I've talked with women who've had wonderful birth experiences and almost felt a kind of survivor's guilt that it was so great. And with other women who felt guilty because theirs was appalling. I think, whatever our experience was, good, bad, ecstatic, terrible or just average - talking about it is good. It all contributes to our collective experience and wisdom. It is all valid reflections on the how huge the act of giving birth is. Everyone's experience is unique and everyone's story is important. Every birth comes with its lessons and intensity and even a birth that was quite fine physically might be traumatic emotionally (I had one of those). Bring on the stories, women, thank you for being so open.

One thing I have noticed, is that while experiences of labour vary widely, and each person's subjective experience of pain and trauma also is personal and unique, there's some common ground on what helps - and what is unhelpful.

Helpful:
* privacy
* no time pressure
* freedom to move
* upright, using gravity
* massage and comfort
* water
* relaxed
* not fearful or tense
* loving support, patience, kindness
* quiet, dim lighting
* warmth

Not Helpful:
* too many observers
* time pressure
* having to stay still for any reason, being tethered
* lying down, confined to bed
* no water or pool available
* interruptions or disturbances
* fear, tension, anxiety, difficulty relaxing
* thoughtless or discouraging comments, insensitivity
* bright lights, non-conducive atmosphere and environment, noise
* scary looking equipment and signs in plain view (I saw one hospital where right in front of the bed where they expected a labouring woman to situate herself, was a huge sign running through the various emergency procedures - literally right at eye level for the woman in the bed).
* too cold

(Anything to add from your experience?)

For example, if the labour is already a challenging one because the baby is in an awkward position, a woman in that situation needs and deserves support as much if not more than a progressing labour. Yet often the opposite happens - the woman who actually needs even more time, patience, support and comfort measures is the one who winds up having to endure an extremely difficult labour in the hardest (near impossible) positions - on her back, on a bed, labouring uphill, no water, no pool, under time pressure, anxiety/concern in the atmosphere, not free to move instinctively - and in that scenario, a bit of back-rubbing, a wheat pack and a some hand-holding is just not going to cut it.

Whatever kind of labour you find yourself in, I would encourage you, maximize the things that you know help you and enhance your coping potential, trust all will go well and that you can do this - and have excellent support people so that if you do get to a point that you are unwilling/unable to continue, you have people who really know you advocating for you. Strategies for avoiding birth trauma is a bigger topic than managing the pain of labour, but it is another important subject and we have a wealth of wisdom and experience from people here at BB who can speak to that topic.

Birthing women are amazing ....