Hugs to you Karina.
Your story is so, so common.
But most women come away from a hospital experience like that believing that it was them...that their bodies failed - not their care.
You've been able to see that your caregivers and your environment failed you, not your body...so next time you can make different choices, and hopefully have a much better experience.
Good luck hun.
Hi Tobily. It took me a really long time to accept that. For probably a year, I felt like my body failed me. But then one day I exploded into tears at DH when I was upset about something else. I talked about everything that was bothering me. I didnt realise how it had affected me, but after i let it all out I reaslised it wasnt me, but more likely the care I recieved (or lack of it) that failed me. It didnt help that after Claire was born my husband was telling me "get over it" when I tried to debreif with him.

I think its importnt to have a caregiver that you feel comfortable with and who knows about and respects your wishes, and I think an independant midwife would be able to offer that to me. From what I can gather (from when I spoke to some IM's) they tend to be open to talking about the birth experience afterwards. Not directly after, but a few weeks or whatever after, which I think is a nice thing. I never had the opportunity nor did any midwife or nurse or anyone on the ward ask how I was. They just wanted to know how my bleeding was and if I had gone to the toilet.

And i think it would be lovely to birth a baby in your own home - a special place that has meaning, rather than a clinical hospital environment. I'm planning it already in my mind, lol!