I have had 4 very different labours. My first was a spontaneous posterior labour - being my first I was not informed about different types of labours and was totally unaware that my back ache was actually contractions (when i think back I feel pretty stupid that it didnt ring any bells after having these back pains for well over 6 hours!) Back pain I think is so much harder to handle position wise there wasnt really a position that gave me relief. Another thing with my posterior labour is that I didnt have the urge to push and had to rely on midwives to instruct me to do so(I am not sure if the lack of urge to push is common in posterior labours).
My 2nd & 3rd labours were pretty much identical both being induced due to high bp, very painful contractions that would start before the last one had finished (no other way to explain it)With my induced labours there was very little time to think about what was happening as the contractions were so fast and strong - both were under 2 hours each.
And my 4th birth was spontaneous very manageable (almost enjoyable!) and about 3hrs. The one thing I kept saying to myself is that the pain is positive and that it would all be over in less than a day. I think if you go into labour scared and anxious about how much it is going to hurt then you will probably not cope as well as you could, where if you go in saying I can do this, I trust my body, you will have a much better experience. Leading up to the birth of my fourth child, I was actually excited and looking forward to the labour and I think that played a positive role in how I managed myself throughout it.
Good luck and think positive!!!
You are so right! with my posterior contractions i also didnt have the urge to push, i just knew i had to when i felt the contraction come on.. I never really thought about it - i assumed that is what they meant when they ask did i need to push?
I've talked with women who've had wonderful birth experiences and almost felt a kind of survivor's guilt that it was so great. And with other women who felt guilty because theirs was appalling. I think, whatever our experience was, good, bad, ecstatic, terrible or just average - talking about it is good. It all contributes to our collective experience and wisdom. It is all valid reflections on the how huge the act of giving birth is. Everyone's experience is unique and everyone's story is important. Every birth comes with its lessons and intensity and even a birth that was quite fine physically might be traumatic emotionally (I had one of those). Bring on the stories, women, thank you for being so open.
One thing I have noticed, is that while experiences of labour vary widely, and each person's subjective experience of pain and trauma also is personal and unique, there's some common ground on what helps - and what is unhelpful.
Helpful:
* privacy
* no time pressure
* freedom to move
* upright, using gravity
* massage and comfort
* water
* relaxed
* not fearful or tense
* loving support, patience, kindness
* quiet, dim lighting
* warmth
Not Helpful:
* too many observers
* time pressure
* having to stay still for any reason, being tethered
* lying down, confined to bed
* no water or pool available
* interruptions or disturbances
* fear, tension, anxiety, difficulty relaxing
* thoughtless or discouraging comments, insensitivity
* bright lights, non-conducive atmosphere and environment, noise
* scary looking equipment and signs in plain view (I saw one hospital where right in front of the bed where they expected a labouring woman to situate herself, was a huge sign running through the various emergency procedures - literally right at eye level for the woman in the bed).
* too cold
(Anything to add from your experience?)
For example, if the labour is already a challenging one because the baby is in an awkward position, a woman in that situation needs and deserves support as much if not more than a progressing labour. Yet often the opposite happens - the woman who actually needs even more time, patience, support and comfort measures is the one who winds up having to endure an extremely difficult labour in the hardest (near impossible) positions - on her back, on a bed, labouring uphill, no water, no pool, under time pressure, anxiety/concern in the atmosphere, not free to move instinctively - and in that scenario, a bit of back-rubbing, a wheat pack and a some hand-holding is just not going to cut it.
Whatever kind of labour you find yourself in, I would encourage you, maximize the things that you know help you and enhance your coping potential, trust all will go well and that you can do this - and have excellent support people so that if you do get to a point that you are unwilling/unable to continue, you have people who really know you advocating for you. Strategies for avoiding birth trauma is a bigger topic than managing the pain of labour, but it is another important subject and we have a wealth of wisdom and experience from people here at BB who can speak to that topic.
