Thank you everyone.

To be honest, I am not so proud of myself afterall. Firstly, this pregnancy was rather difficult for me towards the end due to my swelling. I feel rather tired and have not really enjoyed the last stage. Then when I had planned for a natural birth, I can't believe I ended up asking for an epidural! I am so glad that they were not able to give it to me as I was already in full labor... but what happened to what I have planned? The same night when I went into the caseroom, I instructed my DH not to let me give in if I were to ask for an epidural. Well, he certainly did not say anything when I asked the doctor... I feel betrayed when I had spoken to him that I absolutely don't want it due to the effects it may occur.

I am extremely happy that Megan is a healthy newborn, but at the same time, I feel terrible because I am not a good mom to DD1. I think at this stage, she feels like I have neglected her in some ways. Though she is happy to our new addition, she realized that I am unable to give my whole self to her. I feel so awful these days because she completely turns into a whole other person. She has been screaming when we told her not to do certain things. She eats less. She is a lot crankier. What have I done? My parents are over to help out with DD1.... but of course, I have spent less time with her as Megan is born.

I feel like an incompetent mom... my failures are lying before me, and it seems hard to put my head up when I am faced with these challenges... SIGH