Astrid, it's very common to feel that way... and all that tension and clenching results in more pain! Resisting the 'intensities' as they now like to call it, makes it harder for you to let go and surrender to birth.

In the last birth I attended the other day, I was extra mindful of tension considering she's been doing hypnobirthing - it's amazing how often we do tense up and just by touching her sholders and telling her to release the tension, it works wonders. She was doing it on almost every contraction!

It's hard to have confidence in your own body with birth medicalised to what it is today. It's important to remind yourself that birth is a natural event, not a medical event, unless intervention is required, in a low percent of cases. I could go on forever, but all the stats are on the birth support page in my signature link.

If you feel you need some birth debriefing or birth counselling, (it's a great idea for every mother after every birth IMO...) my teacher does a brilliant job at it, her name is Rhea Dempsey and her website is birthingwisdom. She can help you understand the things you carry as a result of the birth. Wonderful, wonderful woman.