Saram, I do understand what you mean about not wanting your son at your birth. The ideal situation for me would be for my mum to be there for Maya (DD) and if she became disruptive to my labour, my mum would take her outside for a walk or something. Thanks so much for your input.

MummaB, my thinking is exactly the same as yours. It is not all that important to me that DD is there for the whole labour. But I would like her to be there immediately so that she is one of the first people to see her little brother or sister.
I have already watched some birthing scenes with DD (waterbirths) and she was just really taken with the little babies coming out. The noises and stuff didn't bother her at all. Actually, she was quite disinterested in it.
I'm gonna have a look at the book you mentioned. It sounds great. My MW mentioned that she had some nice materials she could reccommend, too.

Good on you for tandem BFing your boys. I'm curious to see whether I will be. Another thing my mum is not supportive about: BFing beyond 6 months. But she just hs to accept that I have slightly different views to her. Although we are very similar in most situations...

Thanks, Saša