Were you scared beforehand and how did you remedy that?

[Jakabella]

*Raises Hand*
I am scared out of my mind!! The other day was so much so that if my Ob had have rung and said you need a C sect then I would have signed there and then...

Im not scared of a c-sect - I actually enjoyed mine - it was nice and I was up and about in 2 days and driving again after 3 weeks... bounced back very well with no pain at all apart from the initial 2 days.

I scared that I will loose my nerve and take "the EASY way out" so to speak and opt for drugs and start the whole Cascade of Intervention again as happened last time...

I have a little affermation that I say to myself daily " I will have a short natural Birth" I say it a billion times a day! Just hope it works!!

[Arcadia]

I have some fear, but I can't name why exactly. I mentioned this to my midwife and she said 'of course you're scared...birth is huge'. So after that I feel accepting that fear is part of the process. The contractions don't scare me at all, it's the ring of fire stage that really rattled me with dd...I honestly thought I was tearing in two...but she came very quickly and with her hands at her face, so I think that impacted it.

Anita diamond wrote a great poem in 'the red tent' about fear in labour...I will try and find it for you.

[thepixie]

When I was actually in labour I didn't really think too much about all the things I had been so scared of ... I was just in the moment and handled each contraction as best I could (strapped to the monitor and stuck on the bed). I did think it would take longer than it did, so that was a bonus. There was one point when I was about halfway through the second stage when I was wishing for a c/section (the thought that crossed my min was just get this baby out of me!) but I was lucid enough to know that it was quicker to just push her out myself by that stage so I just got on with it.

[Aligater]

I wasnt scared of labour but all through the pregnacy I was scared of not taking a baby home that she would die during labour

[Arimeh]

Anita diamond wrote a great poem in 'the red tent' about fear in labour...I will try and find it for you.

I would love to read that if you are able to find it.

Thanks for everyone for sharing, its sooo much better to know that you share a common fear with other people instead of feeling all alone!

[Fleur]

I was scared with all my first three.

DD1... I was young & didn't know then what I do now... if I had been offered a CS then, I would have taken it. But I had no choice, so I just did it.
When I fell PG with DS1 I had kind of forgotten what the pain was like until about halfway through when (TMI) I got a bit constipated & the pain brought it all back... but again, I had no choice.
With DS2 I was scared for different reasons.
And with Pie, I was a bit nervous... but I was more focused on other things, and I was confident I could deal with the pain ok, I'd done it before.

Also, by the time they all came to be born I was so over being pregnant that I didn't care about any pain... I figured i could deal with it, as long as they were out!

And the second & subsequent labours were easier to deal with just because I wasn't taken by surprise. In a way, knowing what I was in for made it easier, when it did happen I could just let it be rather than fighting it if that makes sense? And each time, I told myself 'I got through x hours of this last time, I can do it again'

and I'm probably concerned as to how I will manage the contractions, cos I want to do better than I did last time, cos I don't think the screaming and wailing were really helping me then...... lol

I don't know.. I mean, I guess you would know, if it was helping or not but for me, making noise seems to be my thing... I love the idea of a peaceful, zen birth but that's just not how it's happened for me. Making a lot of noise gives me something to focus on & funnel the pain into ITMS.

[ree]

ive been pretty lucky with the births of my babies

i have a massive fear of the epidurals cause i dont want a needle near my spine and tearing so when i had my DD at 19 all i could think was dont tear dont tear (luckily i didnt) then i cried for the epidural and was told no cause it was to late which in the end i was stoked about

with my ds i was more worried about what he was going to be like after birth cause i went into labour at 23wks my waters broke everyday and i haemoraged everyday til i had him at 30wks after 7 false labours in that time i just wanted him healthy at 30wks woke up to go to the toilet and felt his head told the nurse i was in labour and she laughed and told me to pull my head in i wasnt that she would get the CTG machine i had him after 25mins she walked in and crapped herself cause i had had him by then i had pushed the emergency button and all the other nurses come in in shock

with my dd i was so excited to have her i dont know why i was pumped and ready i sat there and read a magazine til it was time to push i had a lil tear but didnt need a stitch i was mega chuffed cause she was 8lb 4oz and had a head of 37cm and i had done it i was induced with her

with this lil man im excited but a bit worried as ive put on over 30kgs and am sstressing he is going to be 10lb lol but after last DD anything under 37cm head im sure i will be right

