Even more Kel. As Laranna said, you have done what YOU can. I battled to feed Rhino, so I def hear your pain. I know its easier said than done, but please don't feel guilty or hard on yourself. You need to look after yourself primarily, and you sound like you are doing the best and all that anyone could do.

We're here for you. As are the experts, don't hesitate to call the ABA or anyone that might help you feel better.