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Thread: Need reassurance about my birth option plan...

  1. #1

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    Default Need reassurance about my birth option plan...

    I'm getting very unsure about the decision we have made for the birth but I don't think I really need to feel that way, so I need some reassurance.

    My first choice was always a homebirth but with how much they cost I decided that a birth centre with a doula would be a good second choice. I was feeling really positive about that as I have midwife managed care and I think our doula is fantastic.

    But lately I can't help but feel like everything is going to go wrong. I don't actually know which midwife will be attending to me when I'm in labour- what if I don't like her? Whenever I have my midwife appointments they are short and pretty 'clinically' based- why isn't anyone asking about my vision of birth and wanting to get to know me? I rang up to change class dates cause they had booked them in for a time I will be away and the lady I spoke to made it sound like the hardest thing ever and as though I was a real problem- how will they act if I have something much bigger I want to argue against? What if I get classed as high risk and bumped to the hospital anyway?

    I told my H maybe we should look into a homebirth again but I could see his body language droop- I hate the financial pressure that puts on him now he is the money earner of our family.

    I'm just feeling so anxious and sad about it at the moment- but really I have so many positives I need to remember right? I'm pretty well set up with a birth centre and doula- things could be fantastic... I don't want to ruin it all by going in with a negative attitude to start with.

    Anyone else get these doubts? Feel free to share your amazing birthcentre experiences!


  2. #2

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    Hey Ren, first of all, I think how you feel is completely normal and it's unfair that you need to be in this position in the first place. I really encourage you to write to the health minister or even a media publication to explain how you feel and its unfair that women wanting this choice have to bear such financial burden. We need women complaining - if its just midwives making change, then it looks like self-interest!

    I am sure you will have a wonderful birth centre birth - yes sometimes you don't get midwives you like, but you do have a doula you like and one who is on your team - so no matter what path your journey takes, your doula will stand by your side regardless and do any advocating and 'boxing' LOL for you. Trust her She's there to make it extra special for you and not let anyone bully you around. Also remember the shift changes in hospitals - 7am, 3pm and 11pm. So a midwife will be gone before you know it.

    On the other hand, you may have an awesome midwife! Your partner can also request another midwife if you are really struggling with one of them, problem is overnight often there is only one midwife. But you could add to your birth plan or have your partner request that you be left alone and only have the midwife in for checks only. Say you want privacy - even say due to some personal issues you have you have a need to be alone and someone come in only if necessary.

    You will do great, you are informed, empowered, in a BC and prepared and I can tell you, thats one heck of a good start. You may not have your dream homebirth, but you have done the very next best thing. Just because birth centres have high transfer rates, that doesn't mean they all had doulas too. Nowhere near 50% for me end up out of the BC.... trust your body, trust your baby and trust those around you. x
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children

    BellyBelly Birth & Early Parenting Immersion - Find out how to have a BETTER, more confident birth experience... guaranteed!
    Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know

  3. #3

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    Ren: I had a doula and it was a fantastic decision. Because DH and I had discussed everything with her beforehand, I didn't have to worry about being bullied into something that I didn't want. I was lucky to have fantastic midwifes also, but DH and I had already decided, if the midwife we had wasn't what we needed (eg a complete cow) then we would tell the Doula and she would politely ask for another midwife.

    Once you are in labour you go into a zone, you will so focused on your bub, your DH and your Doula that you will barely notice anyone else. My Ob arrived mid contraction and apparently about 5 mins after he arrived I said 'when did you get here?' (lol) I didn't even notice him arrive.

    You will have an amazing experience at the birth center. I didn't have a birth centre birth because I was high risk, but even in a Hospital labour ward, because of the support I had, I felt like I was in another place all together.

    HTH
    Spring xx

  4. #4

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    Thanks so much. Thanks for your lovely reply Kelly- I was thinking of writing to you but hate to burden you too much... I may have many more worries to come!

