well,

Thanks everyone for your excellent advice. I just wanted to update you.

I spoke to DH last night about my concerns. He initially seemed to become offended that I thought he wouldn't cope at the time, and I ended up getting flustered and in tears coz I felt like I wasn't getting my point across.

Once the waterworks came, he seemed to lose some of the tension, but he explained that he felt like I didn't trust him to do the best thing for me, to make sure he was prepared for me and for labour. He asked if he's ever let me down (not often) and why I didn't believe in him being able to take on this role.

I explained that it wasn't about trust, or belief, but how no person is expected to 'instinctively' know how to help a woman in labour, and that some like a doula or birth attendant trains to be able to support a woman, and that having someone like that there would enhance the birth, taking pressure away from him, not adding to it.

I also said that it concerned me that he didn't seem to be 'getting ready' for what's ahead. He often jokes about how all he'll need to do is say 'breathe breathe push' and that cavewoman had babies without help and we haven't yet died out as a species so everything will be fine.

I don't think he realised how much this macho posturing was making me worry. He has asked me to give him time to read up, learn, go for classes and do what he needs to to make me confident in him again, and I've agreed. He wants so much to be the one who supports me, I can't help but give him the chance.

So here we are, having come to a compromise. He listened to me and my concerns, and wants to allay them, so thats a start. I love that he's so passionate about being there for me, and have to believe he'll be the best support person I could ask for when the time comes.

love
sushee