Would you let someone else breastfeed your bub?

[jackrose]

I wouldn't have a worry about it in certain circumstances, ie: if my child really needed it and the person providing the feed had been screened etc.

I recently found out that my mother did this for someone - back in the 70s. I met someone recently who knew my mother back in the 70s/80s when we were kids. She was going on about what a wonderful mother my mum was and how there were always kids around but mum could always put on a good spread.. then she related a story about a time when a man turned up at the door with an infant and hurled the child in Mum's arms for care/feeding. Apparently the man's wife was really ill and he had no idea what to do with the child so mum ended up wet nursing him for the weekend. She obviously had one of us as a breast feeding baby at the time. I was astounded as I had never heard the story before! I have of course heard of wet nurses, but that was in Victorian times in my mind.

When I asked mum she said it was because she was a member of Nursing Mothers Association and the mother who was ill had sought out the association to find someone to look after her baby while she was in hospital. I was really proud of mum when I heard this story, well I am generally, but thought this was rather cool! Based on this story, I think it is a wonderful thing to do.

[Smoke Jaguar]

BTDT!!
I've expressed for other, non-relative babies.
I BF my niece as a baby when my sister's fishing trip took too long.
I have BF my niece on DP's side when we wereaway for new years and SiL didn't come. Niece started to miss her mum and asked me for my milk. As it's happened between SiL's in DP's family before we are all ok with it and permissions don't need to be sought.
I think it's a beautiful thing to share and wish DS had not been so attached to me that he couldn't even try someone else's just to accept that extra bit of luvvin' that another breastfeeder can share Maybe DD will!
I'm normalised to the idea for various reasons, it's not a head spin to think about.
ETA:
Janie, I feel the same should anything happen to me! It's very important to stimulate the neural pathways that BFing does for a baby's development.
Allycat - I read that one, too!

[kelebek]

Yes I would. I would be comfortable (as long as the other lactator was) for DS to feed directly from someone else if I knew them and trusted them. As for strangers think I would prefer a bottle but DS never liked bottles so it would have to be breast.

[skeetaboat]

I've done it happily for a sister in law in an emergency babysitting situation. It didn't feel as natural as feeding my oen babies but it wasn't overly weird either... Until he looked at me and gave me a look that was a deadringer for his father!!! ROFL.

[Honeybee]

I would not allow someone else to BF my child. I think I have a really strong reaction against this idea because I had to fight so hard to continue to BF DS, and had to start supplementing with formula, but have continued to BF and still am now that DS is 16 months. I really felt that my body let DS and myself down, and I felt very jealous of women who had plenty of milk, and inadequate compared to them. So I think I very jealously guard my BF relationship with DS. All the milk I have is for him, even though it was not enough, but we still have made it work for us. I'm not sure I'm expressing myself very well (no pun intended!) but for me it's a relationship I had to fight so hard for and I wouldn't want anyone else stepping into that.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I get it, Honeybee - sounds like the thought of it is dredging up memories of wanting to get it right and being thwarted by your treacherous body I get that It's not an inadequacy, it's just the way it was, though I know it's one thing to say that to you and another for you to feel and believe. xx

[Honeybee]

Thanks Mayaness You're right - I reacted really strongly to the idea because it brought back memories of a really upsetting time. I think once DS started solids I felt a bit better, because he was getting nutrition from lots of sources, and I'm really OK with it now - like you said, it was just the way it was and doesn't make me an inadequate mother. Thanks for the hugs! xxx

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

No. Given that when #2 comes along I will have to give up nuts and cow milk products (read: no chocolate brazil nuts!) then I wouldn't trust another woman's milk. It's so easy to "forget" a milk-free diet in the morning for your coffee, or buying a cake when you're out and about... so I wouldn't want to get cross with someone who wanted to do something kind for my child.

Sure, some women would go on a dairy and nut free diet to feed my child. That is very generous of them. But I would worry about how their diet would affect MY sleep too much! That and having a baby in pain from one wrong snack.

