How impt was it that your partner could stay with you after birth?

[sloane]

i went public (at MMC) and i ended up in a room by myself - they were doing renovations & i got lucky & was put in a family birthing room that was up on the ward. i was very happy because i'm not a big one for sharing personal space. i don't think they offered for DP to stay & i'll be honest - i was absolutely gutted when he left. i had DS at about 5.30 & DP stayed until about 11pm that night. the next afternoon i started asking when i could go home & they were happy for me to go the next morning. they thought i might be lonely & offered to see if they could get me in a shared room but i declined

the only thing with going home relatively quickly was that i didn't realise i should take it easy (i felt fine) & i think if i'd stayed in hospital it would have forced me to take the rest i needed. but now i know better & will probably just be bossier & delegate more next time round

[LionsandBears]

JM - I suspect we will be considered 'high risk' simply because our baby died. It has nothing to do with the pregnancy or birth. As my DH delicately put it, I could birth in a tree Assuming I'm not pumped full of adrenalin and there's no medical issues, I expect to have another natural, drug free birth. I expect pregnancy to be a complete cow, but that's because I still have SPD from the last one. But, whatever. If it wasn't for Leo dying we'd be low risk. Nevermind that he died from a genetic disorder. However, from a mental health/peace of mind thingy, we'll most likely be high risk. Then again, I imagine the paeditricians will want to triple check the new baby is fine.

Heather - we'll have our IM wherever we go. If it's public, she has a bit more influence on our behalf. It may be possible to have shared care with her and RWH. If it's private, she has less power to look after us. She has to be careful not to step on toes.
She'll be there for the birth but she has to go home sometime. We were lucky with most of the mw we had last time, but it always depends on who's on shift and what the hospital policy is. She'll also be our LC.

sloane - WRT running around once home. I'm likely to just want to stay home in bed with bub for a week. We figure parents etc can meet bub but we'll then let visitors in at home on a trickle until we feel a bit more confident. Then again, I might call everyone around to come see our living, healthy baby.

Everything changes again if we end up with a c/s. It's almost as though if we have a VB, we'd be OK going public, hoping for a private room and checking out ASAP. If we ended up with a c/s then the comfort of a private hospital, single room, better food etc would be a benefit.

It's starting to do my head in. But this is helping me work through it, so thanks so much for all your input.

[fionas]

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

[LionsandBears]

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

So true. I spent $3K on various therapies last year. Or we could put it towards the education fund.

I think I'll have to find out more about the private room/Dh staying over option at RWH. It just seems to be the luck of the draw. I don't suppose I could transfer to stay at FPH afterwards?

[OceanPrincess]

Tash - I know you can use PHI to get a private room at the Mercy for Women in Heidelberg - is the Mercy an option?

Even if you weren't considered "high risk" because of Leo, I just have to second what some of the PPs said about the hotel option - there are more criteria that you have to meet, not just low risk - you have to be on your way to establishing good BF (or FF, whichever you choose), baby has to be above a certain weight, some other things. Even if your Ob clears you for transfer, the hospital may not, based on their criteria, and also as someone said there might not be any room.

Also I know at the Mercy through the standard public system, they do have some partner rooms available but it really is luck of the draw. Some how my sister lucked one both times and BIL stayed but a lot of other people I know missed out. I assume it'd be similar at RWH.

Something else to consider - if you do end up needing a c/s, DH may not be able to stay even if you are private. Someone correct me if I'm wrong... but I seem to recall something about the mum needing to be in a single bed that can be levered up/down and also whisked off to theatre in case anything happens? Something like that? So would partners still be able to stay, even private? Someone will know the answer to that...

[Janie]

The answer to that OP, at least at Frances Perry House where I had my boys (and had a c/s for DS2), is that they have a pull out bed for DH to sleep on. After 2 nights we were transferred to a bigger room with a double bed (which still went up and down like a single hospital bed). I don't know about public, but I certainly know a few people who have had caesars in private hospitals and have had their partner stay.

[Spring Angel]

Hun, I went through the same dilema. I had my son who was stillborn in a private hospital. Dh stayed and we checked out the following day. DS two was born in a public hossy but I stayed in a private room with phi because it was really important to me that DH could stay. dH stayed the whole time I was there. DS3 in a public hossy, dh went home because ds2 needed him. I was in a shared room but ds3 was in scu for the first room so I really didn't care.

Tbh in terms of support, the public hossy and a public patient was the best care.

