How impt was it that your partner could stay with you after birth?

[Janie]

It was super super important to both of us, both times. DS1 was in SCN, but only for 24 hours, and then in with us for the next 4 days. I can't imagine that special time without DH sharing it. I also had a broken foot, so it was helpful to have him there to help look after me and DS.

DS2 was in SCN for a month, and I can't imagine not having my baby OR DH with me while recovering (I had a c/s this time). Having DH there really lightened the (emotional) load, and he was so supportive of all my expressing efforts etc. It was tough, because it meant DS1 spent a week with my mum while we were in hossy, but I think it was really important for us as a family. And DS1 coped fine .

HTHs

[LionsandBears]

It wasn't important at all to me. I went public and got a private room. The option was there for DH to stay, but we decided for him to leave. DD was born 5:20 pm. I was admitted to the ward about 8:30. Mum left then, and DH left about an hour later. Baby and I slept all night and he was back at about 6:30am. I was offered 10am discharge and if I knew then what I know now, I'd have taken it. Home is so much more restful than hospital.

That doesn't seem so bad.

Do you have to use PHI for a private room or so they just allocate according to what's available?

I'm wondering if I'm also being seduced by the idea of being transferred to a lovely hotel.... but I'm still not sure it's worth the 000s for that. I'd still just rather go home. We have the comfiest mattress in the world

Thanks for everyone's input. It's an interesting dilemma for a woman who'd rather just birth at home.

[~me~]

I had the option of going to the Hotel. I didn't want to. I was happy where I was and just could not be bothered packing up and moving for a two nights and then have to do it all again to come home.
This was the same for all three.

For DD, I had her late in the afternoon and didn't get to a ward room until 11pm. I was so exhausted as was DH that it was best for him to go home and get a good nights rest so he could come back fresh in the morning.

If you went public, you could have baby in the afternoon and by home by 10am the next day. A GF of mine went to William Angliss, started in the Birth Suite had to be transferred to the Hospital Birth Unit, had baby that night and was home for breakfast the next morning.

[berrme]

I was in a private room at a private hospital. DH didn't stay either time, I didn't think it was that important that he slept there, just that he was there during the day when bub and I were awake more. With DS1 he was there most of the time during visiting hours, just sitting and gazing at his son. With DS2 he was hardly there at all as he had to be home looking after DS1. It can be a bit boring when bub is asleep the whole time, but on the other hand you get lots of time alone with bub before you have to share them with anyone else.

[fionas]

I agree. I was really into the whole idea of going to a hotel first time around. It was offered and like a PP, I knocked it back. Could NOT be arsed packing everything up.

Really, just get home as quick as you can. Private hosptials are great for the private room factor but they are nowhere near restful. You have people in and out ALL morning - ob, paed, midwives (multiple times), catering person (multiple times), newspaper person.

Seriously, I've been bloody exhausted both times between DDs waking up during the night and not being able to sleep during the day. And that was despite the fact I banned visitors.

[LionsandBears]

Really, just get home as quick as you can. Private hosptials are great for the private room factor but they are nowhere near restful. You have people in and out ALL morning - ob, paed, midwives (multiple times), catering person (multiple times), newspaper person.

Seriously, I've been bloody exhausted both times between DDs waking up during the night and not being able to sleep during the day. And that was despite the fact I banned visitors.

This is one of the things I'm afraid of. I LOATHE strangers in my personal space, especially at such an important time. I think I've also read too many stories about bullying, insensitive midwives....

If I knew I was OK, I'd be fine discharging from the birth suite (We did that last time, but it was exceptional circumstances). Just so long as I can take a living baby home this time. That's all I really want.

[Junglemum]

Tash, would you be considered high risk? They won't let you go to the hotel unless you have a low risk, straightforward birth. And you only get to go if the Hossy is full and rooms are available at the hotel.

Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it and hope to go again, but it's not as accessible as they make out.

[~me~]

Then use the Public Hospital system as your security. Take a Doula with you that will help you with a possible insensitive, bossy MW. They also arrange for a MW to come to your home to check on any stitches you may have or BF questions.
That way you can go straight home form the Birth Suite.

[Janie]

I must be a freak (or really lucky), I really enjoyed the stay, both times. With DS2 I felt even less inclined to leave the hospital, but I guess that's a given when you can't take your baby with you.

Tash, your ultimate desire is so natural and understandable, but that doesn't mean that you can't do whatever it takes to help ensure that your hospital stay (however long) goes well. Good on you.

[thepixie]

It really depends on the hospital. The public hospital where I had DD, I could have been admitted as a private patient without an OB, and I could use my PHI to have a private room and the Bear could have stayed if we had realised that we had to ask earlier and asked (I didn't go up to the ward until around 11.30pm which was too late to organise it. This time, I don't think any of those are options, just because it is a different hospital with different policies. So ask and then you can make your plans from there. You might be surprised.
I didn't feel it was that important at the time because I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep. I also didn't realise how close we came to losing her. The Bear did, as he was with her the whole time, and for him going home alone was really hard, after watching me give birth to her, and then her nearly dying and ending up in SCN.