    You've both said some really constructive things and they really help... you're quite right about asking for another midwife and also the focus I will have. I'm sure it'll all just flow when it happens. I do have amazing support so I'm off to a great start.

    I do need to get political though... thanks for the health minister tip.

  5. #5

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    Hi Ren

    One thing I read in Juju Sundin's Birth Skills book is that you can't feel disappointed with your birth if you know that you've tried your very best. For some that will mean a natural birth; for others it will mean trying as hard as possible for a natural birth and having drugs if and when they need them. I fell into the latter category and was ecstatic about my birth even though I had an epidural and forceps because I knew I'd tried my very best and was as well prepared as I could possibly be.

    Also, I think taking a doula is a FANTASTIC decision. I wouldn't worry too much about the experience you're having with your midwives. It would be nice if you felt more nurtured and our system should provide continuity of care, but given the stack of cards that we're dealt, I think concentrate on the relationship you're establishing with your doula.

    My main guide was the book I mentioned and I honestly didn't have much interaction with the midwives whatsoever because I used its pain management techniques (until the epidural) so really didn't have much use for the midwives. They popped in every now and again but when they did they just watched me bouncing up and down on my fitball bashing my stress balls together.

    I can't say "don't stress" because everyone stresses about their first labour, but don't put TOOOO much pressure on yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for thinking things through beforehand.

    Best of luck.

    Fiona

  6. #6

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    I think sometimes women do give it their best but still feel disappointed; perhaps by the restrictions put on them, a caesarean that had to happen but not what they wanted (or resulted in an infection or other problem) and I think this is why we are seeing more PTSD after birth. Women give it their best go but the system or support can let them down and I think it happens far too often. As I say above, I think this a great reason to get a doula (who will debrief with you afterwards) and support you all the way through. Even with good support, sometimes women still get PND, a couple of my clients have, so I do agree give it your best, but don't be afraid to acknowledge your feelings, disappointment and talk and debrief with someone trained. Hospitals are *supposed* to do this but I don't know anyone who feels they got that... clearly the system is failing though, with far too many women having PND and interventions... so thats one small thing I disagree with on the Ju Ju Sundin book. I think women are too scared or embarassed to admit how they feel when people say things like, 'oh well you did your best' or 'oh well you have a healthy baby' iykwim? Talk about how you feel women! x
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children

    BellyBelly Birth & Early Parenting Immersion - Find out how to have a BETTER, more confident birth experience... guaranteed!
    Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know

  7. #7

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    I agree Kelly- and I think that's part of what is bothering me after my 'friendly chat' to the midwife at the birth centre the other day. She tried to change my classes so the final one would be 5 days before my due date. I asked her what was covered in that class and she said post natal health, so I asked if I missed that class because I went into labour early if a midwife would cover that info with me before sending me home. She basically scoffed down the phone and said "No"... could I feel that my ongoing health and wellbeing is any less of a concern??

  8. #8

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    Are you doing some private birth education? Highly recommend it... just like getting a doula, it's independent, on your side and there to empower you, not hold you to policy Or you could grab a Pink Kit I have some for my clients to use.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children

    BellyBelly Birth & Early Parenting Immersion - Find out how to have a BETTER, more confident birth experience... guaranteed!
    Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know

  9. #9

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    Kelly - I'm interested in what you're saying about the link between PND and the birth experience - obviously I can google it but if you have any particular reading you can recommend, could you please post a link (or several).

    Thanks

    Fiona

  10. #10

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    In terms of studies? I remember googling one day and found a report I think it was a hospital one (in Australia). It clearly stated that in a birth where a mother does not feel in control and she is not involved in the decision making process, then she is more likely to end up with PND. There is stacks of the stuff online, sorry I don't have time to look for it for you but if you mean some other kinds of reading material, there are heaps in the recommended reading list and they will also be in the BB online shop.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children

    BellyBelly Birth & Early Parenting Immersion - Find out how to have a BETTER, more confident birth experience... guaranteed!
    Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know

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