What did you wish you knew about Labour and those first few days with baby?

[Stevie]

i wish (like most of these ladies) that i was more prepared for the breastfeeding, and like someone else has said, i know now that it does get easier but boy i hated hearing it.

i wish that id been more prepared for the baby blues, i was one of those women that was convinced that it wouldnt happen to me, im pretty easy going and optomistic about most things so why would this be different? but i really think that the issues that i was having bfing contributed to that. that and i wasn really prepared for when baby comes home iykwim? i hadnt really thought past getting her out and hospital if id known that i wouldve been doing most of the work on my own (DH was useless.. as much as he tried not to be)

[Mummato2]

I was so focused on the actual birth that I didn't mentally prepare for the sleep deprivation or plan for things like breastfeeding etc.

This time around, I have definitely focused on the birth, but have gotten help from the ABA and my midwife to assist with breastfeeding and supply prior to the birth.

I've also asked my mum to stay for a month or so - so that I can just concentrate on feeding and sleeping with my DD while my DS has my mum to entertain him.

So I guess my advice would be not to get hung up on the birth - it's one day, but start to prepare for after bub comes home.

For me, the baby blues were HUGE and I really didn't think I'd get them. Breastfeeding was way more difficult than I thought and I had no support, so with Coops I lasted one week

[Curly]

I wish I'd used the shower for pain relief the first time around.

I wish I'd done a bit more research on what my body was doing during labour and concentrating on my breathing.

I wish I'd known that getting an epidural meant I had a 50% chance of vacuum or forceps birth.

I wish I'd known that when I was getting to the point where I was thinking "I can't handle this anymore" that I didn't actually have much longer to go.

I wish I'd spent more time cuddling skin to skin, sniffing him and gazing at him rather than getting him into a routine. I wish I'd been more prepared to go with the flow.

And I wish I'd had more healthy food in the freezer ready to heat and eat for dinner!

[Tiff+2]

Plenty of people have said it, now it my turn ... I really wish I knew that breastfeeding wasn't as easy as a boob and a mouth! Maybe for some it is, but not for me! I was told 'natural instinct takes over' blah blah blah. Thinking like that made me feel like a complete failure when I had trouble getting DD to attch and it was so painful that I really didn't enjoy it for the first few weeks which made me feel even worse. I cried to my mum one day (she was here staying with me until BF was established and I felt confident with it all. I have the best mummy!) that I dreaded feeding her which made me a bad mother. She has a no nonsence attitude, just told me I didn't dread feeding my baby, I hated the pain, everyone hates pain and was not a bad mother, so put the baby on the boob and get on with it!!!

Also I really wish I had prepared myself for the possiblity of tearing. I am the kind of person that really has to get my head prepared for different situations and although it was mentioned in our antenatel classes that there was a possiblity, they mainly linked it to women pushing before they're fully dilated so it was kind of one of the last things I expected, especially a 3rd deg tear! I found it quite disheartening having to have DH there to pull down my underwear so I could go to the toilet or dress/ undress to shower as I could not bend completely and I couldn't stand up complete straight either. Not something that had even crossed my mind previously!

Anyways thats me done!!!

[2CheekyMonkeys]

birth- not to be so scared and work with the pain (like someone else said). wish i had done more mental preperation before hand etc, yoga, massage, accupuncture etc. (and also watched what i was eating a bit more) and kept up some form of exercise.

Baby- i wish i had thrown away all the baby manuals listing milestones and characteristics of babies week to week! i wish i didnt feel guilty for co-sleeping and breastfeeding to sleep cause they were the only ways any of us could cope, yet it wasnt what 'normal' babies do! i wish i had stopped watching the clock and recording feeding times and sleeping times etc and just gone with the flow more often. wish i had stopped comparing my baby to other peoples babies.

[littlebear]

It's been a while since anyone's posted in here but I thought I'd share my experience...

Labour: I wish I'd known that it can't always go to plan. I wanted a really natural birth with no drugs, and possibly even in the bath. But, i went overdue, got induced and had to have a c-section (pelvis too small for bubs head). My advice is even though it's a really scary thought, don't count on having it the way you want it. Read about everything that can happen, because I had no idea what was happening to me.

Baby: Have confidence in yourself, trust your instincts! I could tell something was wrong with DS around 3 weeks before he started showing symptoms and then within a week he started screaming from reflux. And don't stress if you can't tell which cries mean what instantly, or you feel like you don't know what you're doing. Give yourself time and you will learn.