[*TripleJ*]

with DS i was in a shared room with no other ppl i think it might have been the same as previous posters where they fill the private rooms first and one person in each shared room till they are full DH stayed for the first night coz i was in the family birth centre with a double bed and my parents stayed as long as they could i only spent my last night actually in the ward lol

with DD small hospital and all the rooms were private DH would have stayed but he wanted to go home to DS but he was with me all day they didnt really enforce visiting hours unless i wanted them to

[fionas]

This is one of the things I'm afraid of. I LOATHE strangers in my personal space, especially at such an important time. I think I've also read too many stories about bullying, insensitive midwives....

tashy, I'm VERY protective of my personal space. I've been known to leave the table at a dinner party and go into another room for half an hour so I can be on my own. I refuse to share a room on girls weekends away with people I've known for nearly 20 years because I just like to be on my own ... so I hear you.

Having said that, it's hard to predict how you're going to be in a hospital. It's a different kettle of fish. All the people coming in are coming in to look after you in some way and hey, it's always nice to be the centre of attention. When I'm not in my anti-social freak mode, I'm in full-on chatterbox mode so I kind of liked having people pop in, in short doses - but it did mean I didn't rest but you're left relatively alone in the arvos from memory. That's one of the reasons I banned visitors - I average 2-3 hours sleep per night in hospital and really need some time during the day to catch up a bit.

No-one can guarantee you perfect midwives - usually there are good and bad in most hospitals but the hospital I recommended to you did seem to have really lovely ones except for a couple of contract ones on the night shift. And even they weren't even that bad just not the angels they had on the day shift.

[Miss E]

For us it was one of the key factors in deciding to go private... After having an emergency CS I was really glad we did because DS was able to spend his first night sleeping on my chest because DH was there to look after him while I was bed ridden. I have a friend who had a similar birth in a public hospital and her little girl got put in the nursery the first night because she was bed ridden and her DH couldn't stay with them.

For us it was really important to be able to spend pretty much every minute of those first few days together as a family and for DH and I to learn about this parenting business together. In some ways I think it was really good for DH that I was bed ridden that first night because he was it and he got to do everything. If I had of been physically up to it I'm sure I would of taken over iykwim? But because he was 'in charge' he was able to build his confidence in handling DS very fast. Anyway I'm rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it is really valuable for the dads to be there 24/7 those first few days, I have some friends whose partners don't have to much confidence with their little ones because mum has always 'appeared' to know best iykwim? I personally do think a lot is set in those first few days...

But all that said, next time around I don't think we will be able to justify the price tag, especially because we have DS which means that DH probably won't be able to stay anymore than one night.

HTH

[Miss E]

Sorry, I meant to add that I also thought I would want to get out of there asap, not sure if it would've been different if I had of had a natural birth, but I found the midwives really helpful and enjoyed being in hospital. They left us to take care of DS and it was nice to have someone there to alleviate our silly concerns in those first few days. Also, I was really glad to still be in hospital when DS became jaundiced on day 3, I'm not sure how I would've coped with that at home.

[sloane]

i went public (at MMC) and i ended up in a room by myself - they were doing renovations & i got lucky & was put in a family birthing room that was up on the ward. i was very happy because i'm not a big one for sharing personal space. i don't think they offered for DP to stay & i'll be honest - i was absolutely gutted when he left. i had DS at about 5.30 & DP stayed until about 11pm that night. the next afternoon i started asking when i could go home & they were happy for me to go the next morning. they thought i might be lonely & offered to see if they could get me in a shared room but i declined

the only thing with going home relatively quickly was that i didn't realise i should take it easy (i felt fine) & i think if i'd stayed in hospital it would have forced me to take the rest i needed. but now i know better & will probably just be bossier & delegate more next time round

[LionsandBears]

JM - I suspect we will be considered 'high risk' simply because our baby died. It has nothing to do with the pregnancy or birth. As my DH delicately put it, I could birth in a tree Assuming I'm not pumped full of adrenalin and there's no medical issues, I expect to have another natural, drug free birth. I expect pregnancy to be a complete cow, but that's because I still have SPD from the last one. But, whatever. If it wasn't for Leo dying we'd be low risk. Nevermind that he died from a genetic disorder. However, from a mental health/peace of mind thingy, we'll most likely be high risk. Then again, I imagine the paeditricians will want to triple check the new baby is fine.

Heather - we'll have our IM wherever we go. If it's public, she has a bit more influence on our behalf. It may be possible to have shared care with her and RWH. If it's private, she has less power to look after us. She has to be careful not to step on toes.
She'll be there for the birth but she has to go home sometime. We were lucky with most of the mw we had last time, but it always depends on who's on shift and what the hospital policy is. She'll also be our LC.

sloane - WRT running around once home. I'm likely to just want to stay home in bed with bub for a week. We figure parents etc can meet bub but we'll then let visitors in at home on a trickle until we feel a bit more confident. Then again, I might call everyone around to come see our living, healthy baby.

Everything changes again if we end up with a c/s. It's almost as though if we have a VB, we'd be OK going public, hoping for a private room and checking out ASAP. If we ended up with a c/s then the comfort of a private hospital, single room, better food etc would be a benefit.

It's starting to do my head in. But this is helping me work through it, so thanks so much for all your input.

[fionas]

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

[LionsandBears]

tashy - this is another way of looking at it. The money you'll save by going public can be spent on physio if you have lingering SPD issues.

So true. I spent $3K on various therapies last year. Or we could put it towards the education fund.

I think I'll have to find out more about the private room/Dh staying over option at RWH. It just seems to be the luck of the draw. I don't suppose I could transfer to stay at FPH afterwards?