Emma - I'm very lucky to have cultivated a relationship with a shamanic healer, who, despite looking like a hairy biker (LOL) was able to bear witness to my experiences once I was finally able to recount them to him. This process took place over several visits, as I progressively remembered more and more and made sense of what had happened. It was enormously empowering for me as there are some aspects (when I was out of body for example) that made perfect sense to me in the end but that western medical practitioners have no framework for (hence the 'psychotic episode' tag). Just having someone listen and really hear it, allowed me to let a lot of it go. Ultimately though some part of that experience will always be with me and I had to just choose to know that and move on within myself. So yes I do think it's important to debrief to a sensitive person who can 'witness' what happened in order to release it, when you are ready to.
Marydean, I'm a real believer in the healing power of validation. This has been true for me personally and has been significant in some therapeutic situations (I was a Registered Obstetric and Pyschiatric Nurse in NZ before I became a mother and a doula). I found that heart-level empathetic listening, so that the speaker felt truly *heard* was so important. It is a way of truly bearing witness with the person. It takes courage and an open heart to be fully present and conscious, to bear witness to another's pain and testimony and healing process. It is a very special gift that you can give. We're not real good at doing this around grief, bereavement, loss, trauma, rage, confusion etc .... but we can learn to do this and be this more for each other.
When I was a paediatric nurse (aged 22), I went in to take a child's temperature one day. The young mum began to talk. She told the most heart-breaking story of horrific abuse. An hour later, I was still standing there, with the thermometer in my hand. I felt so utterly helpless. But she wiped away her tears and said, "You're the first person I've ever told." Lightbulb moment. I realised that being present, bearing witness and really listening is sometimes the best thing, the most needful thing. The experience is yours alone. We have all that we need within us to surmount the most appalling traumas and tragedies. (I've a had a few comparitively minor ones myself). The human spirit is amazing. But sometimes, all we need, it a witness. And sometimes, that's the bravest and sweetest thing we can do for another person who is processing their pain.
It sounds like you are making awesome progress, Marydean. Good on you.
Last edited by Julie Doula; August 5th, 2007 at 12:42 PM.
Ok, It's still fresh in my mind, being only 9 days ago, however I firmly believe that nothing I say will prepare you. I thought I had an idea of what it felt like and well the answer to that is no.
Did it hurt, yes, could I handle it, yes, I only had gas.
What I can tell you is how I felt emotionally about the pain. During it and immediatley after it all I could think is that I can't do that ever again, it was really hard. I got over that in 2 days.
I know there are alot of people who have responded, but I will still give a brief run down of what labour was like for me.
I started pre-labour on Thursday night from about 9.30pm until 3.30am the next day. Contractions were about 20 mins apart and I could easily breathe through them. During the day (Friday) I had no further contractions, just period like pain and blood stained mucus. Pre-labour started again on early Saturday morning, approx 1.00am and DH ended up timing them to be approx 6 mins apart, could breathe through them, called the hospital and they told me to come in. Got to hospital they got further apart, was told best to go home but come back at 8am for OBS to do an internal - cervix was still closed and again to come back at 2pm or earlier if contractions got closer together (they didn't) Went back home to rest as I hadn't had much sleep b/c excited about the possibility of having my baby and also couldn't sleep during contractions. Was continuously having period like pain but the contractions had pretty much stopped again! They started again early Sunday morning, with me doing laps around our kitchen and stopped to breathe through the contractions, which were irregular, anywhere from 6 mins to 2 mins apart. Went back to hospital and they gave me a sleeping tablet, which did nothing. I couldn't lie in bed as the contractions felt more intense when lying down and ended up trying to rest in the chair to no avail. Eventually I hopped in the bath and rocked through the contractions. OBS come in 8am did an internal, whole 1cm dialated and gave me 3 options, 1 go home continue to pre-labour, induction or c-sect. Chose the induction as I was so tired from pre-labour, lack of sleep etc.... Didn't start 'proper' labour until 10.30am - contractions 2 mins apart or 5 contractions every 10 mins. Some I could breathe through, others I couldn't and was bellowing like a cow, trying to breathe but most of the time I was holding my breath. Had intense back pain (I still have the pain when I bass a bowel motion - albeit not as intense), couldn't stand through my contractions as I had pain going down my thighs and felt like I was going to fall over. Also b/c I was induced I had to be monitored the whole time, so I was pretty much stuck on the bed. I had my DH and sister in the room, which was great, although they really couldn't do much for me, just be there, give me a cold face washer, rub my back. Ended up begging to hop in the shower, which they agreed to but only for a short time. I enjoyed being in the shower, warm water on my back but didn't reduce the pain. Had some gas, which didn't do much, other than taking the focus off the contractions and back pain as it rattles when you breathe it in. Had an epidural at approx. 2.30pm and felt great, just could feel pressure in my stomach during contractions. Labour didn't progress much more, I only got to 6 cms and ended up having a c-sect, so I can't comment on the pushing part. HTH
Okay, firstly sorry if I repeat what someone else says, my attention span isn't great these days so I only got halfway through the comments... (okay, I've summed up at the bottom kinda for those who want to skip the waffling.)
