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Thread: support people

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    gold coast

    Default support people

    who did u have as ur support people/person?

    did u just have ur partner or other people as well?

    i have alwasy thought of having dh and my mum but after having a talk the other night we want it jsut dh and i. my mother assumes she is coming and she is the sort of person that if u tell no she will have a big sook and make me feel really bad till i give in.
    So i am thinkin that i will just not say anythign and then when i am in labor just tellin her then because then she wont have time to think of stuff to say to me.
    Does this sound mean?
    i have been through so many ways i coudl say it to her but no matter wat i say she will take it the wrong way. or do u think i should drop hints all the time about just me and dp and special bonding time and stuff like that.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    In my Zombie proof fortress.


    It would be a good idea to give her pre warning that she wont be there. If you tell her once you are in labour she may not take you seriously or just turn up anyway. a few BB'ers have stories of unwelcome support people. So best not to say you are in labour at all if you can get away with it. I think there is an article on the main site about this.

    If you are planning in breastfeeding you may want to use that as a reason for not having your mum there. That for the first hour or so after bubs is born that you will be the only one holding bubs due to the importance of bubs getting to know you and having that first feed without interference. So if she was there for the birth, she would not be allowed to hold for awhile, so isn't it better she turns up at the hospital when you are ready to share bubs. Just went to an ABA talk about this and was really interesting. More and more couples are keeping not only the first hour to themselves, but days and even weeks.

    Thankfully for me anyone wanting to be at the birth is interstate, so I don't have to upset people. I know my MIL would have waited outside the birthing suite if she had the chance. So happy that did not happen as I had an emergency c-section and that would have meant she would have held DD for hours before I did, that I would not have coped with at all. Last time it was just DH, this time it will be DH plus a trainee midwife

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jul 2007


    I didn't want my mum there either, and then both my mother & my grandmother were there!!!

    Whilst i fully understand your decision, there are some good reasons to have her there. Some people may disagree, but this is what i found helpful.

    - Rather than swearing and yelling at your partner, you can tell your mum to shut the hell up instead!! You won't feel as bad because you know she understands what you're going through.

    - It means there is a support person there for your partner. My mum was pretty much 'useless' to me (so to speak!), but Anthony couldn't have done it without her. Sometimes our partners are too busy worrying about us, and forget to look out for themselves, which is still important. It was good because mum made sure he was drinking and mum would give him a massage every now and then. It IS tough for them too - labour can be very long and while not in pain they're on their feet too (mine was anyway), and seeing you in pain is hard for them.

    - Mum was able to take some post birth pics for me, instead of missing out on them. Even better if you want pictures if your child crowning and making its way into the world. If you go au natural - i bet you'll want your partners hand in yours and you lose your photo opportunities. Means he can also enjoy the first moment after birth with you. And for instance - if he cuts the cord, you'll have someone to photograph that too.

    Mum & G'Ma, left within fifteen minutes. While Astrid does highlight a GREAT point about not sharing the baby straight away (don't do it!!!!! you need that time with the baby for yourself), you could just try to make it clear to your mum beforehand. That once that baby is born you would like her to leave.

    Mind you, i never wanted my mum there and never got around to telling her. She was at the hospital already when i was in labour and came to say hello, wish me luck etc, but as i never asked her to leave she stayed. And i was fine with that.

    Maybe try set some ground rules with your mum and "let her down slowly". Tell her, maybe she can come say hello but if you ask her to leave she does. Explain that you're uncomfortable with her seeing you that vulnerable. And if worse comes to worse, the hospital staff can get rid of her if she ends up there unwanted.

    If you decide not to change your mind... this article may offer some helpful suggestions.

    Saying 'No' to UInwanted Birth Support People

  4. #4


    My DH and I made the decision to have no-one else in the delivery suite for our first but we will have one of my sisters join us for the next one. We were in the delivery suite for 15 hours and DH was really tired and couldn't rub my back every contraction as he was trying to have a snooze in between. Hopefully next time it won't be so long but at least we will have someone else to takes turns to rub my back

    My sister just had her second baby and my mum was in town waiting for his arrival so they felt obliged to invite her to the delivery suite (she was in there for my other sister's two babies). My sisters fiance invited my mum so she knew he was in control and what he said goes. She tried it on a few times but soon realised that DP wasn't going anywhere.

    Maybe you could tell your mum that you just want DP in the delivery suite with you for your first time and you could invite her in for the next one. I had NO idea what giving birth was going to be like so was glad it was just me and DH.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Oct 2004


    My husband and my mum were there as my support people.

    Midwife was slightly evil (i got told to hurry up because someone else needs the room soon)... so I'm glad I had two people there.

    My waters broke at 1:30 am and I gave birth at 10:30am, so with no sleep, both of my support people were very tired as you can imagine. They both took power naps at different times while we were in the delivery suite. It was pretty intense for my husband, so i think it was good for mum to be there too.

    Personally, i'd mention beforehand what you want. So you dont have the added stress of having to deal with people who just show up uninvited.

    As i said, I had mum and DH there, and thats all i wanted. BUT I had uninvited people showing up and hanging around stealing my new baby time. Even though we arent TTC again and probably wont for some time, I already have planned exactly who I want there and who I dont want there.

  6. #6


    When I was pregnant with Nina, I told everyone it was just going to be DH in the room with me when I was in labour. When it come to the time though, I kept asking for my mum. I wanted my DH there as well, but my mum had been through this 3 times beforehand, she knew what I was going through, and I felt I just needed her there. Luckily she was in the waiting room.
    The 3rd stage of labour happened so quick that by the time I delivered Nina, not only was my DH and mum in the room, but so was my dad and MIL! They waited in the corner of the room. No-one held Nina when she was born except me. They left within minutes of her being born, except for my DH.
    I think you should leave your options open at this stage. Don't settle for not allowing your mum in just yet. You never know how you're going to feel until the time comes.

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