Megie- Not selfish or rude at all. It is a really important time for you and your family.
We didn't tell friends about DD's birth until the next day so we could have some rest and bonding time. We told my family that day but asked them not to come in until the next day as we were all exhausted. Fortunately my IL's live a plane flight away so they weren't there for a day or two. They did however outstay their welcome once they were there. I didn't feel comfortable asking them to leave so i had a word to DH and he did. He just said something along the lines of "A is really tired, lets go and let them have a rest" Always better coming from their son than their DIL.
Another excellent thing at the hossy i went to was, that they would never have let 11 people into my room at 9pm. Having a word to the nurses can also be good, because then they become the baddies not you. If the nurses knew i was tired and people were hanging around, they would pop in and say, "ok, rest time, time for visitors to go." It was great.
It's all about you and your family, not the visitors, i think it is entirely reasonable to restrict visitors.
We too had endless amounts of visitors after Nina was born. But when Emily was born, they wanted us to all bond as a family, and for Nina to get used to having a baby sister, so every one kept their distance. It was great. Maybe just let them know them know that you want J to have some bonding time with you, hubby and the baby before visitors come. They shouldn't be offended with that.
we let everyone come and visit while we were in hospital, and than when we got home we had a 2wk ban from any visitors, if we wanted to see ppl than we went to go see them, however we didnt we stayed at home for the 2wks trying get use to everything and spent some quality time alone with our new bubba getting to know her!
we also took the phone off the hook when we didnt want calls!
Everyone was fine with that!
Hun when i had Millana i made it known to everyone they were not to come in til they were gieven the ok.. told them it could be a couple of hrs or even a day or two til i was ready..
one rule i made sure people knew was that NO ONE was to meet Millana before she had been introduced to Teleah and Annika. I felt it was so important that they got to meet there new sister first.
so its def not rude so say look, no visitors till i ask.. def speak to the nurses on at the hospital.. i ended having to DOB on my roommates family because there was like 12 or so at a time!! and that was during rest hrs when there wasnt meant to be any visitors.... they werent please but who cares.. the midwifes gave them all a good talking to about respect for other patients LOL so they will back you up 100%..
We actually had a big discussion about this very topic in one of our antenatal classes. I know I haven't actually had my first yet but based on the discussion in the class, I'm going to be very careful about visitors.
The MW said exactly what some of the PPs have said - that the MWs/nurses can be your watch dogs and they are more than happy to kick people out/restrict visitors. Their care is for you, bubs and DH, not the visitors. So if you want quiet time, you can tell the MWs not to let any visitors in. The MWs tell your visitors "X had a really bad night last night and is resting, please come back in an hour/a day/whatever". They don't care who they offend!
I think it can be such an exciting time for everyone, people forget how stressful it can be for mums and bubs.
Also, with regards to home, if people ring and ask to visit, be honest if you don't want them to come around. Or say something like "Sure you can pop around, but we don't have any milk or food in the house, can you please pick up some lunch/afternoon tea?" Or when they get there, ask them to help - ask them to make teas and coffees or lunch or whatever, or ask if they'd mind throwing on a load of washing or giving the kitchen a clean.
Families especially should be there to help - not sponge off you and expect you to be running around after them when you have just given birth!
I don't think it is rude at all hun about DH's family. My mum and sister have already announced they will be there to cook and clean for us when we want, which I am completely comfortable with, but if DH's family were there I dunno, it'd be a different story!
Having a word to the nurses can also be good, because then they become the baddies not you.
If the nurses knew i was tired and people were hanging around, they would pop in and say, "ok, rest time, time for visitors to go." It was great.
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