For those that had a drug free labour and birth

[Fi]

Gigi - Like the others say, and it sounds terrible, but this is all so normal for you to feel this way.
It does seem so unfair that after educating and preparing yourself so well that you didn't get the birth you wanted. It sometimes seems that the mums that have the c/s are the ones that weren't prepared for all this birthing stuff, hadn't done the reading, and just weren't committed to a natural birth.
Your experience shows very clearly how wrong that misconception is. There are soooooo many mums who wanted the ideal, and ended up with something they weren't happy with, and maybe when we seek the gold medal we are automatically setting ourselves up for failure.
I remember being angry with a couple of women in my circle that really didn't care much either way about what sort of birth they had, and they had an easy fast labour. It just happened, and they have no idea how lucky they are for achieving this so easily!
And then I hear of sooo many mums that have the heartbreak, just like what you have gone through (and I went through too), and it seems unfair.

I hope you get into a great mothers group. We all continue to have birth debriefs, and try to support each other through it. None of us really knew what we were getting ourselves in for, so we all have chatted many times about all of this, and its so good to get it all of your chest.

It took me quite a few days to write Jenna's birth story - and every time I did I was a blubbering mess. I couldn't go into my bathroom where I laboured by myself for what seemed forever, and I am getting a little nervous about potential back labour this time around. There are just some births that are traumatic.

But maybe dont concentrate on the birth - instead concentrate on the fact you grew Jacinta, she is your flesh and blood, and from here on in she will continue to amaze and astound you with every part of her. Gradually you will accept that her birthing process is part of your relationship, and when you think about what you went through to bring this life into the world, the bond will be the stronger for it.

Cry all you need to, but remember to smile as well, and slowly the bad stuff will disappear, and it will seem better.
Please chat to us whenever you need reminding that you are a star

[Julie Doula]

Hi Gigi, i was really moved by your birth story. Your beauty and your courage shines through. You had the most beautiful homebirth planned, it sounds so lovely. And one day, you will have a baby at home according to your hopes and desires and dreams. You tried so hard, you did everything you could, what a superb, valiant effort. Not long ago I spoke to a friend who had three wonderful, idyllic home births and then needed a c/s for the fourth baby. Like you, she has experienced the whole spectrum - the lovely, natural birth and the necessary high tech emergency birth. She did feel trauma and grief over the c/s experience, it it a lot to process and come to terms with. But her courage and sacrifice of love for her baby showed the courage and strength of her mother's heart & mother's love as much as her natural births, if not more. I was really challenged by her story, because I have not been tested in that way, I haven't had to walk through that kind of experience with the kind of courage and loving sacrifice both my friend and you have done. I can only hope, that if I have a fourth child, and my hopes were dashed and one of those complications that are rare but do happen, actually happened to me, I will remember you Gigi, and my beautiful friend, and hope that I can get through it with the kind of grace and courage you did. I guess what I am trying to say is that your story is an awesome example that inpsires me, and it is such an important part of our collective women's wisdom and i just want to thank you and bless you Gigi. I am so glad that your baby Jacinta is OK, you both did an amazing job, and I hope that peace and healing comes to you. That is so special that you were able to have your skin-to-skin and early breast-feeding, after all you and your body had been through, that is huge. I am happy for you that the midwives were so sensitive in supporting this part of your birth experience. I know you have heaps to grieve, but you also have so much to be proud of. One day, all the hard work and preparation you did for this birth, that held unexpected challenges and curve balls for you, will pay off in your next birth. Nothing will be wasted.
God bless you, and your baby, and your future babies.

[Freya]

I went drug free (I had gas for about 15 min dialating from 7cm to 10cm) and it did nothing for the pain just gave me a distraction. The midwives turned it off without telling me just before I started pushing.
I just kept a positive outlook about it. Whatever happens happens but I aimed for a natural, positive labour and delivery. Its a completely natural thing to do and I trusted my body to do it. I was induced at 39+6 due to pre eclampsia and had a 3 hour drug free labour and delivery with no tears, with my first baby!
Good luck!

[Rainbows_]

I have to say even though i had a horrible experience being induced i actually hated the epidural as i could not feel what my bidy wanted to tell me. That made me feel like i was not incontrol at all. I loved the pethadine injections when the labour was progressing slowly and i needed to relax a bit, i hated having my waters poped artificially and overal i actually like the gas and air but i had a little too much i think!! I actually overdosed on the stuff as when i finally had my baby by c-section i was in quite a hazzey state, it toook me 20mins to fullly be alert again.