Plus, me being the only person to feed DS significantly alleviatd the worst of the "PND". Bottles made it a lot worse. So I don't know if I could haandle it emotionally.

[STARRYSKY]

I can understand the reasoning behind all the PPs opinions on feeding their baby with someones elses milk, there is a huge emotional attatchment with BFing, especially the thought of another woman actually nursing your baby, developing that special bond, the nursing cuddle, etc.
I can also understand how some would feel it was ok as long as it was delivered via bottle or cup. I think that those feeling and thoughts, even just thinking about this bring up, is perfectly natural, it's human nature.

But for me (and this is just my personal opinion and I dont mean any offense or to be seen as attacking anyone here) I kinda see that as being a little selfish. Whats right for my baby? To have that skin to skin contact along with a human nipple in mouth, receiving human milk...I would prefer that to a bottle for my child (he wouldnt take one anyway!) If I had trouble, no milk, small supply, feeding issues I would have (Dp and I even discussed it) sought out a willing wet nurse, with EBM in a cup as my last option.
If (god forbid) as Janie said, something were to happen to me, be that to die suddenly, have an accident, be in hospital and unable to BF for a long period of time, I would gladly have someone else (be it friend, family or kind stranger) take over for me in that regard. (and yes I am completely disregarding the clean milk thing, I think that would be a given anyway)

But I am speaking as one who didnt have any problems, given the reality, who knows I may feel differently.

[Arcadia]

Yes have done it.

DD wont feed from anyone else (not for lack of trying) but I have fed other babies. We have a playgroup that has a variety of babies and the idea is that mums take turns to have time off. If a babe is distressed, we offer them breastmilk, since they are all breastfed and we all lactate.

Surprisingly, some babies take to it easily, while others will not even stand the thought of it (i.e. it makes them cry louder, so we dont offer anymore). Most babes are older than 6 months, so don't 'need it', but it works well for those who like it, and gives peace of mind for those mums wanting to pop out for an hour or two.

I have done it while babysitting a bub too and it was his sleep time. Worked a treat! Especially since he wasn't used to being left.

I did find the concept weird when DD was younger, and the woman with the youngest bub at our group (3 m.o) doesn't participate (well, she will feed other babies, but doesn't like the thought of her bub being fed).

I think breastfeeding is a wonderful bond with your child, and I can understand why some would hesitate to see their child fed by others, but it only happens when the mum isn't there (oh, except for one chil who will feed from anyone, anytime! Lol!)

[Nai]

Like Janie, if I was not longer around or was completely incapacitated then I wouldn't want my baby to miss out and I think it would be fine. I would happily accept expressed BM for my baby if I needed it or I didn't have enough.

I'm not sure how I would feel BF another child but I think if I saw a baby in need instinct would kick in and I would do it.

[Manhattan]

Interesting question. I dont think I would let anyone nurse my child, but if it was necessary, then EBM would be ok. Hmmm, need to think some more about this one........

[Inanna]

We've had this discussion before & it's a great one Kate!

Yes I would feed anothers baby at my breast & have. Yes I would be happy for another to feed my child at her breast and yes I would & have donated my EBM to another baby that needed it.

I perrsonally see the above as a more "normal" & "natural" act than feeding with artificial milk. So for me it's not a big deal. I also think it brings to light (for me) the sociology attatched to mothering. I personally believe that we have developed quite an unhealthy society for raising children (generally). Where a child goes to the one and only (Mother) for all their needs. In reality there are many people who can nurture, feed, soothe etc our children. Yes the Mother is the "one". However, I believe it healthy that a human baby can go to another woman to have some of those needs met some of the time.

I totally understand (& also felt) some of the pangs of jealousy that my child could be given comfort at another breast - however but only me gave birth, have the DNA, the psychic attatchment etc etc to my child. To feverishly protect that isn't necessary. To loosen that grip probably serves the bond more than holding tight and fast. YK?

Anyway - sharing our milk & our breasts is normal, natural and the gift that gives for a lifetime! I celebrate it, encourage it & am glad there are so many who are happy to also!

