How do I stop her comfort sucking

[courts&munchkins]

I don't know if this should go in the breastfeeding or the sleep section so feel free to move it. DD's sleep has gone to the dogs at the moment. She is taking up to 2hrs to settle everytime she wakes and the slightest noise will wake her up and we start the whole process again. All she wants to do is comfort suck. The minute I pull my boob out of her mouth she is awake and we start it all again. I am averaging about 3hrs of broken sleep every night and I am a complete wreck. And you can tell me babies need to comfort suck all you want and that I should just go with it but I physically can not handle it anymore. I am exhausted, I am terrified I am going to fall asleep sitting up one night and smother her. I am horrible to my children all day because I am exhausted. I need her to sleep. I need her to stop using me as a dummy. Besides I can't stand the comfort sucking, I can't stand the way it feels. It makes me want to put my head through a glass window, which is made worse by the fact that I am exhausted. So how do I stop her from comfort sucking. She will not go to sleep unless she is attached to my boob. I am starting to resent breastfeeding with a passion and wish that I had given it up long ago (a horrible thought to be having)

[JLeigh29]

I can only imagine how you feel. 3 hours of sleep just isn't enough to function. I'm not sure if you've tried or would want to try the following, but here goes...

Can you whip your boob out and replace it with a dummy as soon as she starts comfort sucking?

How long has she been like this? Is she otherwise alright? DS wasn't much of a comfort sucker unless he was sick or teething. Have you also considered just saying No Boob and dealing with the fallout for a few days or however long it takes her to self-settle - it sounds like it couldn't get much worse for you than it already is?

GL and I hope things improve real soon for you.

[helle]

DS was a comfort sucker... we ended up having to go with the no boob approach. he didn't like it, took about a month but it was worth the effort in the end.
I'd offer him water instead incase he was thirsty. mind you i had no milk anyway, so he was definately in it for the comfort!

[Babyluv]

Hun my DD did this at the exact same age. I used to always feed to sleep, she would be zonked and I'd pop her into her bed. Then we went through what you're going through at 8 months and I was at a loss as to what I was going to do. I just persisted, and also found if I gave her to DH to resettle after she woke she would go back to sleep quickly for him, she wouldn't do it for me because she just wanted boobies. Anyway this lasted a cpl weeks and then it was back to normal. Oh and it coincided with separation anxiety for us so not sure if perhaps that has something to do with it. We now no longer feed to sleep most of the time, she did this on her own too, I've found when I've tried the tough love approach it has caused us more issues and that DD seems to just do things in her time when ready. Just know it does pass, Good luck

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

You do sound exhausted and "over it"
Remember, at any point you can pull the pin on breastfeeding. She's 8 mnths old. You have done an amazing job with her - you don't have to keep going. What were your personal goals for breastfeeding.
Having said that, this isn't *the fault* of you breastfeeding her. A quick perusal of the sleep forums will demonstrate that many bottle feeding mums are up and down all night making bottles for their little ones - still getting no sleep.
At 8mnths old you would be hard pressed to smother her! I don't think she'd stand for that. You'd hear about it! If she wakes up that often, she won't smother very easily.
Does she have a dummy? Babies have a huge need to suck. Maybe if she is using you as a dummy, then a dummy is what she needs. It can take some practise, but she may take it with time, during the night when she is asleep. Many mums get more sleep co-sleeping. At least you can stay horizontal and you are able to get back to sleep more quickly. Does she has a ruggy, teddy or pillow? Might be time to introduce one. Not necessarily a quick fix, but babies will often suck on these items or snuggle them to their face to comfort themselves back to sleep

[NaeNae]

its a very tiring thing to be the dummy, I totally understand where you are coming from.

You've been given some great advice here already the only think I want to add is, is there a DP or DH that can take her off your hands for a few hours over night?
Yes it will mean theother person will loose sleep and yes your DD will probably scream the house down but she is using you because thats all she knows. Perhaps its time to let go of the reins a little and let someone else help out. It will take time though and you will need to endure the crying and carry on but just being able to hand over to someone else put a pillow over your head and try to get some shut eye will be the best thing.

