Need some advice..

[xXHopeXx]

ok as a forewarning, i think this may be long...

Scenario:

we are currently planning to have a home birth. im not due til early feb 2011, so i still have awhile yet.

Question 1:

Is it normal for an IM to have 5 births in one month? (not sure how many for the following one) and the last birth for that month is less than 2 weeks before the next in the following month?


Question 2:
(this is more of the advice section)

For those who dont know, recently, as in the past 4 days or so, i have been experiencing SEVERE hip pain (to read more about it, see THIS thread: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ce-149439.html)

so, we are thinking, if i am in this much pain at 29/30 weeks.. i honestly dont know IF i am going to be able to last anywhere from another 7 weeks to another 12 weeks... And, at least if the pain gets to the point where i REALLY cant take it anymore, i have the option of asking to be induced by the doctors at the hospital (however if i have a hospital birth, i will still be trying to wait as much as possible to have labour come on naturally and birth naturally, etc. its more just the security of having that option, ITMS?)
But i am getting really offended at people who are REALLY pro-homebirth (nothing wrong with that, but the people i am talking to honestly dont seem to understand my pain atm) saying to me "oh live with it, you have to cook that baby as long as possible, etc. etc. and i WILL be waiting til AT LEAST 37 weeks if i were to be induced anyway by choice, i would put up with the pain for that long, unless she wanted to come earlier on her own, its not like i want to be induced in the next 4 weeks because i cant handle the pain! i dont want my baby in the NICU or SCU for my comfort!
its just SO SO hard when people are telling me its "normal" and basically im over-dramatising it, and telling me to suck it up, when it hurts SO much!!
Surely I shouldn't have to suffer so much physically, mentally and emotionally so much if I really can't handle it... For the sake of a couple weeks if she's already at term. That wouldn't be doing bubs any favors either I imagine if I'm so stressed and not in a good place?

and i know, we could still plan for a homebirth, and if it comes to that point where i cant handle the pain, then cross that bridge then, but the thing is, we would still then be paying over $3,500 for an IM whose services we really didnt get to use much, and we just dont have that sort of money to throw away! thats ALOT of money to us (as well as everyone else im sure), so that makes us reluctant to do it that way, because if we cancel after 37/38 weeks, that will be the scenario, whereas if we cancel now, all we have to pay for are the visits she's given us so far.

and also what bothers both DH & I now, is question 1.... i just found out that our midwife has 5 births booked for January!!!! only one of which i know the due date for, the 30th.. and im due the 11th feb! and the midwife is expecting her to go over.. which to me is rather.. well.. un-reassuring that she may make it to our birth..
i dont know all the other due dates, but What if they go over? What if i go early? How many does she have booked for Feb?!
and on the contract for the home birth, it says that if she cant make it to the birth, we still have to pay the full fee, which to me seems very unfair that we dont get a reduction because she cant attend because shes at another birth... and essentially we pay $3,500 for a public hospy birth.. (if it was because i dialated to quickly or something, i understand that completely in that case though)

and because this is my first birth, i dont know if im likely to go over, go early, etc. an estimate (however accurate it may be) that other mothers have!

i guess, i dont know..
i dont know whether this is common practise for IM's, and, to be honest, i dont know that if i talk to her about all this, what she can really say?
She can't guarantee she WILL be there...
I mean there's not even that guarantee even if i was the only birth for a month either side of my due date really (which i know is unrealistic)! but there's even LESS with the possiblity of more than 5 births before mine, as well as i dont know how many around/after mine too!
Of course she will try her best to be there..
Of course she will try her best to convince me to stay with her..

So i dont really know if me talking to her will really help the situation? (correct me if i'm wrong?) As i feel its something that DH & I have to decide on as there's not much she can really say that we're not expecting?

and i honestly DO want a homebirth, i love the idea of water birth, and birthing naturally, and having my DH & baby girl in our own bed straight after, etc. but given the circumstances with the pain in my hips, and the amount of births surrounding mine with my IM, im not sure if its wise to continue ahead with it, for the simple fact i dont know if it will happen that way, if i chose it?

i just need advice...

has this happened to you? (any of it?)
is it really possible to have a natural (or at least MOSTLY natural) hospy birth?

please help... DH & I are just so confused, and we are constantly being pushed and pulled different ways by people who are REALLY pro-homebirth, and REALLY pro-hospital birth (nothing wrong with that, but we just need a more neutral decision for the circumstances, and the people we seem to be talking to, ONLY seem to be seeing it completely one-sided)
it just seems that everything we've been hoping for these past 6 months have gone to **** and nothing is going right..

im sorry if this is all over the place and a ramble.. i just need advice and not sure where to start...