[Sagres]

Yes I was very scared when I was pregnant. It was strange because that isn't really typical for me and the way I deal with things, so it was a bit uncharted territory for me. What helped me was finding out more about labour and how things go and what options I would have. That and telling myself that in reality I am a pretty tough chick and I can grit my teeth and do a lot of other really hard things so there was no reason why this would be any different.
But even after that I was still pooping myself. That was for a first labour though, so a bit of a different situation yeah?
Once I got into the thick of labour I didn't feel scared, I guess the job at hand was all consuming and didn't leave much head space for fear?

Sorry, not sure if I am being very helpful but I think it is something that not everyone will admit to, and I think it is useful when people are open about these things, so I am trying to be that person who is honest about feeling scared.

[Babyluv]

Yes I was scared, even when my waters broke in the morning I was scared, scared of what the doctors would do to me & terrified of losing my baby.
When the CX started I just focused on breathing through them. Lasted at home for a long time, was in hospy 4 hrs before she was born. I was lucky I got a natural birth, small tear with 2 stitches. Yes it's painful but it's so worth it & not scary, I'm amazed at how my body just new what to do, it's all about controlling your mind, not letting fear take over!

[Twin Sister]

With my first pregnancy I was petrified about labour. I was afraid of the pain and didn't know how I would get through it. I just kept telling myself though that it would be over soon enough and that I would get through it and soon would be looking back on it wondering why I had been scared. Once the contactions started all my fear disappeared and where replaced by excitement that the baby was on it's way and I would finally get to meet him/her. I did NOT want an epidural but after 36 hours of labour pains I was only 2 cm dilated and exhausted and gave in to it with great relief.
With my second pregnancy it was the same. I was scared in those final few weeks of the pain again (DS labour was very long and difficult)to the point where I felt sick with anxiety. Again though once those first few labour pains kicked in the fear disappeared and I got excited that the baby was coming (and my long tough pregnancy was finally at an end). DD came fast and there was no time for any meds. I was screaming my head off but I made it through and now I can't believe that was 5 months ago already.
You will make it through too, just keep in mind the end result, that tiny little baby that's waiting to meet you

[Crystalwings]

I definately feel more scared the second time round as my first birth was traumatic and i guess i'm carrying alot of stuff from that. I 'don't remember feeling all that scared with DD, just trusted my body would know what to do but it didn't co-operate and i had a posterier baby which is notoriously painful and traumatic. Now i'm scared of having a 50hr labour again only to end up with an epidural forced upon me and a forceps delivery. I am also scared of what the ring of fire will feel like but the thing i'm scared the most about is PPH again as it triggered anxiety issues for me and i felt like crap for weeks. I'm also super scared of tearing after having an episiotomy last time and that my varicose veins 'down yonder' will burst though i've been assured this won't happen.

[sasha]

I'm not sure I'm scared... I'm not looking forward to it, though. It hurts, and I think it will be quick, so I'm a bit worried about having really full on contractions, and of tearing. And also of having the baby at home, or in the car on the way there.

I'm more scared that something will be wrong with the baby.

I'm looking forward to it being over and just having her on the outside, because I won't worry any less about her, but at least I'll be able to see her

[ShootingStar]

Yep.. with all 3. Was scared with my first because of the unknown. Was scared with subsequential labours because of what happen with my first labour now knowing how much labour hurts.

With DS i guess i just "sucked it up".. didnt so much get past it before the labour, but just knew i had to go through it, there was no way around it.

With DD.. was scared of the pain and if id need another episiotomy like i did with DS and if my recovery would be as long as it was with DS (3+months). I guess in labour i got through it by having an epidural.. something i was too scared to have with DS.

This baby.. i am scared of labour still. Its the pain that scares me the most... I really dont want to have to go through it but i have no choice. However i have no hesitation this time to get an epidural once the pain gets unbearable. But still it scares me. I think another thing that scares me is DD's labour was longer than DS's.. so im also scared that this one will be longer again still. I just cant wait for it to be over with. I just get through this time before, by not thinking about it..

