Maybe it's time I do a birth debrief for my DS, but I'm worried it will make my mental state worse.
I don't like midwives. I am classed as high risk this pregnancy, but I have cancelled nearly every hospital appointment, including one I was supposed to have this morning, despite being 36 weeks with high BP.
This comes from a negative experience in a very incompetent place when I was both pregnant and birthing DS. I never have met anyone that had a positive experience in that hospital, and it was all due to the culture of the midwives there. It was a culture of laziness and negligence. People did try and sue over different things, mabye that changed them later on.
Now I find I don't trust midwives at all. When they have occaisonally taken my BP, I'll think they are fobbing the numbers as that's what happened before. I won't believe anything they say to me...yet here I am going to give birth very soon in a birthing centre! I've gotten around seeing them so far by only seeing my GP and refusing instructions most of the time to go in to hospital. I've winged it so far this pregnancy, I don't know how really.
I desperately want a natural/vaginal birth like I did with my other kids, just because it's DP's first baby and I want him to experience it all nicely, so I booked into a birthing centre. With DD I wouldn't allow any of the midwives near me until I needed to push and when I needed an ARM, I asked them to stay out of the room. I can't do that this time.
I'm actually really afraid that when the time comes, I will be in so much denial about the hospital that I won't go in and that I will deliver my baby at home. I find that my physical state can be controlled by my mental state, that I can feel much better, even though the same problems exist. So I'm actually worried about being in labour but denying it's happening. That's the extent of how I'm feeling right now. I actualy feel my baby and I are in danger going to the hospital because with DS it really was a danger as babies got sick when he was there and many pregnant ladies were neglected and put in dangerous conditions. We were safer at home.
Has anyone felt like this and had a healing experience? I know I haven't given this place or the midwives a chance, I'm afraid I've left it too late.
I find a really big difference between hospital midwives, and the private midwife I have hired for our homebirth. While I haven't had negative experiences, the hospital midwives I have seen, especially when it comes to this birth which is a vbac, they are alot more into procedures and protocol, fair enough I guess they have to follow hospy rules. But my private midwife is so relaxed, and wonderful.
Maybe if you are thinking you won't go to the birth centre when the time comes, you should look into having a homebirth and look around for a private midwife??? They really are alot more into what you want from the birth as they don't have ridiculous protocols to stick by. I don't know anything about your high risk condition, but depending on what is, homebirth is not unsafe the way some people like to think of it. In some ways it is far safer than a hospital.
I feel the same way about obs as you do midwives, I don't believe a word they say!!
You definitely need to give birth with someone you trust, I think. Can you go in to the birth centre and sit down and have a talk with the midwives? Maybe request one in particular, after meeting them? (Or maybe there are some girls here on BB who have birthed at that centre, and can recommend someone?) A private midwife and a home birth sounds great to me - I am planning a home birth myself, but that is funded by our provincial health insurance here. Otherwise, maybe you can look into having a doula, and she will advocate for you in labour, and help you through the pain. The only thing you should have to worry about in labour is getting that baby out!
You're right - sometimes the hospital doesn't give the best care, and women and babies suffer for it. But you also need to have good prenatal care now, for the health of yourself and your baby. You need to have your BP monitored, and your baby checked on. Can you keep seeing your GP for that, at least for now? (oh and around here, you can have your BP checked at the local pharmacy/chemist. So you can compare numbers, if you are really concerned that they're not telling you the truth. Also, the hospitals here use a digital BP machine, which can print out the information - BP, heart rate, and temperature. If your birth centre has that, you can ask to see the paper.)
I'd say it's not too late to find someone you trust - talk to the girls here from your area and get a recommendation! And as I said, maybe some have birthed at that birth centre - you might be all set for a great experience already! All the best!
Tara, I havent experienced anything like this (in fact the Dr's Ive seen are terrible), but you really shouldnt have to be feeling like this, your care providers should make you feel relaxed and confident that they will look after you and your bub. Anyway I agree that its not too late to get a private midwife you click with and plan a homebirth. Another thought - could you hire a doula to act as a go between for you so you dont have to deal with them directly??? I think its worth investigating if you are thinking along the path of having bub at home anyway. Big to you - hope you can work something out.
Last edited by Beach Mama; April 26th, 2007 at 10:56 AM.
: Spelling and forgot something!
I should clarify, I'm not sure if I made it clear - the hospital I'm giving birth in this time around is not the same hospital as before, in fact I live in a different state now. The birthing centre is attached to the hospital, you get the choice to birth there or birth in the delivery suite which is more for intervention or high risk births.
My problem is PE is hanging around and I had it so bad with my first that I got HELLP syndrome (only something I've recently found out) so I'm supposed to be under constant monitoring this pregnancy as I have had early signs of this happening again. I'm supposed to attend the hospital once a week, but I have been seeing my GP instead as I feel I can sort of trust him.