[Glamourcide]

I would not allow someone else to BF my child. I think I have a really strong reaction against this idea because I had to fight so hard to continue to BF DS, and had to start supplementing with formula, but have continued to BF and still am now that DS is 16 months. I really felt that my body let DS and myself down, and I felt very jealous of women who had plenty of milk, and inadequate compared to them. So I think I very jealously guard my BF relationship with DS. All the milk I have is for him, even though it was not enough, but we still have made it work for us. I'm not sure I'm expressing myself very well (no pun intended!) but for me it's a relationship I had to fight so hard for and I wouldn't want anyone else stepping into that.

I can absolutely understand that. If I hadn't successfully BF'd DD2 I would feel very much the same, as I still feel quite sad about missing out on being able to BF DD1. It's a very valid opinion, you're not alone at all

As for me BFing other people's kids... I have to say as long as it was comfortable for me (ie the baby didn't bite or hurt me lol) I'd be okay with it and wouldn't feel that bond that we feel with our own babies, but for some reason I'd still be weird with someone else feeding my baby - I can't guarantee that they're not enjoying it, kwim?? If I could ascertain I had a very plentiful supply for both my bub and another, I'd be more than happy to express for someone else's baby, but I found expressing extremely difficult both times, even when engorged with DD2 and having 'lots' of milk to spare, so if I were to step in for someone it'd probably have to be on the boob rather than EBM.

I have to say I'd be a lot happier about someone breastfeeding my child if I were (god forbid) dead or severely incapacitated. If it were an emergency babysitting situation or something like that, I'd be less comfortable with it, but that's I think those jealous mummy feelings kicking in. If I were, say, to die in a car accident and had a BFing baby at home, I wouldn't be around to see them form that bond with anyone else so I'd be happy for another woman to BF, itms...
Good question, awesome thread. Great to see everyone's individual stance and conditions and motivations put out there

[westy]

Well i'm going to go against the grain and say no i wouldnt let someone else breastfeed my baby, i say this for the following reasons 1/ if i was babysitting someones elses bub and i was bf'ing them,what if i had eaten something that affects the baby because they have an intolerance to what i had eaten? 2/ surely all breastmilk doesnt taste the same and what if bub didnt like it? 3/ to be totally honest i just dont like the idea of someone else b/f'ing my baby - maybe thats because out of 3 children this is the first bub i have been able to b/f that i really dont want anyone else but me feeding him ykwim?

Please dont think i'm being rude in my reply, i think those of you who are happy to let someone else feed your bub thats great its just not something i would or could do.

[Visitor7]

I would. I wouldn't even hesitate about it, and I would be very happy if someone did it for my baby if the need ever arose.
When I was a baby, my mother got very sick and unfortunately lost her milk. In those days (and being a very small outback town) they only saw a health nurse every 3 weeks, so by the time the health nurse arrived I was starving. The health nurse had a lady (who also had a baby) breastfeed me while mum organised the formula from the chemist and learnt how to bottlefeed. My mother didn't have any objections to it at all.
For me personally, breastfeeding is more about the benefits than the bonding experience.

[Olive]

here the story about mums wetnursing for a friend

Nursing Moses: Moms step in after infant's mother dies - CNN.com

like sez and nelle, yes for short term emergencies but not longterm
im all for donating EBM too!

[Jennifer13]

Yes, I put a lot more trust in a generous mother willing to help me out (whether it be by expressing or physically bfing) than in a multinational company whose main concern is how much money they can make. When you get down to it, I have no idea which cow just supplied me with the milk in my cup of tea!

Plus, I have read and watched a lot more where women talk about having their mother/friend/sister offer baby a breast (comfort rather than milk in some cases) and it now doesn't seem so odd to me. Baby is crying, a breast will calm it down, simple. Much more environmentally friendly than dummies and bottles! I imagine this is what happened in the days before mass manufacture was possible.

I would also willingly do this for another mother. I have looked after children who are not my own (regularly, every week), including feeding them by bottle or solids, and I can't see that I would feel any stronger bond by bfing them if required.