If i were to have a viginal birth i would not have an epi, i would take 1 pethedine injection and i would control the gas and air i took. Being incontrol of your body is much better than not knowing what the heck is going on

[paradise lost]

Hi,

Gigi i just wanted to send you my good thoughts and congratulations on birthing your daughter.

I had a natural homebirth and i know how difficult it can be to decide to try for, and to plan for and arrange that kind of birth. I know the learning involved, the way some people react when you tell them your plans, the problems you can face within the medical community and the general stress it can put on you. You were not only strong enough to make those decisions but to deal with it when fate took your choices away from you. Not only did you strive for what you believed was best, you continued to fight for your child when your plan was snatched from you.

You experienced a LONG labour - you DID it, that circumstances conspired against you delivering is neither here nor there. YOU laboured for your child. My GOD woman! 29 HOURS!

When you had to, at a time when i was pretty much unwilling to do anything but moo, you showed the greatest strength a mother can have, flexibility, and let go of everything you'd planned because you loved your unborn child and wanted what was best for her, and went to hospital.

In hospital you braved the touch of strangers and intervention you hadn't wanted in order that your child could have a chance.

You underwent surgery for your baby's life. In delivering her you relinquished EVERYTHING to save her life AND YOU DID.

A mother is not a person who produces her baby from her vagina, a mother is a woman who will endure anything, face anything, change everything, for the good of her baby. You're more a mother than i was at my baby's birth - i got the birth my way and my sacrifices all came later on.

On top of the incredible trauma your experience must have caused, you continued to be a wonderful mother, fighting to feed her and let her know you were there for her with skin to skin.

I am a single mother Gigi and i am in AWE of you.

Love

Hana

[Gigi]

thank you for your kind thoughts, i feel i have to be brave and smile thru clenched teeth with many people, it is nice to know i can be R E A L here and really feel listened to. Thank you all so much, your words mean alot to me.

Gigi
xxx

[lyric]

Gigi, I am new here, but I wanted to tell you how much your story moved me. What a warrior your daughter has for a mother. You fought for her every step of the way, you prepared yourself and gave her all your wonderful labour hormones. Then, when she really needed you to go against everything you wanted so that you could keep her safe, you did. And you continued to fight for her when you must have been completely traumatised after such a difficult experience. You are amazing.

Rage and cry and feel as much anger as you need to. It is your right, and no-one should be trying to sweep your feelings under the carpet.

Lyric

[Fraser]

Hey there - I went into the labour without any preconceived ideas of what I was going to do - I was going to take it as it came - too many of my friends had 'disappointing labours' because they placed expectations on themselves - there are so many reason to not have drugs and many reasons to have drugs.

I went drug free - but not for lack of wanting!! I wasn't expected to give birth until around 1pm (guesstimation on my OBs part) so when they did an internal at 6am and I was fully dilated it was a HUGE surprise - and I was a little freaked out that my choice to take drugs was taken away from me! but like many others have said - your body is designed for this and you can do it. For me my midwife told me to make very low sounds using my diaphragm instead of high pitched ones using my lungs - she said this would work for me instead of against me.

I must have sounded like a cave woman because I groaned and 'hhmmmmm'ed my way through every contraction after that - I relaxed every muscle in my body and just let it happen. A sense of humour is vital! I think someone mentioned this earlier - if I didn't laugh my way through most of it I would have cried my way through it! don't be misled it's a very very hard and painful thing to do - but you can definitley do it

I was lucky I had a couple of really great midwives and an OB that just happened to turn up a moment before the birth! the midwife who was with me in the later stages made me talk to her and tell her what I was feeling and when I said I think I need to push - she said 'well you're the one who would know - jump up onto the bed when you're ready' - I felt really relaxed with the staff - but that's not to say I didn't have my 'arrrggghhh I can't do this' moments!

I think you have to not place any expectations on yourself or the labour process - either way if you have drugs or not it is an amazing achievement to give birth, whether it by vaginal or by C section.

Good luck and go with the flow!

[SSmiles]

Wow, interesting thread!

I had planned to have all the drugs possible if I wanted/needed them but in the end I didn't have anything except gas. I was fully dialated when I got to the hospital and they said I didn't have time for any drugs because I was about to give birth...only after 3 hours of pushing I still didn't have my baby and I was in so much pain... I have no idea how I did it, but I managed without any drugs! I didn't do any preparing for it...although I did yoga maybe 5 times during the preganancy and I tried to sleep as much as possible before giving birth.

Believe me, at the time of giving birth, you don't even think about what you did to prepare...everything goes out the window and you just go with what works/feels 'best'.

