please help-Dilemma-how long did your DH stay at hospital after birth

[babybabycakes]

Hi everyone;

Just wanted to know how long everyones DH/DP's stayed at hospital on the day of bub's birth??

I am being induced this sunday/monday. My Dilemma is that DH plays poker (for fun) on Monday nights. He suggested that if bub is born before Poker starts that he could still go that night (at 7pm), seeing as hospital visiting for him ends at 9pm, so it would only be a few hours earlier.

I hit the roof and am very upset with this idea. I thought that he would stay for as long as possible. its his/our first child and i cant believe that he would leave to play poker if hes seen the bub for an hour or 2. He thinks i am being unreasonable. am i???

I thought we would be spending time bonding with bub and that this event would eclipse any other hobbies/interests on that day.

Did your partners/hubby's stay for as long as possible on the day, or did they go home/out/leave after for other things?

[CharlieBrownGirl]

Sorry, I can't answer your question... just wanted to let you know that Poker & Poker Stars will be the death of me. Nothing gets done around here cause "I'm playing a game"



Enjoy your little bundle of joy

[Indadhanu]

Nope, you're not unreasonable. I think he's being a dork, but honestly, I doubt he'll even think about poker

Jazz was born via c/s on about 5:15pm, and Shel didn't leave until 10pm. Visiting hours were over, but no one kicked her out (after being at the hospital over 24 hours as it was she decided she needed to go home before she fell asleep on the floor! poor diddums ).

[TeniBear]

I'd hit the roof too! I can understand if he had to go to work or something, but poker? Maybe he just doesn't realise how important it is to you, or how much it will mean to him at the time?

Have you asked him what would happen if you were still in labour at 7 on Monday?

[Oorki Galoorki]

My Dh would have gotten a big kick up the butt for saying that!! Nothing gets in the way of family time!! esp NB bonding...

[Jellyfish]

Wow, you are not being unreasonable in the slightest. My DP actually didn't leave the hospital until I left (about 3 days after the birth).

[barney]

ohh it would be nice if he could give poker a miss just this time i dont blame you for being upset by this hun .
my dh rekons his not going anywere until i am, im even trying to con him up not to sleep in the car out the front and we only live 20mins away good luck with your birth sweety

[Stevie]

my DH missed the birth due to work, but i had her 10.15pm he got there about 10.45pm and didnt leave until 1am.

and like others have mentioned maybe he wont feel this way once bub is actually here, something ive learned off my DH, take notice of what he does not what he says lol.

[Jaycee]

Wow, I would of hit the roof too!
I had DS at 4am, we'd been at the hospital since 3pm the previous afternoon and DH didn't leave until around 2pm that day and was back at 5pm (the hospital had a strict rest time in the maternity ward from 2 til 4pm). He then didn't leave til 10pm and was back first thing the next morning!
Think your DH is being a bit of a twat, DH would of got a good kick up the backside if he'd of said that to me!

[Muppity]

Your DH sounds like mine!

He was telling me last night that when I am in hospital he will get his parents to stay in the house (not my favorite suggestion but whatever gets him through is fine - I won't be there) and he will pop in every night after work, "maybe for an hour or so" before he goes home to the dinner that he will get his Mum to cook!

I suggested that he may very well have other plans...not quite in those words...

[babybabycakes]

Have you asked him what would happen if you were still in labour at 7 on Monday?

He will skip it then he said. Im staying o/night sunday night after gel induction then on drip monday so he thinks it will all be over by afternoon. Hes argument is that he will need to leave for sleep and things anyway. Ive said he can leave at close of visiting hrs for spouses (9pm)
His response was if he leaves at 6.30 its only a few hours earlier and then he can play poker and sleep. He keeps saying that its important not to let hobbies/him time/me time slide just because bub is born. (What is me time anyway??? i cant remember having any for months)

[Cassius2]

I think he does need a bit of shake-down lol! maybe on the sly get the middies or Ob to vouch for him needing to stay...my DH was brought into line a few times over the pg (ie wanting me to still go on the back of the vespa when i was 20+ weeks pregnant lol).

i really really recommend that you insist on DH being there post birth. you will be really tired and the emotions are really full on when bubs is born. my DH also exited REALLy quickly post birth (just sprung it on me so i had no time to prepare or fight him IYKWIM). and it felt like a huge shock. usually post birth you stay for a couple of hours in the delivery room for good solid bonding time/feeding and shower etc. i really think it is best if he is there for you and bubs.

i felt very very lonely taking myself and my baby back to the room all alone. and i dont recommend it.

hope he can change his mind...and if not, i would recommend that you have someone else as back up to be there to hold your hand and tell you that you did an amazing job and also to watch over bubs while you get a bit of a rest...

