To be honest, I am not so proud of myself afterall. Firstly, this pregnancy was rather difficult for me towards the end due to my swelling. I feel rather tired and have not really enjoyed the last stage. Then when I had planned for a natural birth, I can't believe I ended up asking for an epidural! I am so glad that they were not able to give it to me as I was already in full labor... but what happened to what I have planned? The same night when I went into the caseroom, I instructed my DH not to let me give in if I were to ask for an epidural. Well, he certainly did not say anything when I asked the doctor... I feel betrayed when I had spoken to him that I absolutely don't want it due to the effects it may occur.
I am extremely happy that Megan is a healthy newborn, but at the same time, I feel terrible because I am not a good mom to DD1. I think at this stage, she feels like I have neglected her in some ways. Though she is happy to our new addition, she realized that I am unable to give my whole self to her. I feel so awful these days because she completely turns into a whole other person. She has been screaming when we told her not to do certain things. She eats less. She is a lot crankier. What have I done? My parents are over to help out with DD1.... but of course, I have spent less time with her as Megan is born.
I feel like an incompetent mom... my failures are lying before me, and it seems hard to put my head up when I am faced with these challenges... SIGH
Oh Carmen , you are not an incompetent mother. It is soooo hard when bub #2 first arrives, it is very normal that you need to spend more time with the newborn. It is difficult for the older child to adjust to not being the centre of attention any more. My DS1 was exactly the same, his behaviour was terrible for a month or two when his little brother arrived. But he eventually calmed down and worked out that we still loved him just as much as before, but life had changed.
You are doing a great job, don't you forget that .
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, you are not an incompetent mother. It is soooo hard when bub #2 first arrives, it is very normal that you need to spend more time with the newborn. It is difficult for the older child to adjust to not being the centre of attention any more. My DS1 was exactly the same, his behaviour was terrible for a month or two when his little brother arrived. But he eventually calmed down and worked out that we still loved him just as much as before, but life had changed.
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