[Bathsheba]

Labour: I wish I had not just left everything up to the medical staff believing they knew best. I wish i had done a little bit more research. My pain threshold was not as high as I thought it was. I wish someone had told me that labour was more like doing a marathon run than trying to push out a watermelon (I had looong labours)... the pushing part was not the hard bit... it was getting there in a positive mindset!

After: I wish i had known about the importance of a Babymoon... i hadn't even heard of that phrase. I wish I hadn't feel pressured to go out to a New Year's Eve party one week after giving birth. I should have babymooned for at least a month!!! I learnt this by the time I had my second and third

[Party-of-five]

I was 18 when i had DS...I knew nothing about labour...I wish some one told me about the feeling of needing a huge poo!!
And its ok to stay in your pjs all day when you have a newborn

[kungfubecca]

Labour: I was very happy with the first time, and felt about right, second time, I wish I hadn't known what to expect, I probably would have been more relaxed. I was more nervouse the second time round!!!

After Birth:
I turned to my hubby and said what do I do with this now?

I felt the immense loss as well, but didn't connect it to a change in relationship with my partner, I felt more like I was mourning my baby bump. thoughts of will I ever get to experience that again, coupled with the overwhelming of what to do with the bubs, 'cause it was easier when it was on the inside. I felt better equiped to deal with this with #2 and have only cried at a moment of sheer exhaustion where the 2yo was really crawling under every inch of my skin and I needed some me time.

with number 2 I didn't expect the after pains to be as bad as they where

Shades: I wish you has slaped the night shift midcow, it kind of feels like your being targeted when it's first bub, and am right there with you on the wrapping. Everyone tries to tell me babies love being wraped, they just don't know it, Like hell, My babies love their hands. #1 we stoped wrapping at 3 months. #2 stoped wrapping arms at 3 days! still wrap under arms for warmth, but she does not like being restrained, and even gets very upset with mittens!

Pish: it would be nice if they menitoned some of us are smaller and don't have as much stretch so we tear. There was no more room available with me, my babies were coming out if I pushed or not, so i couldn't avoid the tear, without a lot of prep, but then i didn't learn the second time round.

Hollo I wish I had done more yoga etc before #2 my body felt it more, definetly work on the bod before i go back again.

[Vixstar]

1) I wish, even though I ended up having c-sections, that during my antenatal classes, they had taken the time, esp for first timers like i was, to explain the possibility of a c-section. Don't get me wrong, the classes were brilliant but kinda made me live in a world of expecting to have a natural birth. My gf lives almost the same story to tell that we both now feel like failures and get quite upset when we hear people 'just gave birth naturally'. (both had the same OBGYN, same hospy etc) After my first c-section I was in so much shock I never bonded with my truely amazing and gorgeous little boy and i beelive that led me down the path to PND. I felt I had failed from the moment we had a c-section.

Make sense!?

2 - Not be afraid to admit that you need help with things, and to seek help where you can, like with breastfeeding and the baby, that it is OK to bug the nurses and midwives in hospital. Pepper them with questions, and seek help when you can. But to also realise that sometimes their advice is not the be all and end all, and to ask the nurse on the next shift for a different perspective if you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going.

I could not agree more.

With DS#1...I felt / thought that because I was a woman, had been pregnant and had a bbay that I should know what to do and basically never asked a question for the whole 7 nights I was in hospital.

With DS#2...I buzzed them for everything, even to adjust my bed! I was making up for it! DS#2 was a darn noisy sleeper and had this squeak which drove me batty so he slept at the nurses station every night! I was the BOSS!!!

I also asked question about bf, even though I bf DS#1. I asked them because i felt I couldn't the first time and wanted to 'make peace within myself' iykwim.

xxxx

[Roryrory]

Labour - That I had a really high pain threshhold, a body that does birth well, and that there was nothing for me personally to be afraid of. Looking back, I am amazed that I got though the first birth the way I did. I was over 30, a professional career woman, first birth, posterior presentation, in a private hospital with an OB who made me push lying on my back, (which statistically should have lined me up for a c-section!). I ended up with a relatively drug-free birth (gas doesn't count when you are 9cm gone I say!), no forceps or vacuum but with an episiotomy. And I felt fabulous afterwards. The second was even better, with midwives at a birth centre and absolutely no intervention. I am so relaxed about the concept of birth a third time that I am having a this one at home(though privately I think maybe I am too relaxed sometimes?)

