I think some people use tearing and stitches to make the horror story worse and others feel proud of their body for not tearing.
I had an episiotomy with my first and it brokedown and had a very long complicated recovery. This time I had 2nd degree tearing which was pretty messy but healed SOOO much better than the episi.
They were just giving me local for another episi when out came my 4.8kg boys head, so i felt really proud that I didn't need one, but its definitely not something I think you have much control over.

My ultimate labour and birth wish would be to just have a graze but besides labouring in water which I think will help stretching, I think there is a lot of luck and due to scar tissue I will probably always tear.

I think its like bringing on labour when you are overdue, you can try lots of things and ultimately who knows if they worked or it would have happened like that anyway.