Hun, If you want to pm me for a chat do, because I know exactly how you feel. I despise breastfeeding. Absolutely every second the baby is attached to me is agonising for me. I have 2 boys who were formula fed early on and are happy healthy boys. My first daughter I breastfed for 14 months and it nearly destroyed me. I was in an incredibly bad place by the time she weaned and I never actually realised how much I resented her until she did wean when suddenly this weight lifted off me. I told myself I would never put myself through that as I didn't see how it was worth it as my daughter ended up being my only child with allergies, intolerances and digestive issues... go figure. But DD2 is now 3.5 months old and once again I find myself in an impossible situation. I can't stand breastfeeding her once again... we also have pain with her though too as she has palate issues but that's not our biggest problem. Its how much I dislike it. I obsess about weaning her, dream about it. But I feel like I can't stop because then I would suddenly be no good as a mum. I have such deep dread about each feed but I can't stop and that's partly to do with the bullies who make me feel bad each time the thought of weaning enters my head but it also has a lot to do with the fact that my ideal doesn't match my reality and that's heartbreaking for me. I would love to be one of those mothers who lovingly feeds her baby at the breast for two years but that's just not my reality... my reality is I'd rather claw out my eyeballs than attach the baby again. That is how hard it is for me. At the end you need to decide what you can live with though... I breastfed my daughter, it can be done, no matter how much you hate it but it came as a cost. I wished away her entire first year and I'll never get that back. And I find myself doing the same with my current little dd2. So yes I understand the feeling yuk bit... for me its like what fingers down a blackboard does... thats how it makes me feel.