please help-Dilemma-how long did your DH stay at hospital after birth

[misty]

He will skip it then he said. Im staying o/night sunday night after gel induction then on drip monday so he thinks it will all be over by afternoon. Hes argument is that he will need to leave for sleep and things anyway. Ive said he can leave at close of visiting hrs for spouses (9pm)
His response was if he leaves at 6.30 its only a few hours earlier and then he can play poker and sleep. He keeps saying that its important not to let hobbies/him time/me time slide just because bub is born. (What is me time anyway??? i cant remember having any for months)

give him a big slap up the side of the head for me and tell him to wake up to himself! He is going to be a father, there is no such thing as 'me' time anymore - at least not in the begining. He needs to look at his priorities IMHO.

men!

[Roryrory]

Personally I would be surprised if he is capable of driving to Poker, least of all being sentient enough to play. If you are induced Sunday night chances are you will either have a long and restless night Sunday and possibly even a baby by Monday morning. Now, if that happens he will probably be in need of sleep for most of Monday, as will you! And if the bub isn't born til Monday arvo then FOR sure he will be too tired to go to poker, because you both will have been up for possibly 24 hours at a stretch (babies often take a looong time to make an appearance!)

It sounds like normal "I am not going to let this baby change things" behaviour. Stupid, immature, crazy, insentive - sure! But within the bounds of normal. My DH said and planned some crazy things before #1 was born, as I am sure I did. But bubs have a way of putting aside the best laid plans.

Personally, I think it comes down to this. You don't want him to go. Once that baby is born his job is to be there for you. Simple. He shouldn't go for that reason alone. But it sounds like the deeper issue is his fears about how his life will change after bub arrives....

[misty]

oh, for what it's worth. This last time DH kept on looking at the clock and commenting how tired he was during my last labour and just afterwards, he wanted out of there as soon as possible. I was ropeable. he thought HE was tired! Hello.....
I tried to ignore it, but really it was the last thing I needed. As it was, he was out of there as soon as he could make a getaway, but that wasn't until at least 3hrs afterwards. And he really copped an ear full about it several days later when I was stressed and overtired and falling apart trying to look after a newborn and still waiting for my milk to come in properly.

It really is a good idea to try and sort this out now, rather then hoping he will change his mind - because trust me you don't need the stress or resentment at the time your baby is born or in the few week following - because everything else will be hard enough, even if you get an easy baby like I did.

[Doing my best]

I don't think you will need to worry..

My DH had these wonderful ideas of what he was going to do while I was in hsopital, and when DD actually arrived, he couldn't stay away. He was the proudest dad and all I was allowed to do was BF when he was there.

I am sure he will see there are more important things then poker on the day..

[Rumpleteaser]

My DH took his Mum and my Mum out for an early dinner, but came back after.

You might also want to consider you might be tired and want to rest.

[briggsy's girl]

He will skip it then he said. Im staying o/night sunday night after gel induction then on drip monday so he thinks it will all be over by afternoon. Hes argument is that he will need to leave for sleep and things anyway. Ive said he can leave at close of visiting hrs for spouses (9pm)
His response was if he leaves at 6.30 its only a few hours earlier and then he can play poker and sleep. He keeps saying that its important not to let hobbies/him time/me time slide just because bub is born. (What is me time anyway??? i cant remember having any for months)

just to put another spanner in the works - if you're being induced, there is a chance your body and baby won't be ready. if the ob is doing the right thing for you and for your bub, they'll do it gently. so you may not even have a baby by monday night!

i had gels tuesday night. i had a very restless night due to having some contractions - but they did nothing to ripen my cervix. i had gels again wednesday morning as there was no way my body was ready. i was then put on the drip on thursday morning, and it was gradually increased a little at a time until max strength early arvo. waters broken at 3 - baby didn't arrive til after 4 on friday morning

Dh went home wed morning about 2am, was back at 9, left again at 10 that night, back at 8, left on saturday night (so was there thurs to saturday).

if he'd had a hobby i'd have kicked his ass for leaving like that after she arrived! but, i did tell him to rack off and relax elsewhere when things weren't rapidly progressing as he was giving me the poos - i needed some time. he stayed with us overnight the first night and didn't go home for more than 8 hours at a time overnight until we went home. he also stayed the last night so that i could feed more regularly and he would settle dd while i slept (she'd lost too much weight so i was feeding every two hours to try to get my milk in and get her to put on weight

[Winter]

Can I ask how old your DH is? He is acting like a 5 year old and needs to grow up! There is no such thing as "me time" once you have a baby, your life as you knew it is over & a beautiful new one grows up in its place! He needs to get over himself and man up!

Best of luck with your birth, you'll have that bubba in your arms very soon!

[Sammiejane]

DH stayed until about 11pm, i was in labour all day and then had a cs at 8pm.
he was exhausted and had to work the next day... he came in only for a hour or 2 each day.