[BellyBelly]

I think the majority of the time it depends what you did to prepare and how long you spent preparing (with the right materials!). Your mother teaches you how to make your bed, but not how to give birth (and wouldnt that be scary if they did teach us!). It's just not something we pass down to each other anymore, in a constructive way - all scare tactics these days!

People doing certain things like with the Pink Kit, have reported great outcomes using the techniques where there were problems they wouldnt have otherwise known how to overcome. Midwives in hospitals can't do it for you, you can't rely on them bailing you out! I have never been in a birth where mum has has a posterior baby, and a midwife has suggested things to help that baby move. They just don't have time to be with you and some have admitted they hadn't heard of the things I was suggesting. I have even shown them diagrams in books!!!

I think there are two things, wanting a natural birth, and working out what you need to do to get that. Nothing goes to plan 100% of the time, yes, but knowledge can be the difference between are great experience and a disempowered one. I have had clients disappointed because their body just didn't 'do it' like the expected, but you have to prepare, not just with hospital classes!!!

[blackbird]

I really wanted a natural birth and had read Sheila Kitzinger, Active Birth and done a lot of relaxation/hypnotherapy. I hadn't gone into labour by 42 weeks and was convinced to start the process with gel as nothing else had worked. Only an hour later my contractions were 2 mins apart - I hadn't even got my tens machine on yet as it wasn't supposed to work so fast! Over the next 15 hours of intense labour with no rests, I used the tens, breathing (creating an almost trance-like state), heat and sheer determination. By this stage I had been fully dilated for some time and trying to push but DS's head was bigger than the cervix. Luckily he was not in any distress but after another 2 hours waiting for the epidural for the c/section I had had more than enough! At least the contractions slowed down and learnt how to resist the pushing urge.

The midwives were incredibly supportive of my wish not to have drugs and didn't offer them at any stage. After Angus was born, they gave me lots of positive feedback about how much of what I had wanted had been achieved, including how valuable it would be for next time to have done all that labouring and to have fully dilated. I didn't feel too disappointed about having the c/s as I knew I had done all I could and that it was necessary for DS's sake (and mine).

[Fi]

Blackbird - I have to agree with them on the next time thing. I fully dialated and needed help with forceps for Jenna. With Hamish he was pushed out in 2 contractions. It was unreal!! Second time is very different - well at least it was for me.

[angel_eyes]

I think it does have a lot to do with the mind and believing you can do it.

I had gas only for about 8 hours of my 31 hour labour, then had an emergency c-section.

I would've gone all the way if I could without drugs.

[Gigi]

i went into it with all the positivity in the world

started labour spontaneously at 42 weeks

i laboured at home in water for 29 hours with absolutely no pain relief, not even a dispirin, doppler showed perfect heartbeat for baby

some rare condition, something with "bands" in the name, happened to my uterus.
(the equivalent of the uterus muscles acting like a boa constrictor around the baby)

i could have laboured for a week, and my dilation and contractions were never going to progress to a stage where a baby could be born

so

• an ambulance ride,
• offered a c-section,
• told them, do everything else possible to avoid c-section first
• six hours of medical intervention in the labour ward,
• and then finally having to admit defeat (too dangerous for baby to continue and we were'nt getting any more dilation and contractions were still inconsistent)
• and submit to an emergency c-section with complications

- my natural birth was a distant memory.

i am so crushed

i never thought i would have some goddamm rare condition happen to me in labour, i just wanted to have a boring normal average delivery.

[mumofbundlezofjoy]

Kelly in a way my mum did teach me how to birth LOL

SUPPORT
KNOWLEDGE
are the most important thing to a "successful" birth experience in my opinion.
first bubs was a PRM at 33 weeks, and then a syntocin dript o get them out asap - a bit of gas for me but nothing else, laboured about 3 hrs til they delivered had DH and Mum ( who is a midwife ) as support and sis.
Third ended up and emerg csec, after 2 hrs of fast progressing labour at 36 weeks after PRM ( I highly recommend birthrites in particular for debrief over a csec Gigi ) spinal block etc
Fourth was a vbac, full term ARM, 13 hrs of HARD labour, shoulder distocia and a 4625gm bub - no drugs at all ( 2nd degree tear ) again Mum and DH as support and midwives who cheered !!!!

I also found swaying with my music ( what I mainly focused on )

Gigi I feel sad about so much of your story, you need to grieve for the experience you worked towards, and what you lost ( esp control)
One of the silliest things I am sad about with #3's birth is there wasnt music to tell her about. The kids and I listen to music, and I say " I laboured to this music with you when you were born" I dont have that for her. Silly hey.