Liz this is a topic very close to my heart...
When we had DS who is now 6 our DD was 5. I had not considered her not being at the birth but she was old enough to choose. Ihad been at a number of births where siblings were present and had never seen it as an issue. DS was born at 1.10am at a Birth Centre. She had a designated carer and spent the time at the BC whilst I laboured rubbing my back, brushing my hair and watching with the awe that only a child can... She cut her brothers cord when he was born. It was a beautiful experience.

When DD4 was born her brother was 2 and he and his older sister were at the birth in the same birthing centre. Again there was a designated carer - he was a bit over come after the birth with the excitement and joy. His pudgy little 2yo hands on his new born sister still reduce me to tears. It again was beautiful.

When DD3 was born again all siblings were present with a designated carer. This was at a private hospital. I had my own midwife. My DD who was 15 months and her brother hopped in and out of the birth pool during my labour.. My dd breastfed intermittently. The family memory of that birth is amongst the most precious of my life. Our daughter and sister still attatched to our cord being welcomed by 3 sets of eager, soft hands all with tears of amazement. It is beautiful and I weep as I type this!!!!

It is my firm belief that when children are well prepared, supporters are well prepared and the environment is conducive that siblings at birth is a very rich family experience.

Birth is something like death that we have put in the cupboard. As a society (and I believe this is slowly changing) we hide birth. We don't talk of the experience or share. The village has gone. The village where the neighbour would help with our births and children were present as par for course.

I understand it's not for everyone. But I always urge folk to explore the possiblility. When you deal with children honestly and you explain things to them and they have support and options if they are scared - birth almost always is positive for them.

I explained that I would "make some noise that helps the baby come out". We watched videos and they heard labouring women on visits to the hospy / birth centre. So, they knew. Each day toward the end I would make labouring noises and they would join in. It familiarised it... We watched some birth videos and we have the books previously mentioned which are beautiuful - my favourite is Hello Baby. Very very special.
I showed the kids photos of my previous births so they knew what I would look like, what my hoo haa would look like...

Try not to be put off by others opinions. My MIL said I would damage my childrens mental health and it would be a trauma. Far from it. My children really had no indicator of sibling rivalry after the births of siblings and I often wonder if it was because they were so involved in the process. They came to midwife meetings, helped to hear the baby on doppler, palpated my belly with the midwife. In all they were involved completely and loved it. If one of my kids chose not to be there that would be fine. I always give choice (not so much my DD4 at her sisters birth as she was so little). She waqs only 15-16 months but she looks at the photos and loves that she was there, that she was involved even though I don't know that she has conscious memory of it.

People are so quick to offer you the what if this scenario happens stories. Well, if things don't go quite to plan you have a support person to remove your child from the room. Birth, it's noises, smells and sights I believe are important for children to see. I have said this before but after DS was born his DD5 came home from preschool mortified that her friends mum had had a baby and he wasn't there! She didn't understand that it wasn't seen as "the norm".

In the end you do what YOU feel is best - I can only offer in my personal experiences it will be one of the most treasured memories of my life...

When this baby in my belly is born our whole family will again be gathered around the birthing pool with the candles going and this baby will be welcomed by four sets of sibling hands and teary sibling eyes...