please help-Dilemma-how long did your DH stay at hospital after birth

[Miss H]

Men! Hopefully he changes his mind once baby is born. There is no time for me time with a baby in the house! My hubby stayed until 10pm. They don't normally kick the spouse out.

[Trillian]

Well his first mistake was to think that it's going to be so cut and dry that he can still make poker Good chance he might be able to but also a good chance he wont. tell him how you feel about it and that they are moments you will never get back again. But to be fair after a few hours there isn't really a need to stay with you if everything is fine. If you are in a shared room and he's been up all the previous night with you then he wont be able to stay and have a snooze with you afterwards at all so it makes sense to go home and get rest, as should you.

Our first was born at 1.20pm and DH had left by 5, with #2 she was born at 7.50am and he stayed for about 4hrs, #3 he stayed overnight with me as I'd had a lot of dramas after her birth and he didn't want to leave me, plus it was late by then anyway and with #4 again he stayed the night as it was too late for him to drive home.

[helle]

Poker... First born...

Yeah it'd be WW3 here for sure too.

I got uppity when DH said that he'd go home to sleep when bubs is born... I thought he'd stay at the hopsital with me! But, logic set in and I realised we still have a dog to feed, and he needs a decent shower and change of clothes at least once a day Plus boarding costs 75 bucks a night apparently

[Laranna]

No, you're not being unreasonable! For us, DS was born at 4:42am and DH stayed the whole week with us. He slept at the hospital (I had a double bed). DS was born on a Sunday, so DH was with us the whole of Sunday and Monday, he went back to work on Tuesday but came "home" to the hospital after work and stayed overnights until I left hospital on the Saturday. Then he took his leave from work when we were all back at home.

[suse]

Your DH says that it's important not to let hobbies / 'me' time slide just because of the bub - umm, make sure he tells the baby that, OK, because I suspect that bubs will have an entirely different perspective on the matter LOL.

I suspect that your DH has no real concept as to how much life changes and the reality of it is going to be a bit of a shock to him. Especially if he thinks that going to play poker on the night that your baby is born is in context to the magnitude of the event. In twenty years time when he thinks back to the birth of his first child, what does he want to remember?

[Lolli]

i thinks someones dh's needs a good kick up the pants (and just this once, it's not mine! ) I'd be ****ed too. This is his child being born, ffs...

My hospital kicked dh out an hour after bubs was born, because it was the middle of the night and not visiting hours. i was ropeable. So it might be a moot point if your hossy is as horrible as mine was. It is nice to have your partner ther as long as possible- for the company, the debrief, someone to complain to who has to listen, and to run to the vending machine when you feel the need for chocolate

[Gigi]

Your DH says that it's important not to let hobbies / 'me' time slide just because of the bub - umm, make sure he tells the baby that, OK, because I suspect that bubs will have an entirely different perspective on the matter LOL.

I suspect that your DH has no real concept as to how much life changes and the reality of it is going to be a bit of a shock to him. Especially if he thinks that going to play poker on the night that your baby is born is in context to the magnitude of the event. In twenty years time when he thinks back to the birth of his first child, what does he want to remember?

beautifully put Suse

:yeah that:

i remember feeling so sad, that our first night with a nb, her daddy coudln't stay (nowhere to sleep) and i wanted us all to be together (had planned a homebirth that ended up transferred to hospital) - so it was a very emotional time - traumatic labour where stuff when horribly wrong PLUS being alone with our new baby (my first) in strange environment where nothing was familiar, noisy and full of strangers barging in and out of the room at all hours. I didn't need her father to be there to deal with the baby, i just wanted us to be together (considering baby arrived not breathing, i was still in shock she was actually alive).

even if everything had gone like clockwork, i STILL would have wanted us all to be together.

NOTHING is the same once the baby arrives. Perspective kicks in.

[Megan]

DH left at about 8.30 pm, which was about 3 hours after DS was born. He would have stayed if I asked him, but DS was having a big sleep and I was ready for a sleep, so it made sense for him to go home and rest himself so he could be back at the hospital first thing.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, and your DH probably wont even be thinking of poker if you have a new little baby by that time.

[Artechim]

I wouldn't mind if he had something reasonable to go to, but poker!