[~breeze~]

For DD's birth I was overdue 8 days & because it was coming up to Anzac Day XDH kept saying "she better not come on Anzac Day & make me miss out on 2 up". 5am Anzac Day I had my first contraction LOL. Throughout my labour he kept checking his watch wondering if he'll get to 2 up, he even asked the midwife if she thought I'd have had the baby before 7pm (thats when 2 up ended). I ended up having her just after 10pm, he left soon after (at my request) to go home & get me my medicine as my HG was playing up again, he returned an hour or so later & brought my mum (which was nice) & they left I think just after midnight. So he didnt spend much time "bonding" with our new daughter.

I also had to call him in the mornings & ask him where he was because I was lonely, he always came in late & left early too... didnt spend much time there at all come to think of it & I was in there for 5 days LOL

As I said he is now my EX DH hahahaha

I hope your DH sticks around & gets swept up in the moment of meeting his child for the first time staying with you for as long as possible. It really is a beautiful time.

[Miss H]

Men! Hopefully he changes his mind once baby is born. There is no time for me time with a baby in the house! My hubby stayed until 10pm. They don't normally kick the spouse out.

[Trillian]

Well his first mistake was to think that it's going to be so cut and dry that he can still make poker Good chance he might be able to but also a good chance he wont. tell him how you feel about it and that they are moments you will never get back again. But to be fair after a few hours there isn't really a need to stay with you if everything is fine. If you are in a shared room and he's been up all the previous night with you then he wont be able to stay and have a snooze with you afterwards at all so it makes sense to go home and get rest, as should you.

Our first was born at 1.20pm and DH had left by 5, with #2 she was born at 7.50am and he stayed for about 4hrs, #3 he stayed overnight with me as I'd had a lot of dramas after her birth and he didn't want to leave me, plus it was late by then anyway and with #4 again he stayed the night as it was too late for him to drive home.

[misty]

He will skip it then he said. Im staying o/night sunday night after gel induction then on drip monday so he thinks it will all be over by afternoon. Hes argument is that he will need to leave for sleep and things anyway. Ive said he can leave at close of visiting hrs for spouses (9pm)
His response was if he leaves at 6.30 its only a few hours earlier and then he can play poker and sleep. He keeps saying that its important not to let hobbies/him time/me time slide just because bub is born. (What is me time anyway??? i cant remember having any for months)

give him a big slap up the side of the head for me and tell him to wake up to himself! He is going to be a father, there is no such thing as 'me' time anymore - at least not in the begining. He needs to look at his priorities IMHO.

men!

[Roryrory]

Personally I would be surprised if he is capable of driving to Poker, least of all being sentient enough to play. If you are induced Sunday night chances are you will either have a long and restless night Sunday and possibly even a baby by Monday morning. Now, if that happens he will probably be in need of sleep for most of Monday, as will you! And if the bub isn't born til Monday arvo then FOR sure he will be too tired to go to poker, because you both will have been up for possibly 24 hours at a stretch (babies often take a looong time to make an appearance!)

It sounds like normal "I am not going to let this baby change things" behaviour. Stupid, immature, crazy, insentive - sure! But within the bounds of normal. My DH said and planned some crazy things before #1 was born, as I am sure I did. But bubs have a way of putting aside the best laid plans.

Personally, I think it comes down to this. You don't want him to go. Once that baby is born his job is to be there for you. Simple. He shouldn't go for that reason alone. But it sounds like the deeper issue is his fears about how his life will change after bub arrives....

[misty]

oh, for what it's worth. This last time DH kept on looking at the clock and commenting how tired he was during my last labour and just afterwards, he wanted out of there as soon as possible. I was ropeable. he thought HE was tired! Hello.....
I tried to ignore it, but really it was the last thing I needed. As it was, he was out of there as soon as he could make a getaway, but that wasn't until at least 3hrs afterwards. And he really copped an ear full about it several days later when I was stressed and overtired and falling apart trying to look after a newborn and still waiting for my milk to come in properly.

It really is a good idea to try and sort this out now, rather then hoping he will change his mind - because trust me you don't need the stress or resentment at the time your baby is born or in the few week following - because everything else will be hard enough, even if you get an easy baby like I did.