Helly and Kuraiza, what is this calm place you speak of?? Seriously this is what I would like to find this time around but if it exsists, it's not anywhere I've even come close to. In all honesty, I have three natural labours and it's still hurt like hell and sent me into a panic, I wish I knew how to find that place.
I'm so very sorry this turned out how it did for you. I'm sorry it felt so out of control. For what it's worth, I really still feel you are awesome and a champion. Do you know why? Because even though I would love a homebirth, I am no where near confident enough to even attempt it. And if I had attempted one before and been transferred to hospital, I don't think I'd have the courage to try it again. To me THAT is the awesome part. That you did have to courage and confidence to go for it again. I think you are truly amazing.
I hope writing it all out has started the healing process for you. At least a small beginning. Take the time, feel what you feel.
Thank you for sharing your story. You brought a new life into this world. Your body grew a new person and then made way for his safe passage. You are an amazing birthing woman.
I will not tell you how to feel, but I will say I admire you.
Light a candle for yourself, and for the experience you lost. Grieve over those expectations. Give yourself time and space to heal.
Welcome to baby Finn. He was roared earthside with the strength of a lioness.
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