A home birth would be ideal except for that and post partum haemmorrage I had with my first pregnancy (probalby due to medical neglect though) and also the big problem is that we are over an hour from the hospital and if an emergency was to arise, it's too far. Plus DP told me he refuses to be involved if I went that way as he's really scared of something going wrong. I really wanted to go to a different birthing centre which isn't on the hospital grounds, but DP was adamantly agaisn't that and it has shown since that I woulnd't have been allowed anyway due to complications. DP is a lovely caring man that is sensitive to my needs, but he's scared of losing one or both of us...he's already being very forceful about me just getting a c-section because he's so scared of the natural birth thing as I have been told I will have a big baby.
I do have no choice but the hospital, but I was going to make myself go there and face the midwives to get over myself a bit. But I kept putting it off, I haven't even gone there for a tour. I just want nothing to do with the place. It's a well known hospital and I have never heard a negative experience from there, they are meant to be one of the best in the state and I'm just being silly.
It's a complex I have, sometimes I think there's something about me that makes midwives treat me badly or something. I was very young with my first two babies and looked even younger, so I wasn't treated very nicely from that alone. Even though so much is different this time around and as much as I thought I was 'over' it, I just find myself here now, only 4 weeks to go, now freaking out about it. It's my fault for not sorting it out sooner, I am getting counselling but I don't find it's helping that side of things.
Thankyou so much for you suggestions, I think I best be re reading some of the birth stories from BB ladies that had babies there, and just basically physcing myself up for it. I've got to see my GP tomorrow and I think I might discuss it with him also again about the anxiety I am feeling over this.
Thankyou for your hugs also, they are much welcome
ETA - Shannon, thankyou for that, we posted at the same time. I will clarify that no one has fobbed numbers here, that has just been my experience at the QLD hospital I had DS and DD in. I was hospitalized with DS for 4 weeks with PE before he was born, and the midwives were so lazy that a few times they didn't check BP, pulse or baby all day and then make up the numbers on the charts for 4 sets of Obs! They would bring our charts back and we would curiously look at them as we didn't have any of the 4 checks that day, and see that numbers had just been put in, false numbers. A lady I was in with nearly lost her baby due to this at 33 weeks as her baby went into distress and obs weren't getting checked. That's how bad it was there. This kind of thing never has happened where I'm going that I've heard of, but my view of midwives after that 4 week stay was really distorted. Thankyou for your advice, I am still going to AN appointments, I'm just not going to the hospital for them like I"m supposed to. I'm lucky I have an understanding GP (though I'm making him impatient about not going in).
Last edited by Aranah; April 26th, 2007 at 12:22 PM.
tara, it sounds like you had a terrible experience at the last hospital. You can contact the maternity coalition about this (they are a consumer advocacy group for maternity services) and they will follow it up on your behalf.
Some of our most supportive members are midwives - Alan, Tiggy and Flowerchild all spring to mind and I truly can't imagine them being so negligent of a patients care. I know there are some horrors out there but overall most midwives are wonderful, caring people and I'm sure that most of them would be horrified to hear about your treatment at your last hospital. You obviously struck a hospital with a dreadful corporate culture and I think that maybe you would benefit from a chance to fully debrief about your expeiences.
I had a homebirth because i was so scared of the hospital so i totally know where you're coming from. I'd been a birth partner at a pretty horrific birth of my SIL and her 1st DD and it put me RIGHT off. Plus i'd always known from being very young that i wanted natural-type birthing etc. and looking at my hosp stats (40% c-sect, 60% of 1st time mums, of the VB's 43% epi, 65% 1st time mums) i was rigid with fear. My BP was high too and i had to have hospital daycare monitoring in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy which was an ORDEAL - at one point i had a midwife doing a relaxation therapy on me to calm me down as my BP was so high (white-coat, it dropped 15 points in 5 minutes of relaxation) they were going to hospitalise me then and there!
My homebirth was great and i had no problems. It's a shame your DP isn't more supportive of that. TBH i'd have kicked XDP's butt if he'd had that attitude. I know it's because he loves you but anxiety and fear can be infectious. There is literally NO reason to believe you won't be able to give birth perfectly fine. There are so many things that can cause post-partum bleeding, it's actually been shown to be very rare when birth is allowed to happen naturally. No delivery is the same as the last, nothing physical indicates a definite stumbling block, and HELLP might not recur. Afterall, you were thought to be showing signs early and here you are with 4 weeks to go still fine... I know it's his first too, maybe he'll realise in time for your next one that his partner's body is capable of exceptional and beautiful miracles I take it your GP can't do your delivery? In the UK they can, though most don't, it's true. Just a thought.
If i were you i'd print out what you wrote in this thread and take it to the birthing centre and ask to see the supervisor of midwives. Let her read it, cry, talk, midwives want to help you and look after you, and if they feel you're closed off (because of your terrible experience) they probably feel at a loss as to how to reach you. Most midwives are loving understanding people and i'm sure your openess about your fear will be met with extra care and attention to helping you have the birth you want.
I really feel for you hon, i remember well that the emotional-vulnerability that can be so tender and beautiful in pregnant women about to birth is NOT conducive to having to face fears or fight your corner.
I don't like midwives
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