If not over night then maybe a friend or relative can help out through the day, take all the kids out. If your DD is fed and dry and is also eating some solids then there is no reason why you must be the one who looks after her ALL of the time.


FWIW - my DD was comfort sucking using me up until she was 15 months old. We increased her food and reduced her feeds gradually to it being only her nap time feeds and nothing through the night. If she woke up she was given either milk or water (remember she was over 1 by this stage though) By the time she was 19ish months I was only allowingherto use me for 20 seconds at bedtime then I handed her over to hubby and I turned off the monitor so I couldn't hear.

Best of luck hun, you're doing it tough and it really can feel like a dead end street but believeme if you havesomeone else to take DD at night it will be worth it.

Oh it works sometimes withsomeone else because the babies cannot smell the BM which can make it easier for the other person.

Nae x x

[courts&munchkins]

She doesn't have a dummy, I have been trying to get her to take one since forever but she just won't suck on them. I have tried many times to slip my nipple out and slip a dummy in but she just starts cracking up.

She has a Teddy in her bed but she still needs to be wrapped. That's another point really she I think wants to be put of the wrap but I have even less chance of getting her to stay asleep when I put her down if she's not wrapped.

I'm not opposed to co-sleeping but currently our 2yo is in our bed so I don't feel like it's safe. I'm trying to move him down onto the floor but so far it hasn't been real successful.

Barb honestly I think I am nearly done breastfeeding wise, it hasn't been an easy journey from the start for her and I but we have fought hard to get as far along as we have. I have no delusions to bottlefed babies sleeping better, ds2 was bottlefed and a horrible sleeper lol. I guess I just feel spent and would like to hand responsibility over to say my husband occasionally lol. Right now she won't settle for him because she just wants the mummy dummy.

[courts&munchkins]

Nae nae my husband isn't that supportive when it comes to overnight help. He has no patience if they are screaming at night and has never really gotten up to the kids at night. He'll settle them if they'll settle quickly but if they won't he will just let them cry. I don't think he would be interested in dealing with her if she's just crying for me.

[HotI]

I had some success in stopping the all night sucking using the Pantley-pull-Off method from the book No Cry Sleep Solution. You feed bub til they are settled and then take the nipple out. If bub wakes again, you let them attach again and re-settle. Then take bub off again. It's not an immediate solution, the first time it took many goes before she would settle. But over time, it took less goes and then she was happy to come off herself and go to sleep.

hope you find something that works for you

take care

[NaeNae]

That sucks hun. Its a shame because DD developed a great bond with her dad as soon as I let him take over.I always thought she was crying "for me" but really she was just crying (she still does now at 23 months ).

I don't know of anything else, maybe stick a jumper or something that DH has been wearing so she has no access and just prop her up onto your shoulder like a newborn and rubbing her back until she settles ... only bad thing is she will be screaming in your ear.

I wish I could offer a quick fix, in my experience, I just had to "demand" DH do the nights etc because you absolutely CANNOT do it all, ALL of the time (I mean I absolutely cracked the poopies in a major way one morning at 4am and took off in the car for a few hours so he had no choice).
It was an incredibly rough transition and we still have absolute horror nights too.

Just wondering, and it may seem like a silly thing to ask, are you burping her in between the sucking?? I am sure you probably are but I know DD would be an absolute leech if she had tummy bubbles so I'd pop herback on until I just couldn't stand it. I'd practically throw her at DH and2 hrs later he'd say "yeah she burped a few big burps and farted and she is now asleep" ....... seriously in my sleep deprived state I just plain forgot to burp her

hugs again its so so hard x x x

[Barb Glare]

Sorry for being so direct - but you shouldn't have to sacrifice breastfeeding because your husband won't take up his share of the parenting duties. At this point, it's all hands on deck. It seems nice and tidy because he can see "she's crying for you and you've got the boobs" But when she's on the bottleshe will still want you. Somethings got to give - why not the hubby or the 2 yr old? Why the baby?

