I'm sorry there's no heartbeat............those devastating words that no-one should hear but you and I and others have. Spring, that must have taken so much to strength to write down. Reading the first section was like reading my own diary.............just heartbreaking all over again. You are such a special mummy to two special little boys. I think it is so important that stories like this are told - knowing that this can happen won't make the pain any less but at least people can be made aware that it can happen. I'm so happy and proud of you that you got the birth you wanted with Ollie. Big big hugs to you babe