[helle]

Ah yes. Don't miss that pelvic pain XD

Haven't had a homebirth but from my perspective I would imagine it's pretty natural for her to book in more than one patient in month. A dr does. I mean, it's her living? If she's just booking one patient a month, 3k ( or less because I assume she'd have fees to pay) isn't much of a wage iykwim

[xXHopeXx]

yeah for sure, i mean if she had say 2, maybe 3 in jan, i wouldnt mind at all. like you said, its her living, and what not, and for clients without a doula, she charges 4k, and with a doula, 3.5k.

but my main concern was that there's 5 (more than 1 per week! ) and the latest one is on the 30th Jan (the others im not sure when), less than 2 weeks before im due. and she said shes expecting her to go over (apparently a prior client) and im pretty sure im not the only client for feb

if she was due around the 20th or even up to the 25th really, no probs again, thats a large gap!

[PumpkinZulu]

:yeahthat:

I'm just subscribing, I'll come back tomorrow when I'm less exhausted

[angelaartsstudent]

From all the IMs I know/have talked to/spoke to when I was trying to plan a home birth...yes 5/6 a month is pretty normal. But I think IMs are a bit thin on the ground, hence the high number of births.

[xXHopeXx]

also, a doctor has backups, I.e. If going private, the doctor arranges for someone else to cover his patients if he goes away, and there are ALWAYS doctors at the public hospys, so if going public (or even a private patient with no doctor to help for some reason), there is ALWAYS a doctor there to cover someone even if one is away for some reason.

Whereas I'm pretty sure there's no-one she uses to cover herself if she's at a birth and someone else goes into labour.. So really, I'd end up paying $3,500+ for a public hospy birth anyway if she couldn't make it... Which in my eyes wastes that money as all the prenatal and postnatal visits wouldn't equate to $3,500 or more..

[xXHopeXx]

From all the IMs I know/have talked to/spoke to when I was trying to plan a home birth...yes 5/6 a month is pretty normal. But I think IMs are a bit thin on the ground, hence the high number of births.

Yeesh!! Really!? Wow.. Tbh, if I hadve realised that I may have contemplated not doing it.. And just having my doula and waiting til as late as possible to go to the hospital...

Or at least thought about the decision alot harder before I chose? I didn't realise that the demand was quite THAT high! :O

[MrsBexie]

TBH I don't really have any advice... More just wanted to say that I know what you mean about people saying "just deal with it" etc. Being pg does not mean we have to bare ridiculous pain and uncomfort abd be ok with it!!!! It sounds like your pain is not normal and like you need a professional who will support you and try to help not just discourage you and make you feel like crap!!! I'm sorry that it's happening :hugs:

Maybe with the IM, if you are really unsure you should cancel now? It's such a hard choice too knowing what to do is there an option of a birth centre at your hospital ? Usually they are much more like homebirth than a delivery suite... I am using the BC at my hospital and only have to stay in 4-6hrs, have a massive bath for waterbirth etc. Is that an option for you?

And yes, $3500 is a lot of money!!! I understand why this choice is so hard!!

Good luck n sorry I can't help more!!

[xXHopeXx]

Thanks it is really comforting to have other PG ladies say they're fed up with the "put up with it" stance.

I wish there was a birth centre at our hosp there was one at a hospital about 30mins from us, but i wasnt sure id qualify anyway as its only recently ive been classed as low-risk. so, sadly there isn't, but there are nice big baths in every room, so that's a plus, but there's apparently no water births allowed in any of the hospitals surrounding me! Boo! Lol

But our hosp DOES offer the chance to leave 4-6 hrs after birth if you've had a complication-free birth (I.e. No Caesar, no stitches (I think) etc.) and choose to leave then, which I'd take up if we ended up birthing there!

[Taurean]

Hugs - pelvic/hip/groin/back pain are awful during pregnancy! I suffered from all four from 20 weeks and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. I understand you wanting to get that baby out! I had booked an induction for 3 days after my due date just so I had a date in my head which would mean an end to my suffering. Yes, it truly was that bad and that painful.

I'm not surprised at all that there are 5 other homebirths booked around you - like others said, they have to make a living and I would say it's rare that the births happen at the same time. You are more than likely safe with your booking but yes, there is no guarantee. But like you said, there's no guarantee who can be there if you birth at a hospital either - unless you book and induction or c-section. My OB was on his 'one-in-four' weekends off when I went into spontaneous labour with DD. His partner, a fabulous OB delivered her instead! I was disappointed at the time but there wasn't anything I could do about it and the replacement OB was awesome - so much so we will be seeing him with our next baby!