[courts&munchkins]

Barb he never has been good with night times, even with my bottlefed babies he didn't get up and feed them. He also refuses to sleep anywhere but his own bed so I just can't sleep in the bed with the kids. I am reluctant to move the 2 year old out of our bed because he just turn into this hyperventilating little monster. Last night I put him back in his own bed out of frustration when he had woken his sister twice and he started screaming and hyperventilating so loud that he woke his brother up so then I had all 3 children awake at 2am that I had to contend with.

Until recently dd was sleeping fairly well in the cot beside our bed so it was all working but as the months go on she is getting more and more clingy and wanting to just be in my arms and sucking to sleep. So with no other choice I am sitting up with her for hours on end at night trying to get her in a deep enough sleep that I can put her down so she won't wake up. I am just so exhausted by this, it's not even the night waking that bothers me. If she woke, fed and went back to sleep it would be ok. Not ideal but ok. But our night looks more like this, wake, feed, go to sleep, attempt to put back to bed, wake up instantly, cry. Bring back out of bed, re-attach, she goes back to sleep, attempt to put her down in bed again, wakes instantly, cries. If I just pick her up and try cuddling her she will keep crying. She only stops when I put her back on the boob. And this can go on for about 2hrs at a time.

It's not her fault I know but I am also a bit of an insomniac so after being up with her for hours I am then so wide awake (even though exhausted) that it can take me an hour to get back to sleep, generally leaving me only about 30mins of sleep before she's stirring and we start the whole things again.

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

All sorts of things work for families. If there is another bed, why don't you and your baby go sleep there - leaving your dh and your son to themselves? Or you can try a little controlled comforting - but I really think your DH has to be prepared to help with this. It's not fair on you - it doesn't sound like you are faring to well on the current arrangements either. Will it really be better if you have to get up to bottle feed her? It's the habit that needs to be broken - or accepted. (either way is fine)

[*Danni*]

I can't really help but I just wanted to pop in and say that I really know know you feel as my boy breastfeeds every 1.5 - 2 hours at night and it is damn exhausting!! except personally i couldn't stop giving him what he loves & needs as I'm thinking it won't last forever but I think you need to do what's best for the both of you as if it has really been making you feel that bad then you need to do what you need to do I guess. Good luck


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[courts&munchkins]

I can't really help but I just wanted to pop in and say that I really know know you feel as my boy breastfeeds every 1.5 - 2 hours at night and it is damn exhausting!! except personally i couldn't stop giving him what he loves & needs as I'm thinking it won't last forever but I think you need to do what's best for the both of you as if it has really been making you feel that bad then you need to do what you need to do I guess. Good luck


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else!

It's not the night wakings that really bother me. She has always woken every couple of hours. After 3 kids night wakings are apart of my life. It's just recently she won't go back to sleep for 2hrs at a time. Everytime I put her down she wakes back up so will be up for 2hrs, down for about an 1hr, back up for 2 hrs, down for about an hour. It's being awake constantly for a whole 2 hours at a time that is killing me. And unfortunately I have 4 years of this under my belt which is why it is so tough on me. Night wakings weren't so bad when I had one. But my 4 yo has only recently started sleeping all night long. My 2yo is up 4 or 5 times a night on top of my dd's wakings as well. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 4 years, I'm just exhausted overall I think.

I might have to sleep in the spare bed with dd tonight see if it makes a difference.

[*Danni*]

Double post

[*Danni*]

Oh wow that just sounds so tough! I went through a phase of that with my boy... It did pass. I'm not sure how long you have been going through that for but I have found as my son is getting older he is sleeping deeper and most of the time I can get away whereas I used to spend all of his day sleeps with him stuck on my boob and no break (GOD that was hard!!!) I put him in a baby hammock when I just can't feed him anymore at night and he is comfort sucking but won't stay asleep and sometimes the bouncing from that will settle him. But apart from that I really couldn't cope not co-sleeping! Sounds like you really need a big hand from your hubby. Hope it works out for you soon and maybe the co-sleeping may help you!


Sent from my iPhone more than likely while I should be doing something else!

[Kmn]

It seems as though she has recently become significantly worse - I'm wondering if she's actually uncomfortable, and using you to soothe an ache. Can you try panadol a bit before feeding and see if she goes back to her usual self?