I loved River's birth. Loved it.
Someone described a contraction to me before birth, and I found it to be spot on. They described it as a wave. You can feel it coming, so you get into position and ready to breathe, it peaks, and then it ebbs away again and you can relax. Knowing when it was coming and being able to mentally prepare for each one really helped.
I gave birth in the water, and that made a big difference for me, contractions 8mins apart and very very intense on land, 4mins apart and much easier to bear. Everyone's different, but try different things in early labour, and when you find what position/s works for you, that's great.
I had my husband and a birth support partner who's a friend/student midwife. She was brilliant. So was dh actually, not that there was much he could do. I can't recommend enough to have birth support who you trust. I knew that my friend would take care of dh, and that she shared my philosophies about birth, so if she thought I wasn't coping and needed to rest or intervention, I'd trust her judgement. I had underestimated the value of having someone to encourage and tell you you're doing well and the baby will be there soon.
I also told myself labour wouldn't last forever, I actually told myself right from the start 'it'll be over in less than 12 hours', which isn't true for everyone. I ended up with 30min to spare! Knowing it wouldn't last forever helped so much.
Something I hadn't realised was how much your body is able to accommodate labour. I imagined myself chatting inbetween contractions, listening to music, having backrubs...instead I went into a 'zone', where my hormones kicked in, and I focussed so much! No chatting, no music, no touching. My body knew what it had to do, and it did it very well. I'd thought drugs would be a temptation, but I realised I didn't need them, my body did so well on it's own.
Right, well, ramble ramble ramble. Let me sum up what my experience taught me:
- the pain comes like a wave. You see it coming and ready yourself, then relax when it's over.
- your body takes over. Your hormones are far more capable than you imagine.
- good birth support is invaluable. Someone to encourage, and remind you of the end result.
- you won't know what positions are comfortable til labour starts - but it's good to have ideas to try. Take your midwives suggestions too.
Hope that helps, nothing can prepare you entirely, but things like breathing and knowledge were very helpful. All the best!
So glad i read through this thread tonight, i am being induced on tuesday night and have found this thread fantastic. I had to giggle over the tight mouths tight fanny's...lol... Hubby told me i should take along some barry white and sing along.
Singing in labour is a wonderful way to aid progress (I believe!) Just make sure you keep those lips loose and the sound coming from deep inside you not your throat! Good luck for Tuesday!
I love it Rory! In my first labour I sung Cat Stevens "where will the children play". NIce low notes. OOOOH you think it's fine... Building jumbo planes... Taking a ride on a cosmic train.... OOOHHHH!!!!!
It was actually so much better than I expected. I did hypnobirthing which I think is what helped me more than anything. I didn't feel "pain" but discomfort. I was like Nelle, went completely into my own little zone. It was the MOST amazing experience of my life and like Nelle... I LOVED IT!
Haha Becca, I brought music in, some relaxing stuff and some Jamiroquai, and thank goodness no-one put it on, music would have irritated me to no end! I even gave Rans the evil eye when his lolly bag crunched (yes, lolly bag, like he was watching a movie ).
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(okay, I've summed up at the bottom kinda for those who want to skip the waffling.)
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