Even if people get upset, they will get over it. Just say No, was the advice given to me by the ladies at my work. I have no intention of having people over for weeks after the birth. My mum will probably be the only one, only becuase it won't be a "visit" she would generally just help out, cook dinner, do washing and things not expect to be entertained.
I feel terrible for you that they were all so selfish so soon after the babies birth to be over imposing themselves on you. You poor thing.
There is also a whooping couch epidemic currently so anyone unvaccinated is going to be told no, on the advice of my GP who says it's too risky at the moment.
You don't have to tell anyone if your mum comes to visit sooner. Your baby, your family your choice imo. You never get that time back when they are little.
I think the text message is a great idea. However - I have family who would think it doesn't apply to them. Would yours fall into the same category? "Oh - she doesn't mean us!!! We'll just pop round for a quick cuppa..."
So you need to be prepared to maybe deal with that. Like - sign on the door, but again, they might think they are exempt... so maybe DH needs to be prepared to deal with unwanted visitors! To be strong and say "Now really is not a good time. We will see all our family at the BBQ/pub/whatever on x date."
That is a lot of people!
What I find interesting is that some people would welcome having everyone over at once upon getting home, or they want their space for a while. Im like you, I want some space after birth, preferably not seeing anyone at all including parents or the in-laws for a while.
I think everyone understands why the mother and father want the space. But I think where some people become offended is when certain people are excluded from seeing whilst others arent invited (especially when they consider your family to be so important to them). Another area where people can be offended is the timeframe (shorter space of time everyone understands, but the longer the time frame the more people seem to be offended).
I really like the idea of having a meet the baby bbq or afternoon tea idea. But I would send out the invites before you give birth, that way you can mention on the invite that you will be having some special family time after birth etc but cant wait for everyone to meet your new arrival at the bbq/afternoon tea...
Last edited by beansbeans!; September 28th, 2011 at 04:31 PM.
Last time we sent around a text to everyone saying something like " C and N are proud to announce the arrival of S, MOther and baby are doing fine dad cannot wipe the smile off his face. We will let people know when we are ready for visitors" ... I caved to a bit of pressure for the two mothers and one SIL to see DD the day she arrived I was buggered and some of my requests while they were there were ignored. Needless to say THIS time I will be a lot firmer with my requests and if people ignore me while I am in hossy I will happily take my baby off whoever is holdingher and ask for the nurses to take her to the nursery (mums and bubs only LOL).
Anyway sorry for the mini hi jack. Let people know before hand where possible, just be ready for some backlash. When bub actually arrives you will probably need to reinforce your rules but those that matter won't mind, those that mind don't matter .
Nae x x x x
Last edited by NaeNae; September 28th, 2011 at 02:58 PM.
I just told my immediate family that I wanted no visitors (luckily DH's family are all interstate so I knew they weren't going to pop in).
I thought it was best to let them know in advance so whenever I spoke to them before the birth I kept saying....no visitors until I'm up to it.....
Not sure my mum believed me but she did when I had her and told her I just wanted to get home and settled before I had visitors.
That said I settled better than I though so had visitors pretty soon after but I felt like I was in control of when they came....
No, not at all. Just explain (I found it necessary to explain to ppl why I didn't want visitors).
My answer was always = "we're settling in first togther as new beings, we'd like visitors soon, and its important to us and me that we're settled and comfortable with each other").. I actually had to recite and repeat this to most of my family and friends (ie great nanny and DP's mum). Be bold in what you say, and stand your ground. Shake with fear and they will walk all over you.
In saying all this, we kept DS' actual birth a secret. We told only my parents because they had DD overnight, and I knew labour was ineveitable at the time. 15 mins after his delivery, my In-laws were all around. I told them my sentence (as above) and they really respected my desire to BOND with my new baby. Never had a problem since
At the end of the day, its your choice. If they don't respect it, make an excuse-put baby in the car and drive elsewhere for a nice healthy walk.
x
We didn't tell anyone ds was born until the next morning and we didn't have any visitors in the hospital. We just told them that we didn't want any visitors and didn't give any reason. When we came home we settled in and told people that we would let them know when we were ready to have visitors at home. It turned out it was a week before dh's mum and dad saw him and it was one week and one day until my parents (who were here from interstate) saw him. Be strong, it's your life and your baby and you get to be in control. That time we had with ds was amazing and so bonding and it can never be taken away from us or gotten back if we had of not had it.
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