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Thread: Who are you having in the delivery room?

  1. #19

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    I WAS suppose to have a student midwife present with my DH. However, I have found that she is not all that supportive of my emotions, wishes and beliefes and therefore am wondering if she will be able to help me make the right decisions during my labour. I started to get really stressed about it so my DH and I have decided that it will just be us. I want people who will support ME and who I don't have to worry about. I want a safe environment (physically, mentally and emotionally) and I know my DH can provide that. I would never even contemplate having any of the family (either side) present. The only person I would want there other than my DH is my BF or another very very close friend and that would be in lieu of DH if he was away or something.



    Stick to what you want and need - it is your experience and you know what you need and who is best equipped to provide you with that.

    MG

  2. #20

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    You're not selfish at all!! In fact I think it's your family being super selfish!!

    With Louis I had my Dh as well as my Mum. My mum basically took a back seat to dh though which was just perfect. She was there when I needed but otherwise dh was there for everything! Luckily we had lots of quiet time after Louis was born which was nice and then family started coming in but I had at least had a shower by then!!

    This time around I will have dh and I've asked in his Mum. She had all boys and I don't think will ever get to experience someone else giving birth so I thought it would be a nice gift to her. Again, dh will be my main support person and she will just be there as such...

    You need to do whatever your comfortable with and tell your family to respect you and your family's wishes!
    Good Luck!!

  3. #21

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    I think you have to do what YOU want to do.

    Im in two minds with what i want, but i do have some time to think about it (not loads of time but enough lol)
    Rick is going to be there not doubt about it, and Im really not sure if i want my mum in the room as such or just outside incase i want her, the same with his mum (mainly for Ricks support), i dont know what to expect and neither does Rick, but we both know its only going to be us in there and our mums outside waiting.
    The other thing is i dont know if it'll be rude to have both mothers there but have my mum in there iykwim,, i know that means im contridicting myself with my first line of this post, but i dont know what i want.

    How did you ladies know who you wanted and didnt want in the room??

    I would like Rick to be my main support person and my mum to be there just incase, and his mum there for him, just incase. But how do i tell them........
    Im really confused.....i think i really need to have a proper think about this.

    This thread has brought this to my attention, as i had never actually thought about it properly iykwim.

  4. #22

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    If it was up to me it would just be me and my cat who means more to me than most of my relatives.

    Somehow I don't think the hospital would be too overly fond of the idea though lol

  5. #23

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    He he Celtic Moon!

    Naomi - Just make sure it's not too overwhelming having too many people there! Also you don't know how long labour will go for...it may not be fair to leave your MIL out in the hallway for 12 hours! hehe.

  6. #24

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    Naomi, I knew with DD that I just didn't feel comfortable having any but DH in there with me, I'm a very private kind of gal, and the thought of people I know, even my mum, seeing my there naked, legs apart, pushing, blood, poop (eww) makes me feel all eekky.
    One thing I did learn is if you don't want anyone coming in during or immediately after the birth, let the midwives or who ever is at the reception desk know, so you don't get put in an awkward situation when they come in to ask, when your family is waiting to come in.
    I'm sure you'll just trust your instinct, and do what ever you and your DP want to do

  7. #25

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    lol Celtic!! I think my cat would attack the nurses and Dr's if i did that, she gets very protective over me, especially when im crying, or Rick and I are argue!

    Krisvee - tha would be alwful, it would be like i had forgotten about her!! Although it wont happen Ive decided not to have her there.

    Mummy - yeah i know what you mean, thats why i was also iffy as to who to have in the room.

    After talking about it with Rick last night, its just going to be me, DP and my mum.
    But i will just tell mum, that i would like her there but im not 100% sure, so i will have her on speed dial and until i go into hospital i will keep her up to date with whats going on, so she knows whether to come in or not. Plus if i change my mind and say just Rick and me, i wont feel so bad, and if i do want mum in there, she is prepared and all ready iykwim.
    I will get my mum to do the announcements, and let people know that mum and baby are fine and visitors are welcome the following day etc (so then i wont have people coming in straight away).

