Hmmm what do you think? Rabbi Shmuley and bfing

[Tuesday's Child]

This is the response Rabbi Shmuley wrote to the backlash he received.

Rabbi Shmuley - Articles

[Jennifer13]

Well, in that article he also attacks co-sleeping, so I'm guessing he doesn't have a lot attachment parents as fans.

[Glamourcide]

The article itself, and the vast majority of the logic he puts forward, is just ridiculous. That being said though, I can see what he's getting at right down at the core - that men are really just big fat babies and often feel neglected when a new baby arrives because mum shifts her focus from husband to child. I agree with that, but tbh, that's the husband's problem to work through and blaming the child or a nursing relationship (or co-sleeping, or the mother for 'making' a husband witness a vaginal delivery etc) doesn't solve a thing, but shifts resentment and insecurities from one person to another.

FWIW I agree with all of you - caring for our children IS and SHOULD ALWAYS BE our first and foremost priority. But I see *some* relationships where poor dad's been relegated to status of 'money-making sperm donor' and mum puts every ounce of everything she has into her kids, and poor dad gets nada. Which I think is a shame, and maybe says something about the relationship not being perfect long before kids came along and 'ruined' it all, kwim? Marriages do take a lot of work, and I think Shmuley probably had the right idea at heart, but it got lost along the way amongst his anti-BFing argument Love your partners, too, ladies!! After all, they were the ones who provided half the resources to create the gorgeous kid(s) you invest so much in

[Marlene]

I personally think that if breast feeding is hurting your marriage, you're probably in the wrong relationship!

I think Willow's comment sums up the whole topic! Take that Shmuley!!!!

[Indadhanu]

Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh.

So I read to about here, and decided that whatever he has to say is pretty much wasted space in my brain.

[Shanti]

So I read to about here, and decided that whatever he has to say is pretty much wasted space in my brain.

yep I agree.... and I haven't even read his whole article LOL he seems like a narrow-minded loser to me.

[briggsy's girl]

But in his defense, and i'm not saying don't b/f, be it about everything in your marriage, there is some truth in what he was trying to allude to - there is something about putting ourselves out there and working on giving to the other (and they should give to you and not think about themselves in return, nothing about only females), and that keeping your marriage/partnership strong during those difficult first years of a babies life when you are just oh so tired constantly is important. If you focus solely on your baby, or use looking after your baby (or your job) as an excuse to neglect working on your marriage, in the end it won't be great for everyone.

Marriage isn't easy and it takes constant work (as i continually find out!)

this is very true - and if the Rabbi had used his position to say this without alienating everyone, he might have actually had some valid points

i agree that you need to work hard at keeping your relationship on track - but the basis of your relationship NEEDS to be about more than the physical - if it's not, then your relationship is bound to fail when life - be it children, age, illness or other stress - catches up with you.

FWIW, i told DH about this article - he rolled his eyes, said some "not so kind" things about the author, and said anyone who thinks that bf or childbirth makes their partner less attractive they have issues

[Manhattan]

I was thinking about this article yesterday, and wondering what DH's thoughts on this issue would be. He has never said anything bad about b/f, and like someone mentioned, he was helping me attach DD in the beginning when I was struggling.

So I asked him flat out 'What do u think of me b/f?' He replies 'I dont know, its natural'. So then I ask 'Does it turn you off me?' Replies 'No, you're a mum. Why are you asking all of these questions?' So I tell him there was an article written that basically says b/f can ruin marriages. And his reply 'Not ours'. Awww, take that Rabbi Shmuley. And that is coming from a mans man too!

[Fleur]

But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same.

Hmmm... I thought they were my breasts... did I lose them to my husband when I got married? Does everybody in the family have rights to them but me? Nope, my breasts and I will decide where they go, thanks.

One is the de-eroticization of a woman's body, as her husband witnesses one of the most attractive parts of her body serving a utilitarian rather than romantic purpose. This is not to say that

WTF I have said it before & I will say it again....that is what breasts are for!!!! I am pretty sure they were not put solely or even MOSTLY for the sexual gratification of men. I am sure that their primary purpose is, and always has been to feed babies.

But the principal form of marital breakdown in our time is a loss of erotic desire between husband and wife, and if couples find that breast-feeding is adding to a sense of alienation, there is always the bottle.

this makes me wonder what the advice would have been in times when there was no bottle?

I actually get his point about marriages suffering. I have no doubt that my husband would consider himself pretty hard done by ATM, our sexlife is pretty sparse and certainly my expressing doesn't help in terms of how much time we get together. BUT it's not the only thing affecting it - there is work, the kids, the housework, general baby stuff regardless of how they are fed.
It's a tough time for any relationship, again, regardless of how a baby is fed.
We are lucky - we have been there, done that & DH keeps telling me it's ok, he knows it will pass. But hey - he's talking about the fact that we rarely get to 'connect' these days - not that all of a sudden my breasts are on someone else's menu

My big issue here is that he doesn't focus much on the time factor but that it 'de-eroticises' a womans body. Which is so offensive to me as a woman, and a mother.

[HotI]

My DH made a deal with our bub, and they pinky swore on it. She has complete access to my breasts but had to agree to be nice and not hurt them for Mum. They also made a pinky swear about the two of them hiding out in the shed 'when Mum is grumpy'. Sometimes i will be feeding, and DH has his head nice and close. At first i was wondering what he was looking at, and was going to cover myself more- until i saw the look on his face, and it was just a look of love for both of us, so gorgeous.