There are plenty of natural births in hospital stories here on BB. Someone started a thread about it in just the past week actually (natural, drug free births in general). But if you plan on going down the induction path, remember that the start to your labour is not natural and often means there will be more intervention. In saying that, my sister had an ARM with her second son and went on to have a drug free, natural labour at a birth centre and delivered him in the bath 90 minutes later!!

If you choose the hospital path I'd strongly suggest going for a tour of the maternity ward and birth suites (if you can) so there's no surprises when you arrive. I'm sure you already realise but a hospital birth will be quite different to a homebirth. Also read up on inductions and intervention. Prepare yourself in case things don't go the way you want.

It's definitely possible to have a brilliant birth in a hospital though, I just think the trust we have in our bodies and our own expectations are what make the difference. A fab labour team who know what you want and encourage you too makes a huge difference as well. I think being prepared for anything and not setting your expectations too high makes a big difference but believing in yourself and your body is most important no matter where you choose to birth.

Good luck!!

[angelaartsstudent]

I can vouch for the tour of the hospital - very worth it.

[LionsandBears]

I would expect an IM to have at LEAST 5/6 births a month, otherwise how do they make a living? She should have a backup person in case she can't make it to yours. If not, I'd talk to her about how she handles it or find another IM. Most private OBs attend more than that many births a week. It's just that they have backup. IMO, $3500 is quite cheap for the service you get with an IM. Ours cost nearly $4500 and that included all ante-natal & post-natal appts, and birth attendende of 2 IMs. Given our appts were in our home and lasted at least 1 hour I saw that as great value. Where her value really came in was during the birth. It was her expertise and advocacy which ensured we had a low intervention birth when we ended up in hospital at 35weeks with a breech baby. For us, we don't want to have another birth without her, whether that's at home or in the hospital. But we'll now budget for it and might be able to do shared care.

I think your main issue is the pain is overwhelming. I undertand that - I had SPD so bad I was on crutches. I was way over it by 29 weeks. I saw an osteo or physio every week, had acupuncture, moved as little as possible. Sadly, there's nothing you can do until baby comes out. You can treat it, but only birth will reduce the pain. If you're sure you want to be induced, then obviously you want to leave it as long as possible for bub to cook more. I think they say every day in the womb is like a week in the NICU (I cant remember). Saying that it may be that bub decides he/she is over it too and decides to come at 37 weeks.

You can still plan a low-intervention birth in hospital. You can still prepare for as natural a birth as possible. (I'd research ways to minimise damage to your pelvis during birth and have they highlighted in big letters on your birth plan- the last thing you want is forceps for example)

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It is very difficult to deal with. I wish we had public funded homebirth like NZ or UK so you weren't in this position. It sucks.

Maybe ask in the HB or SPD sections how many ladies had SPD, how severe it was and how long baby stayed inside. I'd be interested to know that myself.

[Maruschke]

Have you voiced your concerns to your IM? She might be able to reassure you a bit . SPD sucks big time, I broke my tailbone as a child, and during pregnancy and labour I would get shooting pains where the crack in the bone was. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

No you DON'T have to suffer through rediculous pain just because you are pregnant.

By the way, have you asked your IM if she has experience with SPD?

I would also tour the maternity / birth ward at the local hossy, just in case. Better to be informed and know your options.

Best of luck with your birth.

[PumpkinZulu]

Hehe, seems like I don't have to come back afterall, everyone has said everything I was going to! It's pretty average to have a number of births per month, $4000 a month isn't much of a living, and most IM's will have one or two backups, especially if they're doing a lot of births per month, so I'd ask her about that As for the pain, I can't help there, but I understand your concern, my hips and back are starting to bother me and I'm only 12 weeks! I guess all I can offer in terms of that is to really read up about natural pain relief, like water and TENS for labour, and accupuncture and massage for the pain in the lead up. Also, your IM may carry gas with her for the labour too.

[~clover~]

I'm not much help here, but I'm sure she'd be able to make it. Our local hospital only has one birth suite. From what I can tell it'd be a very rare thing to have 2 people at the same stage of labour at the same time, so they'd need 2. Obviously they have a whole hospital as back up, but the weekend DD was born there were quite a few women came & went in labour & they never needed that room for more than one at a time.
There was another bub born the same day as DD, was due the day after me, but she didn't come in til a good 8 hours after DD was born.
So if you do decide to go that path, there is a good chance she will be there

Just remember that this is your baby, your body & your choice. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decisions, they are not you
I had SPD with my last two. Noone gets it unless they've felt it themselves. Even my mum told me she thought keeping active would be the best thing for it, rather than taking it easy Then she thought back to her 3rd pregnancy & ate her words...