    Well i feel better with atleast that sorted!! sort of lol

  8. #26

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    I know some might get their noses out of joint with 1 aunt being invited to come in, but I dont care... (I am having this baby in the Family Birthing Centre & they welcome our other kids, but maddy has said she doesnt want to come & Indah will be too young & worried, so they will mosdt likely stay with my Dad or my sister.

    My older sister was with me & Mum when I had Maddy , Dad came in about 15 mins after her birth & I am glad as I didnt really need them but they were there to talk & keep each other company with Indah we were only there 2hours before she was born so DH & Mum chatted & I just did my thing.

    I like listening to them, talk, as long as they arent talking to me & asking me questions which I have mentioned to the midwives, I like to be in my own world, but know my loved ones are there!

    I have asked my best friend to join us at the 20 wk scan in 12 days time, so she can feel involved as she has no partner or kids!!!
    I said if we have a 4th she can come in with me!!! It really doesnt worry me...

    But everyone has their own ideas & I am happy to have my aunt with us, she has baby sat for us & our girls are both close to her & my uncle (MY Uncle kept me aliove twice as a baby when I dies from pneumonia, bronchitus/asthma!!! I have his wedding band on a chain at home that he gave me when I got better!, we are very close & I know my aunt feels robbed from her births.... When I asked her if hse'd like to come she cried & hugged me & said she would love too, I said oinly if she feels comfortable with it & she said she cannot wait!)

  9. #27

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    I'm having my DH, my mum and my sister in with me. DH, for obvious reasons, but it depends on how he is going as to whether or not he'll be an integral part or if he'll be passed out on the ground (not a blood fan). My mum, because I always want my mummy when I'm in pain or not feeling well and my sister because she's a midwife and will be great support.
    We've decided not to tell any one when we will be in labour otherwise we would have a lot of other family members up there waiting. We'll let them know once bubs is out and probably make them wait a few hours until they can come up. My SIL in particular is very pushy and I think she'll want to bust in on the birth.

    In the end, it's up to you and what you want. If they get narky at you for your decisions then let them. All you can do is explain that you think of this as a special moment that you only want to share with .... (DH, mum etc) You could always tell them that the hospital only allows so many people in there.

    Good luck and remember to stick to your guns

  10. #28

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    Only DP.
    With my DD i had planned on it only being me and my (ex) DP, esp not medical students. Well, that was the plan. I ended up having a medical student (who was absoluty fab) my mum, my sister, my cousin (shes a MW) AND my (ex) DP's mother!! Never really thought about it at the time with all the pain etc, but NEVER again! My mum and sis had come into the room when i first got induced and just stayed! this time it WILL only be DP and medical staff, i really dont care if i upset everyone else, this is OUR baby and OUR experence.
    Why do people think they have the right to be there or get upset if you dont want them to be? - if you want them there you'd ask!

  11. #29

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    I am having my hubby and his step mum. She is a mid-wife and knows exactly what I want from the birth (and when it is best to deviate from the plan) so I can have someone there who knows what they are doing and is only looking out for me. If I wasn't having her, I would probably just have my husband as I am quite a private person and get annoyed with too much fussing. It is such as personal decision and experience. I agree that your family is being selfish to make you feel guilty. It isn't about them!

  12. #30

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    eeeewww - it has never ever occured to me to have anyone there other then my DH. I couldnt imagine having anyone else (if i was single, maybe different story) at all in the birthing room.
    I dont even want anyone to come and see me straight after. I want time to get my self back together mentally, recover abit physically, but most important, give me, dh and baby time to bond together without having to deal with people. Esp being the first baby, and me being unsure as to what to do, i dont want people hanging around and possiblly judging me.

  13. #31
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    It amazes me the amount of mums saying 'oh gee, such and such ASSUMES they are going to be there for the birth'. I think whats sadder is they dont have the heart to tell them no. Im like WTF. Its *your* time and its *your* choice so say something.