First days with a baby - That even though I had read EVERYTHING I could find on childcare and breastfeeding, had meals in the freezer ready to go, found breastfeeding to be really easy, everything went right, etc - it is still really a HUGE adjustment having a child. The simplest things can be insurmountable in those first few weeks. I had an "easy time" and an "easy baby" (early motherhood was like a Huggies commercial for me) but I still found it taxing - I can only imagine what it would be like to have the cards stacked against you.

[Rowellen]

Labour - breathing techniques for pain relief. I struggled at home but as soon as the midwife at the hospital talked me through it, it became soooo much more bearable, to the point where I had a drug free birth. Had I known beforehand, I could have stayed home a lot longer.

After birth - settling techniques. On the last day of the hospital we were shown "happiest baby on the block" and that made a huge difference. Not that it all worked, DS refused to stop crying unless he was held upright - no side or stomach for him.

[HotI]

Shades: I wish you has slaped the night shift midcow, it kind of feels like your being targeted when it's first bub, and am right there with you on the wrapping. Everyone tries to tell me babies love being wraped, they just don't know it, Like hell, My babies love their hands. #1 we stoped wrapping at 3 months. #2 stoped wrapping arms at 3 days! still wrap under arms for warmth, but she does not like being restrained, and even gets very upset with mittens!

It's nice to read this. My little one wants her arms out, and we decided to stop wrapping them in because she always gets them out, and she is so frustrated until she does!

[Plinky]

Labour - didn't really get to experience it as had emergency c/s.

Baby - where do I start??!!

I wish I cuddled him more in hospital, I guess I was scared and didn't really hold him unless I was feeding him.

I wish I had more consistent advice and closer monitoring when it came to breastfeeding - got such conflicting advice, they all said attachment was ok, which I'm now sure it wasn't. I blame the m/w for me only lasting 2 weeks BF.

I wish I spent more time preparing for life with a baby, rather than the birth.

I agree with sloane - I felt real grief about my relationship with DH, about our 'old lives'. It took a long time for me to adjust to my new life. And with the feeling of being overwhelmed - big time!

I wish I was warned that the baby blues can last more than a couple of days,I believe I had it for the first couple of months! I'd cry to DH about how I missed our old lives nearly every day. I got really clingy to my DH too, just telling him I love him a million times and not wanting him to leave me on my own.

Oh, and I WISH I had prepared meals and frozen them. Honestly, this would have been the best advice. I found it so hard to get the energy to make dinner and try to eat healthy.

[turtleschell]

I wish I knew to hold the baby a lot, instead of letting her just sleep in her cot all the time. See I thought if she slept in my arms this would 'spoil her' or create a habit.. I wish I knew that newborns don't know the difference!!

I wish I knew about gentle parenting! (Everyone I know seems to love strict routines and controlled crying, and I hadn't heard of anything else)

[AngelPants]

i havnt got to havin our bubs yet but so far the best thing ive been told (by my MIL midwife) is to make a list of the things that need doing as you think of them so that when u get the chance to ask for help or someone offers you dont need to sit down and think about it cos with everything else thats happening you wont be able to think of anything, so the help is pretty much useless.

[Nettie]

My wish for both was to learn to RELAX! I learned it during the labour (it made the contractions about 1/4 of the pain!) and if I'd relaxed more when he was a newborn, I think I would have enjoyed it more. Most of the time I felt like I was on a speeding train and couldn't wait for it to stop

I wish I'd known how much stuff I'd have to do one-handed... and I wish I knew how to do it all that way! (It's even too hard to make a cuppa or change a DVD..) Then we got a sling Wish I'd had THAT sooner too!

[alioops]

For Labour, I wish I had known what transition was like without an internal. I remember saying I wanted to go home and being told that I was doing fine. I just wanted to curl up in my bed to make it all go away. DD1 was born not too long after.

Baby: I wish I had known that I didn't have to have a routine or teach her to sleep. I wish I had known about safe co sleeping and that not all babies liked being wrapped (another non wrapper here, she screamed, and a MCHN tried to tell me they all liked wrapping - Poppyc0ck) And I wish I had taken the advice to sleep as much as possible.