Some men are all over having a baby and others are HEAPS better when the baby is a bit older... DH is the later (he baths MJ most nighst and they play really silly games, he is just better where there is some level of awareness there iykwim). it wasnt that he didnt care, didnt love her or me, its just there were things to do and he copes very poorly in hospital...

He might change his mind once the baby is here... either that or you might just be really glad to have some alone time with your little bundle. it is very overwhelming and i know that once everyone was gone i just loved sitting looking and cuddling my little girl.

i know this probably hasnt helped, but everyone is different and respond differntly to situations...

GL

[Daydream Believer]

DD was born at 4.45pm & taken to SCN pretty much straight away, I was taken to surgery at 5.20-6ish & taken back to the maternity ward at 8.30ish. At some point between then DD was taken back to DF in the larbour ward, they were both bought to me just after 9 & DF was told he had to leave at 10. He left earlier though because we got his parents to come pick him up because he was in no condition to drive. We went to a 21st the night before & only had 15 mins sleep before my waters broke at 1.15am & he was drunk

[indie24]

DD was born 930am and DH left about 5pm that night to go home and sleep. But in saying that DH had had about 30 minutes sleep in 36 hours. I didn't have a problem with him going home that early but I would have if it was to go to a poker game

I was in hospital the week before DD was born due to pre-eclampsia (also a diabetic) so DH had been in visiting me after work. Tuesday they decided to induce me I was given the gels. DH stayed until midnight that night when I was moved back to the ward due to labour room shortages. He then went to work 6am the next morning (on docs advice that we would call him if needed) as I wasn't progressing. I think he left work early (3 rather than 5) that day as I was going to be given more gel. Had contractions most of Wed night. DH slept for about 30 minutes that night. And DD was born Thurs morning.

[AliBaby]

We went to hospital at about 10:30pm on a Sunday night. DD was born at 3:12am Monday morning and DP left at about 8:30am to go home, have a shower, let the dogs out for a wee and then came bac to hospital again. He couldnt stand to be away as he was in awe of me and his beautiful baby girl.

I am sure once she is born he will realise how important the two of you are. A game of poker can be played any time but those special moments of the first week or so you can never get back.

[Catastrophic]

With Eli, My DF got at the hosp at 11pm sun (I was already in hosp with swine flu) had Eli at 2am mon, he stayed until 530am and was back up monday 10am! and didn't leave until 5pm that day,

[~Saram~]

I'm guessing that when it comes down to it - he probably won;t be thinking about poker or if he does it will be just so he can go and brag/show off rather than actually wanting to leave. Also as much as it is an awesome amazing experince we have to keep in mind that for some guys pregnancy and childbirth is a foregin concept and it takes them longer than us to get their heads around the miraculousness of birth and babies. We've got all those gushy hormones going on which make us latch on to that little person and never want to let them go plus you might have breastfeeding to concentrate on if you're choosing that and a lot of guys don't get that at first. Just something to keep in mind if he does seem a little bored or eager to go after a while. For some men especiually it is very hard for them to be useless or powerless which a lot of men can feel after birth and in the first few months when it's all feeding and sleeping - does that make sense?

Having said that
#1 we had it written into our birth plan that nothing happen for at least an hour after birth, that time went so quickly! 5 hrs later after visitors and a shower I sent DH home reluctantly.

#2 he left maybe 2 hrs after to go and get DS and get something to eat. He then took everyone home for dinner but stayed over the next night.

[CharlieBrownGirl]

Just wondering how you went, did DH stay and skip Poker?
Hope all is well with you and your bubba.

[Gigi]

Your DH says that it's important not to let hobbies / 'me' time slide just because of the bub - umm, make sure he tells the baby that, OK, because I suspect that bubs will have an entirely different perspective on the matter LOL.

I suspect that your DH has no real concept as to how much life changes and the reality of it is going to be a bit of a shock to him. Especially if he thinks that going to play poker on the night that your baby is born is in context to the magnitude of the event. In twenty years time when he thinks back to the birth of his first child, what does he want to remember?

beautifully put Suse

:yeah that:

i remember feeling so sad, that our first night with a nb, her daddy coudln't stay (nowhere to sleep) and i wanted us all to be together (had planned a homebirth that ended up transferred to hospital) - so it was a very emotional time - traumatic labour where stuff when horribly wrong PLUS being alone with our new baby (my first) in strange environment where nothing was familiar, noisy and full of strangers barging in and out of the room at all hours. I didn't need her father to be there to deal with the baby, i just wanted us to be together (considering baby arrived not breathing, i was still in shock she was actually alive).

even if everything had gone like clockwork, i STILL would have wanted us all to be together.

NOTHING is the same once the baby arrives. Perspective kicks in.