[Just Me]

I'm scared.

I want a VBAC this time and have discussed it with the doctor who wants to wait and see. I am petrified of the pain of another c/section but I am scared of the risks the doctor outlined to me for a VBAC. I know they are minimal and I shouldn't be scared and I have read a lot, but this is my body, this is my baby. At the end of the day the consequences are mine and mine alone. If it doesn't work out and my baby dies, I am scared of that. I have to live with my choices for the rest of my life. I don't want to be reasoned out of it, I think I just need to think about it for a little while.

Due to my last experience, it scares me to death to have to recover from a c/section in hospital. I don't want to be dependent on anyone else because last time, the midwife I had completely disregarded me and my pain. It scares me to have to depend on someone to care for me when they clearly don't.

I am also petrified of a VB. I have done it twice before and I don't want to do it again. I don't like pain, in fact, I downright hate it but it doesn't scare me. It scares me to be entirely at the mercy of whatever midwife is working at the time of the birth. The two VB's that I have had have been about what they want for me, not what I want for myself. They didn't seem to understand that I had been labouring for a very long by the time I went to the hospital - my labour was 39 hours long before I asked for an epidural because I was just so tired, I couldn't keep going. The midwives decided that I just needed my waters broken and wouldn't get me an epidural until a couple of hours later and even then they stalled the person that came to do it because they didn't think I needed it and wanted me to do it without. It was about them and not what I wanted.

With DS I told the midwife I felt the need to push within an hour and a half of my waters breaking. She just laughed at me and told me I didn't. After an hour and a half of panting through contractions, I was given an epidural to help me not want to push. Over the next 2 - 3 hours, DS made his own way down the birth canal and came out in one push (they went to do a VE - the first one since I went into labour - to see where he was at and his head was pretty much out). They didn't listen to me. They just laughed at me.

I hate that I am kind of aware of what is going on in my own body and what it is that I want/need but it becomes about them. I feel so helpless and so dependent and there is nothing that I can do. I tried being more aggressive with them with DS but I don't think it got me very far. They still weren't actually listening to me. I hate being treated like I don't know my body and they are the 'experts'. I wish they would listen and do what I ask -if I want pain relief, I don't want to beg for it. If I don't want it, I don't want it forced on me. It scares me to have so little control of what is going on.

I am not sure I have overcome any of these things. I have serious trust issues with the people providing my care but due to me being a high risk pregnancy, I have very few options about my care. I feel really stuck between a rock and a hardplace.

I am dealing with it by praying for a fast labour and birth where I don't have to see any of them and it all happens before I can worry too much. Birthing at home by myself while looking after 3 kids, doesn't scare me nearly as much as having to have midwives that just don't care.

[angelaartsstudent]

Agreed. It's more the potentially nonchalant staff that scare me, rather than the pain or my ability.

[fionas]

I was scared in my first pregnancy until I read a book by Juju Sundin, then I felt quite confident. However I had a long labour and ended up pushing for almost three hours which basically crippled me for a long time afterwards because it severely exacerbated the SPD I'd had in pregnancy.

So second time around, I was scared of exactly the same happening - not scared of labour as such but scared that it would take me so long to recover again (18 months before I could actually go for a decent walk) so opted for a c-section. Best thing I ever did.

[Laranna]

Yep, I was scared during my pregnancy with DD. I had committed to the VBAC and there were times whe I thought, I could just book in a repeat c/s. For me, it was the fear of the unknown, even though I read books and birth stories and listened to a hypnobirthing CD. Actually, that's what helped me I think, the hypno cd. With the c/s I already knew the procedures, as I'd been through it. With a VBAC, there was the whole unknown and potential risks.

Now, if I was pregnant again I think my fear (trying to squash it as I don't need to think about it yet) would lie around the transition pain and tearing again.

[thepixie]

As for how I remedied the fear I guess the answer is I didn't. That might be something to do with why I went so far overdue. It wasn't just fear of labour either, I was scared because everything was going to change. I kind of realised that when I was having acupuncture at 41+5. It just hit me that I had to allow things to change. With labour I just had to accept that I was afraid, but it was going to happen anyway. And Juju helped too.