With DS he was born at 4.20pm, DH stayed until about 9pm when they asked him to leave.
With DD, DH wasn't at the birth (at home with DS), he came down about an hour after she was born and stayed for 10 minutes, then came back about two hours later to pick us up and take us home.

[sloane]

i don't think you're being unreasonable. DS was born at 5.45pm (and was induced - the tape thing on the tues evening & then waters broken & drip first thing on the wed). DP prob left around 11.30 that night. i think that maybe your DH won't want to leave but sometimes you have to let them work it out for themselves!

fwiw, i came home on the fri & my DP went to the footy on the fri night & i had no problem with that so it is possible to still have 'me' time with a newborn

[Miss E]

hhmmm I would be pretty unhappy with that too! After going through your labor you will be exhausted and need his help and support. Also I would be very suprised if the hospital kicks him out after visiting hours.

My DH stayed with me and DS the whole time we were in hospital and only went home to feed the cat. I had to have an emergency CS after a failed induction and there was no way I could've looked after DS by myself. I was so glad DH was there to change nappies, wrap him, settle him etc when I couldn't. I would've hated it if in those first few precious hours it was a midwife doing that not his parents.

I think in the end he won't go to poker. It can be hard for men to appreciate the significance of becoming a parent before it happens iykwim. Because they don't experience the pregnancy themselves, for some it only really sinks in when the event happens. None the less, I also would be very unhappy at even the suggestion of going to play poker.

I'm sure if you sit down with him and tell him how you feel he will be able to get a better understanding of what will be needed and expected from him.

[Sagres]

Hmmm I think he is a bit unprepared for the experience, might come as a bit of a shock to him.
If my DH suggested that he would get a big fat kick up the bum!
A was born at 4:30 am, DH did go home for an hour or 2 in the afternoon but stayed the first night.

[hj1981]

I don' think your being unreasonable at all!

I had to kick my DH out that night at 10pm so he could go home and get some sleep! he was aloud to stay but i thought at least one of us should get some sleep so he reluctantly went home and was back at 6am the next morning and stayed the night for the rest of the 4nights i was in hospital!

Surley ur partner can miss one poker night! its a very special event having your 1st bub and one that u will never repeat again! i hope he comes around and spends the quality time with you and his bubba!

[krysalyss]

Sorry but he is being an a$$. You and the baby deserve better support than this.

[slyder]

I didn't want to comment on this for fear of getting in strife, but fair dinkum, what a .....

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt along the lines of what Suse said, but even then I just keep thinking swear words.

[Pretty Butterfly]

If my partner ever left soon after the birth of any of our babies, whether it be the first or 7th, he'd be told to not bother returning....

I refuse for anyone to have my babies for the first few hours except me and Dh. After babe has fed, is wrapped and asleep, Dh has bubba while I shower and get cleaned up, and then helps me to my room. This can take up to 3 hrs, if babe feeds for a while, and you need to lie down and rest a little after birth.
I tend to bleed quite heavily for a few hours, so he gets anything I need, and passes bub to me, so I can stay lying down. Regardless of visiting hrs, he has never been kicked out...

It can feel quite lonely to be suddenly left alone with babe too... you may just need him for company too....

[Winter]

Can I ask how old your DH is? He is acting like a 5 year old and needs to grow up! There is no such thing as "me time" once you have a baby, your life as you knew it is over & a beautiful new one grows up in its place! He needs to get over himself and man up!

Best of luck with your birth, you'll have that bubba in your arms very soon!

[Sammiejane]

DH stayed until about 11pm, i was in labour all day and then had a cs at 8pm.
he was exhausted and had to work the next day... he came in only for a hour or 2 each day.

Some men are all over having a baby and others are HEAPS better when the baby is a bit older... DH is the later (he baths MJ most nighst and they play really silly games, he is just better where there is some level of awareness there iykwim). it wasnt that he didnt care, didnt love her or me, its just there were things to do and he copes very poorly in hospital...

He might change his mind once the baby is here... either that or you might just be really glad to have some alone time with your little bundle. it is very overwhelming and i know that once everyone was gone i just loved sitting looking and cuddling my little girl.

i know this probably hasnt helped, but everyone is different and respond differntly to situations...

GL