Spring xx

[*Beema*]

DH didn't stay with me with either of the girls, things didn't go to paln with DD1, arriving 7 weeks early no warning, I ended up in a public hospital in a private room, by the time we got to the room it was well after 2 am, after having her at 10:30pm, I was exhausted, and so was he, we hadn't eaten dinner that night and DD1 was in SCBU3 so there wasn't any need for him to stay, the hospital didn't "kick him out" I said just, after he left I couldn't sleep anyway, thanks to a very loud ticking clock and the PN ward bell being right outside my room. If things had gone to "plan" and we made it to term and our private hospital DH was going to stay....

With DD2 we never planned for him to stay, I wanted him home with DD1, we were trying to keep her days as "normal" as possible, and DH worked for a few days while I was in hospital so that we could get the most out of his leave when I was out and DD1 was booked into care anyway. DD2 was a SCN bub as well, but they did end up bringing her and the isolette into my room and hooked up the O2 there, and in hindsight it would have been good to have the extra help.....

I have to say that I didn't really like a lot fo things about the private room in the public hospital, I was in a crappy spot, aside from the bell right next to lounge where everyone takes their babies to "show off", had to walk down and get a pump for every feed - no one told me I could express in SCBU I was so far from the nursery and was never going to have DD1 with me. But when we transferred out to our private hospital, I bordered with her, she was in the room with me rather than in the nursery, and I had MW on call, if I ever rang they were there pretty darn quickly especially the first few days after transfer. Where as if we had stayed at the public hospital she would not have been released to my room....

I had a much better connection with the MW's in the private hospital, it was a LOT smaller than the public so a lot more personal.

Take care hun and I hope you find the right place for you xxoo

[LionsandBears]

Hun, I went through the same dilema. I had my son who was stillborn in a private hospital. Dh stayed and we checked out the following day. DS two was born in a public hossy but I stayed in a private room with phi because it was really important to me that DH could stay. dH stayed the whole time I was there. DS3 in a public hossy, dh went home because ds2 needed him. I was in a shared room but ds3 was in scu for the first room so I really didn't care.

Tbh in terms of support, the public hossy and a public patient was the best care.

Spring xx

Thanks Spring. It's good to hear the perspective of another babyloss mama. those first hours are going to be so important. I really don't want DH to have to go home.

[Taurean]

Something else to consider - if you do end up needing a c/s, DH may not be able to stay even if you are private. Someone correct me if I'm wrong... but I seem to recall something about the mum needing to be in a single bed that can be levered up/down and also whisked off to theatre in case anything happens? Something like that? So would partners still be able to stay, even private? Someone will know the answer to that...

in private hospitals in Perth your DH is given a rollaway on the floor if you have a single bed (c/s or not)

[Miss E]

Something else to consider - if you do end up needing a c/s, DH may not be able to stay even if you are private. Someone correct me if I'm wrong... but I seem to recall something about the mum needing to be in a single bed that can be levered up/down and also whisked off to theatre in case anything happens? Something like that? So would partners still be able to stay, even private? Someone will know the answer to that...

I had DS at Masada and their double beds were just like the single beds in that they could be hoisted, sat up etc. It was never an issue there, DH slept with me in the double bed every night, including the first night (and my CS had been done at 8pm that evening). I guess it's something to ask the hossy, I'm pretty sure that Cabrin, St vincentsi and freemasons also let your partner sleep with you after a CS.

[PollyA]

Tash
With DD it was important to me that DH stay and we had planned to be in the Birth Centre but ended up on labour ward due to induction 24 hours after my waters breaking. I was pretty keen to go ASAP and I got a private room, DH got a trundle bed. After a 14 hour labour, 3 hours of pushing my wonky big headed beautiful girl out, I was buggered, DH had DD sleep on his chest and it meant so much to me that he was there, I could sleep soundly and SO much for him to bond in that way. We escaped about midday after a 9:35pm birth.
DS was a planned homebirth with a 9cm transfer (so unexpected I didn't even have a bag packed), DD started vomiting so DH needed to be with her and he wouldn't have officially been allowed to stay, but there is many hospital employees who will have visual defects and not notice Dad still there at midnight. I once again got a private room, before he went home our plan was he would stay in the chair and look after bub so I could sleep knowing he was in good hands, our hands.
I ended up bringing him into my bed (the cages look so wrong) against hospital advice and texting DH all night about how amazing he was. I missed DH a lot and was only comforted by the fact that DD needed him. I can't imagine any other reason it would be "ok" for him not to be there with me and our baby. And it was ok but not ideal. I missed them terribly.

I think it is important but I think you'll be able to make it happen somehow.
Or try and encourage baby to be an early morning arrival and spend the first night at home
I don't have PHI but would consider transfer to private and pay upfront AFTER the birth if there was a reason to be in hospital. I think public is the way to go for the actual giving birth bit.
I hope that helps