    My mother thought she would be coming in with DD until i told her other wise. I know she was a bit shocked but at the end of the day its up to myself and my husband. He is the only one with me and has been for the last two and will be for the last one. I dont need family in there to complicate things for me and i sure dont need my mother taking control of things which i know she would try to do.

    We actually didnt tell anyone we went into labour with DD for this very reason. DS was different because mum was looking after DD but she was the only one that knew till he was born. Try it, it works Lol.

  14. #32

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    I gave birth to my baby 10 days ago and so this is an issue quite fresh in my mind. My mum came down from Qld to help out but before the birth I was quite worried that she might expect to be present at the birth. I knew that she would definitely be around if I needed her but I didn't want to feel that I was disappointing her if I didn't. When she arrived a few days before my baby was born, I told her how I felt - I didn't know how I would feel during the birth and I didn't want to feel watched so I would be guided by my feelings on the day. She totally respected this and it was a big relief to clarify her role before the birth. On the day, my mum was great. She stayed in the background as I laboured at home, available if DH or I needed her to get anything, but very inconspicuous. She came to the hospital with us and waited in the waiting room. I ended up with an epidural and I asked my DH to go and get her as by this stage I couldn't have cared if the Pope was in there and I wanted her to share this amazing experience with us. We asked her to take photos of the birth which was great. She was very excited to be there and it was so special. After Sophie was born and she had given her a cuddle, Mum went out for an hour to give DH and I some time to be with our daughter by ourselves. Given that she lives in Qld and won't be able to see Sophie as often as she would like to, it is brilliant that she feels that she has this bond with our baby.

    On the other hand, my MIL told us early in the pregnancy that she 'fully expected' to be pacing the corridor at the hospital while I was in labour. I took offence to this as she hadn't even asked what our intentions were and I felt that this was being very presumptuous so I told her that I wouldn't be ringing anyone until the baby was born.

    One thing I would say to anyone having extra people at the birth, is to clarify the role of each person present. Also, if you are anything like me, people talking through contractions was the most irritating thing so it might be an idea give them the heads up before you go in to labour!

    Now I know what to expect during labour, I think for next time I will just have DH with me.

  15. #33

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    I hope to have just DF in with me and an absolute minimum number of hospital staff.

    Because Thomas works 2000kms away for 7 days at a time, I've enlisted 2 close girlfriends to be my coach if he can't make it. The most likely scenario if I do go into labour whilst he's away is that I can call him and tell him to get home NOW (!) and have Anna or Jill with me for the 5-10 hours it might take him to get there. With a bit of luck all he'd miss would be 1st stage labour and not the actual birth.

    But along the lines of your other posts, I would not want family members in with me....my sisters have no clue about birth being younger than me and less experienced with babies and totally uncomfortable with blood and gore and my mother seems to have forgotten a lot of the basics of baby stuff and gotten a good dose of preggo brains in sympathy! I'm not close enough with MIL to have her there and she's chronicly depressed and a glass empty type and my aunt would be a terrible choice not having had kids herself and not being at all a maternal type.....gotta love my girlfriends!

  16. #34

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    J+Karen, I know exactly what i need & have told them & the midwives that they are all welcome to talk & stuff, but dont ask ME anything, I will make noises or ye contact if I need or wnat something, but I am really looking forward to it!!!

  17. #35

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    I dont think your selfish, i am kind of going through the same problem....

    With my DD i had my mum and the midwives with me, with my DS i had my DF and his sister, his aunt (i didnt want her there but she invited herself i wasnt happy) and a friend that i wanted there..
    This time however i have said i dont want anyone in there except DF, My sister was going to come in, not by my request but because SIL came in with DS and my sis had her nose out of joint for that. Now she is going to miss this birth (hurrah!!) because she is in Melbourne helping my mum out as she had a bad motorbike accident....
    So in a way it is a blessing in discuise.
    I just hope DF makes it home from work in time to see the birth or i will be doing it all by myself- with the midwives help of course!
    Goodluck with the upcoming birth!
    Jenni

  18. #36

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    Yeah Tracey IKWYM - my mum asked me if the gas was working and I just gave her 'that' look...DON'T ASK ME ANYTHING!!!!

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