assume it'd be similar at RWH.

Something else to consider - if you do end up needing a c/s, DH may not be able to stay even if you are private. Someone correct me if I'm wrong... but I seem to recall something about the mum needing to be in a single bed that can be levered up/down and also whisked off to theatre in case anything happens? Something like that? So would partners still be able to stay, even private? Someone will know the answer to that...

[PollyA]

Tash
With DD it was important to me that DH stay and we had planned to be in the Birth Centre but ended up on labour ward due to induction 24 hours after my waters breaking. I was pretty keen to go ASAP and I got a private room, DH got a trundle bed. After a 14 hour labour, 3 hours of pushing my wonky big headed beautiful girl out, I was buggered, DH had DD sleep on his chest and it meant so much to me that he was there, I could sleep soundly and SO much for him to bond in that way. We escaped about midday after a 9:35pm birth.
DS was a planned homebirth with a 9cm transfer (so unexpected I didn't even have a bag packed), DD started vomiting so DH needed to be with her and he wouldn't have officially been allowed to stay, but there is many hospital employees who will have visual defects and not notice Dad still there at midnight. I once again got a private room, before he went home our plan was he would stay in the chair and look after bub so I could sleep knowing he was in good hands, our hands.
I ended up bringing him into my bed (the cages look so wrong) against hospital advice and texting DH all night about how amazing he was. I missed DH a lot and was only comforted by the fact that DD needed him. I can't imagine any other reason it would be "ok" for him not to be there with me and our baby. And it was ok but not ideal. I missed them terribly.

I think it is important but I think you'll be able to make it happen somehow.
Or try and encourage baby to be an early morning arrival and spend the first night at home
I don't have PHI but would consider transfer to private and pay upfront AFTER the birth if there was a reason to be in hospital. I think public is the way to go for the actual giving birth bit.
I hope that helps